[Fuzzybear]

I saw this, and I relate all too well. I wish I could cry (maybe I could heal then, or start to heal )

“When I tell my child I’m going to beat them, they know I’ll probably let them win the race”

There are more where that came from..

Here’s one about psychological abuse which is relevant to me

“When I tell my child I’m sending them away, they know I’ll be right there with them and caring about them”....

Does anyone relate?


How to heal from childhood abuse (especially when trust is an issue.. aside from medication (NOT an option for me and not something I want in replies here) or “moving on” - I can’t move on from my brain and can’t even numb it out )

[Skeezyks]

I wasn't quite sure what you had in mind here. My father was a great one for put-downs. One he used to use on me was: "You're a pretty smart guy. In fact that's one of your problems. Sometimes you're a little too smart for your own good." I still wince just a little bit when I recall it. There were others too...

[Erti]

I've been told many times to move on. It's harder than they realize. People's way of saying they don't know anything else to say.

Hey fuzzybear. I am not a pdoc (I wish I was... I would have called myself 'Doctor Sane' if I were) but from my own personal experience, childhood abuse makes the child's neural system a mess. I think I qualify for each and every one "cause" for brain damage, as I've been suffocated, injured, isolated, bullied, lied to and then victimized. You don't feel emotional pain after a certain stage, you go numb. Absolutely numb. I never feel rage, joy, sadness or anything at all, except excitement from my delusions that I will be normal some day.

You know, I sometimes fall in love with the idea of being normal. I feel very, very little part of "something" You know, when I see a photo of Enfield Classic 350, imagine me riding it, wearing jean pants and leather jacket and all that, just enjoying going outside on my own. I feel excitement like I've fallen in love.

I don't know how I am going to die, due to my parents' really poor judgement I don't think I will ever escape. As I have always been mentioning about my friends, how normal they are, they ride geared bikes and enjoy fun, are lean, don't have major health problems, style their hair etc. and get all the girls.

It's not the same for me. It's like I am stuck in my house and my parents are waiting till the day I become the ruler of the world and then let me go outside for my job. Yes I will be told by my mother I shouldn't drink alcohol. My uncle would pass his habit to me, so the best thing is to isolate me from the world outside of my home.

The only pain I felt was losing my brilliance in science. I used to get 80%+ in science in high school but I eventually lost my intellectual powers due to the moronic ones.