[AAAAA]

I responded to a thread in general about how I was raised. This got me thinking. I remember before the trouble started. It was a perfect childhood until I was 5. I had an extended network of family and close family friends that thought I could do no wrong.

My parents had me very early, my mother was barely 16 and my father barely 18. Before he joined the Army, I was the only baby around. And I was loved. I knew this.

I remember playing in my playroom with powdered jello "cooking" and my dad coming in to give me a kiss before he went to work on afternoon shift. I HAD to be covered in red Jello, but he didn't say a word to my mom, he let me keep on "cooking".

I mention all of this because I don't know why evil individuals KNEW that I would not tell (at least until I was around 11). If it had been one person, then I would understand, but it was not. I was not seeking love that I didn't get at home, because at that time, I remember feeling like the most special girl on the planet.

I was molested by more than one person, and until I came to this site I did not think that anyone would believe that, I have trouble believing it, and I lived it! Did I have some form of target on my back?

How did they know that I would think there was something wrong with me? How did they know that I wouldn't say anything? Is there some secret form of communication, prime target three o'clock. I KNOW none of this was my fault, I do, but what in the hell did I do that let them know that it was ok to attack me? I had three seperate men molest me between the ages of 5 and 11. It took place in different states even.

So either the number of attackers out there are astronomical, which I hope and pray is not the case, or there is something that each one of them saw in me that told them it was ok. What was it? How could such a wonderful childhood go so wrong?

How could my parents not have seen the signs. I didn't want to leave the house. And when I was older I'd sneak my brother through town to go back home when we were supposed to stay at "Uncle Phil's". This went on a long time. Our teenage babysitter noticed, how did two grown adults not notice?

Logically I know that the fault lies with the men that did this to me. I know that a five year old, six, seven, etc cannot be responsible. And I know that my parents would have never allowed this to happen, had they believed it was possible. But what was it that made everything fall into place to make me the perfect victim?

I really do not want sympathy, I want answers. How do these men know who to pick? The pit in my stomach is anger and fear, not for me anymore, or my children that I watched like a hawk, never letting them out of my sight, sleepovers were at my house, the kids played at my house. Which is not to say that they cannot be attacked now, but I've raised them with their childhood in tact and the message to kick anyone that touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, kick them in the crotch as hard as you can and let me know as soon as possible no matter what threat they give you.

I fear for all of those children out there. Mine was not an unhappy childhood at that time, I was not looking for love that I was not getting at home. Any child is at risk and that scares the hell out of me. I survived, but I have no wisdom to share, nothing to help those poor defensless chilren. How do we stop this?

[Perna]

It sounds primarily a crime of availability. With your parents not knowing (across town?) how convenient for anyone wanting an "unprotected" little girl. It wasn't "you" they wanted, any little girl would have done and you, unfortunately, were available.