[Butterfly_Faerie]

[b]This I posted on another board a long time ago, and thought that perhaps this could help someone understand it better if they have been caught in the web, or was in the past.[b]


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This is what my Pdoc told me about talking with my abusive ex...

Words from my Pdoc about my situation with my abusive ex "A" .. my personal spider an the butterfly theory..... I'm not 100% comfortable sharing this, but it could help others, so this is what my phyciatrist told me....

"You were caught in a web, he exerted control in the past. He used intimidation physically and sexualling. You making contact with him was to gain control bacm with who controlled you in the past. "A" Contacting him was reliving the trauma."

"To better understand it think of it has someone who has been kidnapped will often handel situations to gain approval from the kidnappers, being what you want the kidnappers to be in order to be safe. It's the only want to be safe."

"Going into conversations with "A" and dropping to his level is a distorted unhealthy way is of being able to get control and be safe."

"You can tantalize him but he can't have you this time."

"You are still safe from him."

I realized afterwards that wasn't healthy, left me feeling dirty.

"He was the spider, I was the bug. You thought you could escape it, but couldn't." (regarding to contact with him and talking to him)

"Talking like that actually hurts you, having to degrade yourself in order to get approval from him. For you to be able to gain control and have control, since you never had them in the past with him."

"Women who have been abused it isn't uncommon to put themselves in situations to gain control. Often they cannot gain control and end up getting hurt. It's like a broken record."

"At least I'm far enough along that I did this with "A" over the computer and not in public where he could physically hurt me. It is a control thing, and the conversation with him was to take control and not let him continue to have me in his web which he was doing when I talked to him. I dropped to his level to get approval from him."

Again that is the kidnapper and victim method, as well as the spider and bug method.

Aparently Pdoc told me that she has had alot of paitents that do this type of thing. They do it to gain control that they never have. Some of them have turned into prositution , taking pictures of their vagina's (Like I did with my boob a few yrs ago) Stating basically that you cannot have this again, I wont let you.

She said that it's a good thing that I did this over the internet and not in person, that would be putting me into greater risk.

<font color=red>~</font color=red><font color=blue>S</font color=blue><font color=green>u</font color=green><font color=blue>n</font color=blue><font color=green>d</font color=green><font color=blue>a</font color=blue><font color=green>n</font color=green><font color=blue>c</font color=blue><font color=green>e</font color=green><font color=red>~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[Butterfly_Faerie]

*bump*

Someone might be able to relate to this.
Forgot about this post.