[Marylin]

I have written elsewhere in the form and in this part of the forum too about how my narcissist sister abused me for 35 years and I cut her out of my life 3 years ago.In 2016 she let herself into my house without my knowledge or permission and moved furniture around and changed things to mess with my mind and make me think I was crazy.I changed the locks.Then I got cancer,but cured it,then mum got cancer and I had to exchange texts with my sister over her care and through her operation to remove her womb.Then I had to keep exchanging tests this year cos narc sister had to have an operation and carers were brought in for my mum while my sister who usually cares for mum (mum is in a wheelchair and can move by herself)had to have two months off to recuperate after the op.I was doing the housework at mum's while sis wasn't able to do heavy lifting and keeping sis informed as to what was needed food wise cos she was bringing mum food and mum's eye drops had to be given.

Now this last month I am threatened with benefits cuts.I was beside myself with worry,I had a catalogue debt of £1000 which they were charging me £50+ a month interest and the debt wasn't being paid off it was growing and the same amount overdraft at the ban with £40 a month interest and I with my benefits cut will have my income reduced to £440 a month instead of£1000.Narc texted me to send me link about changing to a cheaper energy supplier.I happened to mention I was going to go to Citizen's Advice to try and get them to help me stop the catalogue company charging me interest.She said how much do you owe,then offered to pay it,and she transferred the money there and then into my account and I paid the catalogue company!!!!!

I had no choice to accept but I insisted if I win the benefits appeal that I will pay her back some day.She said ok no hurry she said if I live to be 100 you have got 40 years to pay me back she said!!
Now narc sis actually manipulated me to change my will at some point in my past and succeeded in making me ill enough to attempt suicide deliberately she did this,literally trying to bring about my death.She committed terrible acts of psychological and emotional violence on me.

I said to her is this a secret from your husband?Do you know what she said,yes, she said,it is a secret cos he will be upset I've helped you because you have been so bad to me.I said to her our relationship was abusive,and unhealthy and I was the one wronged,I came off worse and I suffered the most because I am so much more emotional than you.She agreed but said we have to agree to disagree cos she still thinks or is maintaining that she did nothing to hurt me.I didn't allow that version of reality to stick.All that happened she maintains is that we conflicted cos we were trapped in family dynamics and we both wanted to be free.

[Marylin]

continued from above post due to length of post.......

So ever the narcissist she maintains her version of events in which she is blameless and her husband blames ME for being bad to HER!

I had no choice but to accept the loan of money from her,no way I can manage with less money and I have serious mental and physical illness,without easing some of my financial burdens I would have got ill with worry and not enough to eat and no money for transport(I have limited mobility),I would have got mentally and physically exhausted,unable to look after myself and my home and gone into psychosis.So it is a shock to me that this time instead of her wanting me to be ill and trying to make me ill and drive me to suicide she has prevented me being ill?

What is this about?Does she want to seduce me back into her lair and then go in for the kill again,or does she feel regret and remorse for treating me so abusively and violently in the past,can't be that or she wouldn't twist things and say I was the one treated her badly would she?

Does she genuinely care about my health and well being now and has she found somewhere deep inside that she does feel love for her little sister or is she gonna try and take things back to where they were 3 and a 1/2 years ago cos I did ask her what she wants in return for this help and mercifully she said nothing has to change from how it is now we stay the same only contact is via text,which is how I want it to be.

But I am mixed up and confused,she tried to kill me for years and now she bails me out and prevents me being ill and up to my ears in debt financially?

I haven't stopped hurting from the years of emotional violence and abuse or the controlling of my life she did,when I think of specific incidents of abuse it is unbearable and traumatic.That is why I have Complex PTSD and Schizoaffective Disorder.

I love Jesus and follow his commands to forgive my enemy,I came to this gradually and to stop the hurt and hate inside me making me twisted and bitter.I won't ever trust my narcissist sister again and I still won't contact or mix with her beyond texting and in regards to communication over mum's care.I am glad things are no longer hostile between us and I can let go of what she did and let her have her perception of it all. But I no longer have to believe the lie that she did me no wrong and I was the problem.

Those of you that have experience of Narcissists please tell me what you think.Can a narcissist go from being jealous and abusive towards someone in their family to genuinely caring and wanting to help that person?Has she the ability to emphasise after all?Is she just trying to make herself look good and make my truth of abuse and her trying to kill me less believable?

I want to believe she does deep down love and care for me,in between the violent episodes she was and could be quite loving,yet I remember 6 years ago cutting off all contact for 9 months,coming out of hospital and her saying sorry for what I done and it won't happen again and she was loving and kind for three years she didn't put a foot wrong or emotionally be violent till she reverted to type and that is when I cut her off and went no contact.Did she fake that I think she did but it was so believable.

The remarkable thing is since I cut her off I haven't been in psychosis,I was last in hospital in psychosis 2011,then she said sorry and was on best behaviour until she turned nasty again 2014,I was going under into declining mental health so realised she's a narc and is going to try and finish me off,so i went no contact and it is 3 years later and I have been wobbly but nowhere near as bad as when she was in my life.

I am 7 years without psychosis without her in my life.So that is a good thing,I never want to go back to interacting with her cos she is heavy,draining,argumentative,controlling.violent.But wow giving me that money.Confusing,it has done my head in.

I feel violated again having to accept help from her when she tried to kill me,but I am not stupid I had to say yes to the help.Maybe it is Jesus's way of making her compensate me for the harm she caused me.I still don't trust her and won't let her too far into my life ever again.

I think Jesus is ok with my forgiving her but he agrees I shouldn't let her hurt me so badly ever again/But she has a cheek saying her husband is upset with me for being bad to her!!!!Incredible which is why I won't be fooled I think she gave me that money so she can try and make her version of events that she is the wronged one stick.EVER THE NARCISSIST<EH?

I'd love to hear what others with experience think?

[PumpkinPieHead]

I don't even have to read your post to give you an answer.

The answer is no. Just wish her the best and get away.

[theKow]

Newp.

At best they will care about how they are perceived and wronged.

[Unrigged64072835]

Unless they've been to therapy and recovered, no.

[Marylin]

Originally Posted by PumpkinPieHead

I don't even have to read your post to give you an answer.

The answer is no. Just wish her the best and get away.

Thank you I have already communicated that I can't allow her to attempt to brainwash me in regards to her version of our past.I said I would only want text about our mother but I am not accepting any communication from her.I have blocked her number on my phone.

Thank you for the offer re sibling group for large families but I only have the one sibling so do not qualify.

[downandlonely]

You have to do what's best for your mental health. I honestly don't know what I would do in that situation. I think people can change, but they have to want to do it. No one can change someone else.

[Fuzzybear]

No. Unless they have received intensive therapy for that disorder.

[Marylin]

Why do you guys think she lent me the money?Is it do you think a way of buying her innocence and looking good to the rest of the family and make me look bad?I mean who is going to believe she tried to kill me and then I borrowed money off her,right?

And she even wants me to believe she didn't intentionally try to hurt me when I know 100% certainty she intentionally abused me and made me mentally ill to drive me to suicide and it is something she planned to do when I was as young as 16 years old.

Age 14 we were at a restaurant New Year's eve and I had a premonition that I was going to be mentally ill and my family wouldn't want to know me and they'd reject me,a voice in my head,I have had many premonitions come true in my lifetime.I was scared and in the restaurant when I had the voice,I told my narc sister,that must have put the idea in her head to mess with my mind.I wanted her to reassure me to tell me she'd never reject me but she just got angry and said she didn't want to know about it.

A really weird thing about the abuse was she always claimed she didn't remember a single thing from our past as youngsters,until one day she remembered something that suited her and I knew she was lying.She was pretending not to remember because she didn't want to validate my past experiences that is so cruel don't you think?

I am done in by her and all the violence and the contrasting behaviour trying to kill me for 38 years and now lending me money is like an arrow in my heart!

I have blocked her and walked away.I hope I can pay her back and forget she ever existed but that is asking a lot right,you can never escape a narcissist who is in the family.I fear for my safety I really do.

She came in my bedroom back then in the middle of the night and shined a torch into my mirrored wardrobe and stared into the mirror back at me menacingly,it was a mess with your mind kind of menacing,she claimed she was looking to find my tweezers and didn't want to turn the light on and wake me up.

I thought that was weird at the time.

She tried to sabotage my life many times and I was in an endless cycle of abuse for years that ended in psychosis and hospitalisations every three or four years.I am 7 years without psychosis now 3 and a half without being in the same room as her one year communicating by text and four years she was loving and kind and didn't put a foot wrong because I threatened to cut her off and did for 9 months back then and she felt she had too much to lose or hadn't finished using me yet.If she could be loving and kind or fake loving and kind for 4 years, then abuse from her is deliberate and intentional and her real default position isn't it?This proves to me she is calculated and the abuse was planned and intentional and planned to cause the maximum damage to me,she was out to destroy me.

I do know now that I have blocked her and she can't text me and I plan not to talk with her ever again that my peace is returning and instead of being anxious depressed and ill I am feeling stronger.My self love is returning too.The fact we were texting even though it was meant to be ONLY about my mother and her care was eroding my peace and self respect and she subtly switch it from being about my mother to being about her and asking me about my life.She was starting to want to get under my skin and lowering my self esteem again.But as I say I feel more self love now she is gone again.

[Travelinglady]

As a Christian, I think it's okay to forgive someone, but not let them get close enough to hurt you again.

As far as a narcissist changing, I think the best answer is they can change if it's to their advantage to do do. And yes, that would mean therapy. But praying for her could help. As you know, all things are possible with God.