[Fuzzybear]

I’ve had a need to fight back against bullies and abusers. They completely lack empathy and enjoyed hurting me .. repeatedly.

Does this make me “a bad person” for fighting back?

I’ve also felt invalidated by some on some other MI forums.........

And I’ve also been abused by a therapist and more than one doctor, in “real” life.

I do not want or need to hear “move on”

[12AM]

Fuzzy

I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all to fight the bullies or abusers. Doesn’t make you a bad person either as you’re only protecting yourself. I think it’s the right thing to do instead. I want to say “Fight back so that they would stop being bullies/abusers”, but sadly most of time that’s not going to happen. As you said, they’re completely lack of empathy so it’s impossible to make them understand our perspective. Rather than arguing or fight them physically, I think it’d be wiser if we just leave and avoid them. Block them from our lives. That’s how we fight back.

However the “need to fight back” may become unhealthy when we’re not in an abusive situation anymore but still want to fight back. We still want to come and yell at them for example. Holding grudges will delay us from our recovery. The best revenge for those abusers that we already left behind is by being happy with our current life

As for mental illness forums, I’d try to remember that everyone there has their own illnesses. Certain diagnoses don’t get along with each other and we might trigger each other’s symptoms. I’d say just avoid certain forums that make you feel uncomfortable. I do try to avoid certain forums myself. Sending hugs

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I’ve had a need to fight back against bullies and abusers. They completely lack empathy and enjoyed hurting me .. repeatedly.

Does this make me “a bad person” for fighting back?

I’ve also felt invalidated by some on some other MI forums.........

And I’ve also been abused by a therapist and more than one doctor, in “real” life.

I do not want or need to hear “move on”

Repetitive abuse can take a long time to heal from.... I'm still healing and it's been a year since I was last abused, but I was abused repeatedly in many different relationships before that, sooo.....

My therapist tells me the most recent one (a year ago) triggers old feelings in me from past abuse and my childhood, so she says my reactions are even stronger now, due to the repetitive nature.

I empathize immensely with you....

I also completely understand the need and desire to put them in their place, tell them where to get off, and tell them off, essentially. I've read that's one healthy way of handling it.

There's no right or wrong way... it's what feels most right to you, you know?

It doesn't make you bad a person whatsoever... it makes you a survivalist, a strong person, someone who is willing to stand up for themselves, and say "that is unacceptable treatment!!!!!" and "I will not tolerate it!!!!"

So GOOD FOR YOU!!!

[TishaBuv]

The only thing you really can do is eliminate them from your life.

The abusers will keep on abusing if you keep them around.

If it makes you feel good to tell them off go ahead. It doesn’t matter.

they have PERMANENTLY DAMAGED MY LIFE!!

FOR WHAT??? What?? A GOOD LAY???

Originally Posted by Heartlight

they have PERMANENTLY DAMAGED MY LIFE!!

FOR WHAT??? What?? A GOOD LAY???

I’m so sorry... it is possible to heal and to have a good life still. That’s the best revenge, really. When you stop being victim to any abuse or remnants of abuse, when you take happiness by the horns and say enough is enough, I deserve to be happy and screw them, that’s an extremely empowering moment. So screw them, make your life the way you want it to be, live according to your own rules and be happy again.

[Miss P]

Fighting back makes you strongest, it makes you brave...that’s wat it makes you. I’m so sorry, everybody, what happened to you wasn’t right and I love G/eve’s post....AMEN!

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I’ve had a need to fight back against bullies and abusers. They completely lack empathy and enjoyed hurting me .. repeatedly.

Does this make me “a bad person” for fighting back?

I’ve also felt invalidated by some on some other MI forums.........

And I’ve also been abused by a therapist and more than one doctor, in “real” life.

I do not want or need to hear “move on”

Dear Sweet Fuzzy, I admire you. You have the courage I wish I had. When it comes to fighting back I am the cowardly lion, and run the other way. I avoid conflict like a plague. Don't ever feel bad for standing up for your self, or beliefs!!!

[Fuzzybear]

Passive aggressive bull ****. WTF is WRONG with some people .. they make me so SICK

People who are supposed to be grown up behaving like playground bullies. What a load of ****ing CRAP

I don’t like this world and all the stupid HORRIBLE people

(Not anyone here)

[happysobercrafter]

(((((((((Fuzzybear))))))))))))))))))

I hear your anguish. And I agree, it blows my mind when people behave so horribly. Going off on them won't help you manage that, in my opinion.

Are you familiar with assertiveness training? It focuses on "I" statements, not on "You" statements that make people defensive. It is tough to do in heated arguments and it takes focus and practice.

I wish I could help you somehow; at this distance, telling you about assertiveness is the best I can offer.