[Starsabove33]

I am currently going through abuse counselling for something that happened to me around 14 if not before. I was "groomed" by a man of 43. But I never seen it as grooming nor remembered it until now in therapy... I believed we entered a relationship at 15, and that I was "special"

I always knew it didn't sit right with me, but I never knew the extent of which he groomed me until now. It lasted months if not a couple of years until 15 when he had built up such a close relationship- and then made his sexual advances. The "relationship" went on from 15 to 23 where he had a gross amount of power and control (I should add from 18-23 I was away at uni term time, but home for all holidays and back around him).

What I thought was love was some perverted old peado, who preyed on me... Who seen all my vulnerabilities and insecurities and who obviously had a perversion towards children.

I have felt suicidal and so depressed around everything I am remembering. I feel so used and abused... I am suffering so much and with nothing to numb the pain I feel even more helpless.

Anyone went through abuse counselling? I've been to counselling before but this one is affecting me mentally and physically. I feel like I want to give up on life and it's not fair :'(

Will it get easier??

[Raindropvampire]

It will get easier or at least it did for me. Trauma counseling( in my experience) made me feel way worse before it got better.

I also see this is your first post welcome to PC.

[nicoleflynn]

Therapy is the hardest, scariest work you will ever do, but SO worth it. Keep going.Don't allow that evil to destroy you. The blame and shame belong to the criminal...NOT to you. It might help you to write a letter of Restorative Justice...restorative justice says...this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. The letter is for you, not the evil person. Ithink it helps and in a small way, takes your power back...xo

Say it aloud once and be done with it. Personally I don't see the point in including others in this type of healing unless needed. Even then there are resources, schemas, and other therapy plans available to work through on your own. Once you learn how this type of thing effects your life, remove it from your life as quickly as possible without loosing yourself in the process. That is my advice