He used me but did he rape me?

About a year ago in May - June:

I had deep and obsessive and confusing feelings also of a ghost and fear and uncomfortableness around. I wanted to be close to this person and they really wanted the fun only and made that clear, we both lost our virginity together at his house. We went there to hang out and drink and talk, we were to people that didn't hang out as friends and we were in college. I knew he wanted to sleep with me and I knew this and wanted the chance to be close and have him physically. I think he underestimated that I knew he would try it on. I went there but I made the first move,we sat in his room on the bed talking and chugging down drink. I didn't drink and never been drunk but was mixing vodka chugging the bottle on its own down with a few sips of something else with less %in for teens. I wanted the confidence I came back from the bathroom wobbly and carefree Im also small and skinny I'm a light weight I guess and have been told. He was sat on the bed and I walked toward him ready to kiss him I fell on him and he was surprised and he said want to lose it? And I gave consent and asked do you have a condom and said no, I didn't care at that moment I want him to be close I didn't care about pleasure. I told him I loved him the whole time. We hardly had sex, he inserted me but I kept being sick and he was dragging me around the house trying to get me out and dressed before his parents came back apparently a few hours had passed since he inserted me but I swear I blacked out a few times and time flew and for most of it I was aware I was crying and saying things I always wanted but never dared to tell him. I kept jumping on him saying I didn't want it to be like this I'm sorry I wanted it nice and I wanted to keep trying and although he wanted me out of the house he let me try on the stairs we unzipped and I didn't mind to much and didn't know he would do this but he shoved his penis in my mouth for a few seconds. He liked BDSM and said okay want to try some before we go and he pushed me on the couch I liked it but he was a bit rough and very strong I had some bruises from also falling on the floor and being sick. I was sick several times and kept wanting to try and he wanted to lose it. I broke down in the kitchen and said go on hit me, he hadn't been but I thought he hated me in my head at the time and he said no he wasn't like that. He took me out of the house around the corner to a green and left me there I want him to stay with me and he did for a few minutes but he needed to get back to his dad and mum when they came home. He also later had a one night stand with another girl in the same night.

I know he used me and denied me closure. I know what I wanted but did Josh rape me?

Where was this moved? Was it deleted?

You gave consent. right? You wanted it, right? That is not rape.

Hi Emma. Welcome to Psych Central. I see the first post and so I think it may have just been in review because you are a new member.

In case you did not know, all new member's first 5 posts are reviewed by a team of volunteers so you probably thought it was gone when it was not yet approved.

After 5 approved posts your threads and posts appear instantly.

Hope you get the support you are looking for at Psych Central.

It depends on several factors

First - were you intoxicated to the point you could not rationally make decisions?
I would say "yes you were" because you blacked out due to the alcohol and were getting sick all through it.

Second, was there any point at which you told him you did not want to do a certain thing and he did it anyway? (Ex - did you indicate you did not want to perform oral?)

Third - was any kind of drug administered to you without your knowledge in an effort to cause this to happen?

Curious .. why are you worried he raped you? Generally that in itself is an indicator the answer is "yes you were raped" - unless there are outside influences.

Hello there thank you very much for reading the post and enlightening me. I'm not worried but wondering I'm not to sure if I have a strong signal within me if he legally raped me. There has always been something uncomfortable about him. I don't think he meant to but he wanted to use me for what he wanted and it really hurt me, I may just be on the search for closure and revenge. I think I was lucky in the situation I was in, I don't think he did anything to bad but there are times when he is all talk and I see him target people who aren't popular at college to hang around with, they have nothing in common he is using them. He had asked a few girls to have sex with him and telling them he fancied them, other guys said about him "he will shag anything that moves" I know he has manipulative, psychopathic, shallow, superficial, sadistic traits, but not completely shallow he can be nice and honest, you can tell he knows what it's like to be ignored by others. I think he does have it in him to be a bit cruel and twisted. I want to know if he legally raped me? I didn't take drugs, I didn't know he would put his penis in my mouth and I didn't say no, I would of done anything he wanted, he wasn't trying to force anything but he wanted me in his house for sex not to be friends. I drank a few big gulps of his old vodka and a few sips of WKD, it's a teenage alcohol drink with not much spirit in. Id never been drunk before but I think I was drunk. I want to make it clear I went to his house to have sex, I wanted to make love, I made the first move after I drank for courage, he wanted to have me in his home for sex but was under the impression that he mastered his plan and got me there with no idea, he thinks he instigated it. I wanted to be close I said yes and yes with no condom I was being sick and wanted to keep trying. I ask if he raped me legally, however fine a line it was, as someone suggested I may have actually preferred him to take the higher road before he actually tried taking the high road when I was being sick he helped me to get dressed and gave me water before his parents would be home.

I didn't want it to be that way, I wanted to make love and not be sick. So we both skipped college pretty much the next day and I asked him to sneak over to my dads flat to try it again properly, it's like nothing was there not real feelings, it was meaning less. I wasn't very sexaully aware of what things should feel like in terms of Pleasure but I don't think there was anything. And he just left me again and a day later he messaged me saying I don't think we should do it anymore, he had enough of me and had what he wanted whether he felt it was worth it or not. Did he rape me legally because of drink?

I don't believe you could legally call that rape.

But did he still do something wrong or am I overreacting?

Maybe getting so drunk that you cannot make proper decisions is not the wisest idea. What do you think?

I'm sorry but that wasn't my intention, I wanted the courage. I was stupid but haven't you ever felt that way?

I was only 18 going on 19, he was 18. I also have Autism. I'd never been drunk before. You are right though, I'm growing up and I agree.

I was only 19 and I have Autism, I have never drank before.

So much victim blaming in this thread. This was rape.

It may not have been the most ideal experience but i dont see how it was rape.

I agree. Having regrets afterward is different than being raped.

Hi Emaa...reading what you wrote, I don't see this as rape. What I see is a terrible first sex experience with someone who doesn't deserve you. I'm so sorry you experienced that. It really hurts to care about and want someone who doesn't care about and want you. It may not be rape (just my opinion), but it doesn't make what happened to you any less painful or hurtful (or profoundly impacting on you). You are young but I'm sure you have many great things to offer the world, and the people you have relationships with.

I'm not entering into the whole debate over what did/didn't happen....seriously though, where's the COMPASSION?? This is not the first time on this forum I've read hurtful/judgmental "feedback" off of other users....my heart goes out to you (((E)))

I agree! Some people should be ashamed for the way they have responded here.

Seriously? In mental health SUPPORT forum? What kind of answers are these? This girl is a teenager and has autism. I hope she finds help somewhere else as she obviously didn’t get the support that she deserved here.

I don't know the law where you live, but if you were in any way impaired, then you could not properly give consent. Whether that impairment was from the drink or the autism, he took advantage of it. Rape isn't the only form of sexual assault there is.

Since you are vulnerable due to your autism, I would advise avoiding alcohol and not being alone with questionable young men. This in no way makes it your fault--he's the weasel who went after someone who didn't have full faculties--but it does mean you need to take extra precautions.

I'm very sorry this happened to you.