FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#1
I have a very strong, intense need in me to stand up to abuse, to fight back and to put that person, the abuser, in their rightful place where they belong.
Even long after the relationship has ended, I still feel this intense need and I cannot let it go until I have said my peace and have stood up for myself. I do not know where this comes from within me... but does anyone else feel the same way? Why can't I just walk away, wipe my hands clean and be done with it? Is this a self-respect thing? Fighting for my sense of self and my own self-respect? Literally, I cannot let something go until I've said it all, and I will hold onto an abusive relationship LONG after it's ended, emotionally and mentally, until I feel I have said my peace and have put that person in their place. |
Reply With Quote |
Open Eyes
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 3,273
7 |
#2
I did take revenge on an abusive bully by crossing the law in a minor offense sort of way. I did not physically harm anyone, and I still don't feel better anyway.
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous40643
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#3
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 3,273
7 |
#4
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous40643
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#5
|
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Posts: 2,299
9 |
#6
There is a few people I want revenge on but I'm just gonna let karma take care of it . I don't even know where these people live any way and wouldn't want to get myself in trouble by breaking the law.
|
Reply With Quote |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#7
I'm not really talking about revenge necessarily. I'm talking more so about standing up for yourself in the face of abuse, or in the aftermath of abuse...... and wanting to fight back and give it to them.
|
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 190
8 64 hugs
given |
#8
I’m not sure what your relationship was like, but I finally put it together for me: I used to want to explain myself, to defend myself, to justify myself in the face of a flood of accusations and threats and insults. I used to. But my wife sees any of that as a fight, and she loves a fight, she thrives on it, it makes her feel alive, she craves it, NEEDS it ... and so, in order for me to escape, and to be able to let go and move on, I must not engage with her: it just leads to fighting. Now I say what I need to say—but no longer to her. I write it down (and because we always had the same arguments I go back and edit, a lot). It serves my needs without dragging us back into the chaos that used to be our marriage. One day I may post all that stuff here but for now it’s locked away in the data vault.
|
Reply With Quote |
Open Eyes
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#9
Quote:
May I ask what needs of yours writing all that down serves? What I am facing is not telling the person off necessarily & starting a fight, but putting them in their place and saying it like it is. This is long after the relationship ended and after a confrontation by email. But I am not sure it will serve any purpose other than pissing him off more and making him react. This is if he contacts me again.... he may not. I have written down my response.... and that could be enough, just like for you. Last edited by Anonymous40643; Jun 04, 2018 at 06:40 AM.. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: New york
Posts: 56
6 |
#10
Yes, I can understand that. But unfortunately you have to realize that it doesn't work. Don't even waste your breath. Abusers abuse because they think they are just, right, and you are weak and need to be corrected and controlled. I spent many a time wanting to tell my abuser he was/ did abuse me. I could have stood there till I was blue in the face, (and I have), and it just doesn't make a difference in their lives. They will read your email and laugh and say "I wasn't abusive LOL!" and delete it quicker than it took you to even type it.
The best way to stand up to an abuser is to live your life the way you want to live it and succeed. Get a new relationship, be happy, and accept you are wonderful and don't deserve to be abused in any way. Silent victory. |
Reply With Quote |
luvyrself
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#11
Quote:
Yes, I, too, have experienced what you are talking about -- denial and laughing at me, then of course, more accusations and more abuse, etc etc. when confronting them. I AM living a good life now. I suppose I just want the last word and to put him in his place, for the sake of my own self respect and self love. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: New york
Posts: 56
6 |
#12
Quote:
I got a "yes you do". It's not worth it. If they really want to heal and change, they don't need your words. Your absence is enough. I thought that it would do some justice and change their mind set but it doesn't. They will just become angered at being challenged with the notion of the fact that YOU are calling THEM abusive. YOU dare tell them you don't like their behavior! How DARE you tell them they wrong! Last edited by Confusedxx; Jun 05, 2018 at 08:52 AM.. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous40643
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#13
Quote:
And thank you...... you are SO RIGHT!!!! That's exactly how they respond! How dare you question me, how dare you call me out on my poor treatment of you, and how dare you accuse me of being abusive...... oh Lordy, yes, I've received all of that and then some. TY. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Legendary
Member Since Oct 2010
Location: Under the noise floor
Posts: 18,579
(SuperPoster!)
13 11.8k hugs
given |
#14
All but one of my abusers is dead. And the last abuser may be dead too for all I know. I haven’t heard from him in years.
My “revenge” is I’m married to someone who actually cares about me. I’m not a trophy wife, I’m not a cash cow, and I’m not having to please someone at the expense of myself. I can be me. |
Reply With Quote |
happysobercrafter
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#15
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Princess Tutu
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 7,912
12 2,894 hugs
given |
#16
I feel the need to get him out the streets where he can sexually abuse and rape other little girls.
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous40643
|
Grand Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,740
6 144 hugs
given |
#17
I do but then it will just make her look even better. So I dont see the point. Plus she was a child and couldnt have understood the consequences. It does piss me off that she has this hunky dory life and I am head deep in ***** and alot of it is because of her.
|
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 190
8 64 hugs
given |
#18
Quote:
I think that’s exactly why I write it down: to put her in her place and tell it like it is. But then... if I actually do that it doesn’t work out for me—I might look at it as communication but she looks at it as a fight. So it doesn’t matter what I say: anything I say can and will be used against me in a future fight. It’s really better to just not communicate with her, but because I have it bouncing around my head, it helps to write it down. |
|
Reply With Quote |
New Member
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Main
Posts: 2
5 |
#19
Quote:
I think its normal to want to stand up for yourself, to show that person that you cannot be taken advantage of anymore, and save any dignity you can. But it's just not worth it to fight back, and sink down to their level. Take it from me. The best thing you can do is move on and be happy, and take away their power. I just wish it was as easy to do as it sounds |
|
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: South United States
Posts: 40
6 2 hugs
given |
#20
I wrestled with the same issues of wanting to go drive across country to confront the person who had abused me as a child. After a TON of rational thinking, therapy, etc I decided that it wasn't what "I" needed. I just wanted to look the person in the face and ask them why they did it. For me it was just that I wanted closure on the subject and being rational closure was not gonna come from me doing that. I think the best thing for someone to do is to say your peace fine but after that in my mind now if you keep trying to get back at the other person there still winning. So the thing that finally got me from wanting to confront/maybe hurt the person was realizing that by focusing on that person that person was still controlling me, and so I forgave that person and moved on for ME, not for them. I hope this helps some I know I was rambling some.
__________________ Diagnosis: Borderline Personality Disorder,ADD,PTSD. |
Reply With Quote |
Reply |
|