[Welahroxy]

Hi, I'm 23 and feel like this is embarrassing.

My brother who is 28 is inappropriatly touching me.
This happened when I was a kid I actually told my parents and I remember them calling me a liar, and I started running away from home, I was brought back by the police multipule times, it got violet, and aged 12 I was put into care, and I felt like no one believed me in my family, he's the golden child of the family he can do no wrong.

I lost contact with my family while I was in care I know alot of kids have a horrible time in care but I actually loved it, for me it was being with my friends 24/7 yea we had rules, but every weekend we went out that's something my parents couldn't afford, they couldn't afford cinemas, days out, clothes allowance every month.

When I was 17 I started to get back into contact as I was getting ready to leave, I had my own flat until I was 21, which is when my mother started to get ill so I moved back in my brother moved back to town lives a couple miles away, and I hate when he comes over, if I know he's coming I have to make an excuse to go out, I'm scared to be in the same room with him while my mother is in another room I literally follow her like a lost dog just so he won't do anything, it's been going on for about a few months and I'm asking for advice now because he's moved on, like he used to touch my breasts, now he's moving down and I feel very uncomfortable with that the only person that is allowed to touch me is my boyfriend, and my brother has started moving my arm to rub against his penis, which has got me worried too, I leave the room immediately but idk what to say, if I tell my boyfriend I'm worried he'll attack my brother, if I tell my mother I worry it may make her ill for the stress and I don't belive that she'll belive me.

So I really don't know what to do, sometimes I argue with my brother over tiny things but I make it into this huge thing just so he won't come over or so I can block him and not talk to him, just to get that week of realif I guess.

Just saying this now I feel stupid because I know what everyone is thinking just move, I don't want to because I missed 6 years with my family and if anything happened to my mother I would never forgive myself for being selfish and not being with her, on the other hand trying not to sound selfish I don't know what this is doing to my health I feel ridiculous for not saying anything, stressed that I can't because I know no one will belive me, I don't know what to do.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Welahroxy

Hi, I'm 23 and feel like this is embarrassing.

My brother who is 28 is inappropriatly touching me.
This happened when I was a kid I actually told my parents and I remember them calling me a liar, and I started running away from home, I was brought back by the police multipule times, it got violet, and aged 12 I was put into care, and I felt like no one believed me in my family, he's the golden child of the family he can do no wrong.

I lost contact with my family while I was in care I know alot of kids have a horrible time in care but I actually loved it, for me it was being with my friends 24/7 yea we had rules, but every weekend we went out that's something my parents couldn't afford, they couldn't afford cinemas, days out, clothes allowance every month.

When I was 17 I started to get back into contact as I was getting ready to leave, I had my own flat until I was 21, which is when my mother started to get ill so I moved back in my brother moved back to town lives a couple miles away, and I hate when he comes over, if I know he's coming I have to make an excuse to go out, I'm scared to be in the same room with him while my mother is in another room I literally follow her like a lost dog just so he won't do anything, it's been going on for about a few months and I'm asking for advice now because he's moved on, like he used to touch my breasts, now he's moving down and I feel very uncomfortable with that the only person that is allowed to touch me is my boyfriend, and my brother has started moving my arm to rub against his penis, which has got me worried too, I leave the room immediately but idk what to say, if I tell my boyfriend I'm worried he'll attack my brother, if I tell my mother I worry it may make her ill for the stress and I don't belive that she'll belive me.

So I really don't know what to do, sometimes I argue with my brother over tiny things but I make it into this huge thing just so he won't come over or so I can block him and not talk to him, just to get that week of realif I guess.

Just saying this now I feel stupid because I know what everyone is thinking just move, I don't want to because I missed 6 years with my family and if anything happened to my mother I would never forgive myself for being selfish and not being with her, on the other hand trying not to sound selfish I don't know what this is doing to my health I feel ridiculous for not saying anything, stressed that I can't because I know no one will belive me, I don't know what to do.

Im sorry we cant tell you what to do. one because you are now an adult not a child so its now up to you what you decide to do, whether you decide to stay where your abusive brother and mother are, whether you report any ongoing present abuses.

bottom line is now that you are an adult no one but you can decide what to do.

we can make suggestions like maybe contacting a mental health treatment provider who can help you sort out your feelings and decide for yourself what you want to do and how you want to go about doing it.

we can also tell you what we would do if we were in the same situation...

if I was an adult living where a relative was abusing me I would...

contact the nearest crisis center and begin therapy.
if I decide to report the problem I would go to my local police department and make out an abuse on an adult report.
if I decided to prosecute I would ask my therapist how to go about getting a lawyer and doing that.
If I was being abused as an adult I would also be contacting my local social services Adult Protection, this is a social services agency that helps adults who are being abused by helping them to get set up with mental health services and if they decide to, move out of the home in which the abuse is happening.
if I was an adult being abused by a relative I would also be in contact with my nearest domestic violence agency, this is an agency that helps people who are being abused by relatives, friends, partners, husbands/ wives....

thats about all that we do here on psych central other than read your posts. we cant make your decisions for you, only you can do that.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Welahroxy: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral.

You've already received a reply outlining the various types of options that are likely available to you. And, as has already been observed, since you're now an adult, it's really up to you to decide how you wish to address this situation. However here are links to 5 articles on the subject of sexual abuse, from PsychCentral's archives, that hopefully may provide you with some additional perspective regarding your situation, the first by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D.:

Coping with Sexual Abuse - Psych Central

Healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse | The Recovery Expert

Podcast: The Perpetual Trauma of Child Sexual Abuse (Isn't What You Think)

6 Big Reasons Women Don’t Report Sexual Abuse Right Away – Psychology of Women

Abuse: Support Groups Resources

| Psych Central

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Welahroxy

Hi, I'm 23 and feel like this is embarrassing.

My brother who is 28 is inappropriatly touching me.
This happened when I was a kid I actually told my parents and I remember them calling me a liar, and I started running away from home, I was brought back by the police multipule times, it got violet, and aged 12 I was put into care, and I felt like no one believed me in my family, he's the golden child of the family he can do no wrong.

I lost contact with my family while I was in care I know alot of kids have a horrible time in care but I actually loved it, for me it was being with my friends 24/7 yea we had rules, but every weekend we went out that's something my parents couldn't afford, they couldn't afford cinemas, days out, clothes allowance every month.

When I was 17 I started to get back into contact as I was getting ready to leave, I had my own flat until I was 21, which is when my mother started to get ill so I moved back in my brother moved back to town lives a couple miles away, and I hate when he comes over, if I know he's coming I have to make an excuse to go out, I'm scared to be in the same room with him while my mother is in another room I literally follow her like a lost dog just so he won't do anything, it's been going on for about a few months and I'm asking for advice now because he's moved on, like he used to touch my breasts, now he's moving down and I feel very uncomfortable with that the only person that is allowed to touch me is my boyfriend, and my brother has started moving my arm to rub against his penis, which has got me worried too, I leave the room immediately but idk what to say, if I tell my boyfriend I'm worried he'll attack my brother, if I tell my mother I worry it may make her ill for the stress and I don't belive that she'll belive me.

So I really don't know what to do, sometimes I argue with my brother over tiny things but I make it into this huge thing just so he won't come over or so I can block him and not talk to him, just to get that week of realif I guess.

Just saying this now I feel stupid because I know what everyone is thinking just move, I don't want to because I missed 6 years with my family and if anything happened to my mother I would never forgive myself for being selfish and not being with her, on the other hand trying not to sound selfish I don't know what this is doing to my health I feel ridiculous for not saying anything, stressed that I can't because I know no one will belive me, I don't know what to do.

Get the abuse on tape. Call the police on him for sexual assault.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

Get the abuse on tape. Call the police on him for sexual assault.

for anyone wanting to film abuse many states and countries consider this to be illegal now.

1. because it can be used against you. it documents not only what the abuser is saying and doing but also the victims own side of things including clothing choices, wording, body language. I cant tell you how many domestic violence cases were dismissed, thrown out, and perpetrator let go and the victim ended up being prosecuted for things like entrapment, harassment, being told well you shouldnt have worn this or that and other garbage.

2. here in america even the criminals have rights to not being filmed with out their knowledge by anyone other than law enforcement. I just had a friend in a domestic violence situation prosecuted for not getting the abusers permission for recording them. and not publicly displaying a sign out side their home saying anyone who entered the home was being video taped.

one way to wrap your head around this law think about going to therapy and your therapist without asking your permission first turns their cell phone on record and sit there recording you. no way right you have rights that says no one not even treatment providers can record you without your permission.)

my suggestion to anyone wanting to tape a crime against them...

1. first check with your city, town and state laws.
2. notify the abuser that any contact with them will be recorded.
3.prominently display a sigh outside your home that you are recording and that you have security system.
4. register with your local police department your recording system and be honest as to why you will be recording a crime in your home.

and remember most abusers find ways to blame the victim so be prepared that the abuser can say you and the abuser were making a prank video for Youtube and that you asked for it before you started recording.

me I got a dog when I found out my abuser was back in town. I registered my dog with the police department and prominently display on my doors windows that the place is protected by a guard dog.

I also attended self defense classes. its amazing what a person can do just on their own to damage an abuser with out a weapon that could be taken and used against you.

and my abuser knows I dont mess around or hesitate. I went to court and got a protection order (some places call this a restraining order) if they come near me the cops are called. they are automatically arrested.

[Betty_Banana]

Originally Posted by Welahroxy

Hi, I'm 23 and feel like this is embarrassing.

My brother who is 28 is inappropriatly touching me.
This happened when I was a kid I actually told my parents and I remember them calling me a liar, and I started running away from home, I was brought back by the police multipule times, it got violet, and aged 12 I was put into care, and I felt like no one believed me in my family, he's the golden child of the family he can do no wrong.

I lost contact with my family while I was in care I know alot of kids have a horrible time in care but I actually loved it, for me it was being with my friends 24/7 yea we had rules, but every weekend we went out that's something my parents couldn't afford, they couldn't afford cinemas, days out, clothes allowance every month.

When I was 17 I started to get back into contact as I was getting ready to leave, I had my own flat until I was 21, which is when my mother started to get ill so I moved back in my brother moved back to town lives a couple miles away, and I hate when he comes over, if I know he's coming I have to make an excuse to go out, I'm scared to be in the same room with him while my mother is in another room I literally follow her like a lost dog just so he won't do anything, it's been going on for about a few months and I'm asking for advice now because he's moved on, like he used to touch my breasts, now he's moving down and I feel very uncomfortable with that the only person that is allowed to touch me is my boyfriend, and my brother has started moving my arm to rub against his penis, which has got me worried too, I leave the room immediately but idk what to say, if I tell my boyfriend I'm worried he'll attack my brother, if I tell my mother I worry it may make her ill for the stress and I don't belive that she'll belive me.

So I really don't know what to do, sometimes I argue with my brother over tiny things but I make it into this huge thing just so he won't come over or so I can block him and not talk to him, just to get that week of realif I guess.

Just saying this now I feel stupid because I know what everyone is thinking just move, I don't want to because I missed 6 years with my family and if anything happened to my mother I would never forgive myself for being selfish and not being with her, on the other hand trying not to sound selfish I don't know what this is doing to my health I feel ridiculous for not saying anything, stressed that I can't because I know no one will belive me, I don't know what to do.

Your post made me feel sick because I can really relate to what you're going through.I'm sorry you're going through this.

I can understand you not really knowing what to do and how to handle the situation,especially since it happened in childhood too.You were helpless back then and now as an adult you're feeling the same way and it clouds your judgement.

I got help from a therapist.I had to learn how to handle situations like that.I had to build my self esteem,change old patterns and beliefs,etc. to be strong enough to handle it on my own.I had to undo the conditioning I learned at a young age.

My suggestion is to seek outside help with this.Start with a mental health professional.Do something about it now,I don't want you to still be going through this when you're in your 40's like I did.

Hugs.

I'm so sorry to hear this...thank you for having the courage to share your story, as some others on here may have been through a similar experience.

You don't need to be embarrassed because you didn't do anything wrong. I agree with others to consult a therapist that specializes in this, and ask for her opinion.