[Marylin]

I include my narc mother and sister in the category users and abusers.I am a week no contact with both after 45 years of abuse.Why did I put up with them using me and abusing me for so long?I found out my sister has stolen my photos of my niece and old photos of me as a child,she used to pretend these photos of me as a child were of her,and she stole photos that I had of demonstrations I had been on that I took and developed,she claims she took them and developed them herself.For years when I was ill she refused to help me access medical treatment for physical illness and tried to drive me to suicide and under to rock bottom when I was mentally ill from intensive arguments that she caused deliberately to overpower me and shout me down.

How I found the photos were missing,I bumped into an old acquaintance of me and the narc sister at the eye clinic and got chatting and when I got home I wanted to find the photos I took of us on holiday with her.
I found the photos missing,she stole them after I went no contact two years into a four year period when I was no contact.She got hold of my spare keys and let herself into my home without my knowledge or permission,she moved my stuff around and furniture at the time but I didn't notice the photos were gone.I am paranoid that the photos only went missing recently and that she is still getting in that she found a way to get my code for the keysafe.

This acquaintance that I bumped into,I was going to rekindle friendship with her,but I remembered she was abusive to me too,she was freeloading off of us and calling us rich *****es,she said to me she wanted me to commit suicide ,and I said that is murder and she said at the time,I won't do it you should do it to yourself that is what you deserve for what you did to me,which was what? I didn't do nothing to her,she used and verbally abused me.I was going to rekindle friendship,she might have changed,her sister committed suicide in the year 2000,so whether that is karma or not I don't know.But I won't trust someone who treated me so badly in the past.

To be honest all the friends I made in the last 20 years in this town have all ended up being users and verbally abusing me,treating me like a slave or cash cow and I have always ended the acquaintance,you can't call it friendship.

Maybe I attracted that cos I kept major users and abusers like my mum and sister in my life and people could see their treatment of me and decided to get what they could out of me too.That isn't real friendship.Maybe now that I have put me first I will attract quality friendships too.I hope so.One woman I met pretended to be my friends ,4 years ago it was,but turns out she wanted to drive me to doctor's appointments and claim carer's allowance for me.She didn't want to be friends when I refused that.

Another one wanted me to look after her needs by collecting her prescriptions,running round after her and buying her coffees and meals.

I have been one week no contact with my narcs now both mum and sister.I just saw through all the ******** and realised that they never cared and were working against my independence.They wanted me to slave for them and not have a life of my own.I realised they never loved me,any displays of love and affection were to seduce me back into an abusive cycle ,just when I was going to break contact.I can't go through that anymore.

I've felt confused and conflicted but I am clear I won't do for my mother or sister anymore.My sister I won't see or talk to again,my mother I won't talk to unless she phones and then I will politely explain I am no contact with her.I will take any money I am owed from when I worked in the family business cos its mine I earned it.But I am not doing anything in return.I have stopped caring about their needs and I am putting mine first.

I have felt conflicted but writing this helps.I have got a heavy cold this week and am one week no contact,so this cold has made all my negative emotions ten times worse.

Any advice or comments where do I go from here?

[Nilu]

Hello Marylin!
Congratulations for taking a huge step towards your recovery! Art therapy worked really well for me getting out these dark emotions i had been carrying around, giving voice to my experiences. I also did some CBT which helped, but not so much with my daughter. The past week I've been reading many books on recovery from Narcissistic relationships. Something that i only researched on the web. But now we have so many resourceful books to choose from in the last year or two acknowledging this is a social epidemic. However we are a long way from acknowledging in our laws, and court systems. May i suggest to you reading "Power" Surviving and thriving after narccistic abuse and "Healing from hidden abuse" both avail on Amazon or check your library. 4 years ago I got caught up with a Narc and the entire world of it, becuz it just felt so bizarre. Little did i know i would unveil the other Narcs in my life being close relatives of whom had been around for far longer. Currently i am processing my last one. And that has taken a toll on my former expectations for resolve. That we would be reunited and heal from our wounds. Ive only just come tho terms that not only is it unlikely, but that would encourage more pain and suffering without ever addressing what happened. Narcs will never be accountable for wrong doing. So all efforts would be futile. I have moved to a new city, made those healthy friendships i once dreamed of. Had a drama free Thanksgiving and was extremely grateful I am doing the things I've always wanted without interference of flying monkeys or crazy makers. The more information you can get the more you will be able to see in others much quicker. That old acquaintance was a flying monkey or crazy maker themselves. No sane person would utter such absurdities. Take every precaution, and be mindful of your gut instincts. They never lie and are our unique gift. Also check out social media for narcissism pages or private groups. You be amazed at reading your story told by others. The time has come for you to take care of you. "You do you" and see what that feels like. I will tell you it's pretty amazing! 💓

[Marylin]

Thanks Nilu,
It is good to hear from someone else who has experienced narcissistic abuse and understands what it's like to go through it.I am 12 days no contact now and am enjoying the peace and the freedom and to not be abused,controlled,bullied,put down,shouted down,it is a relief.I know I can make loving friendships and that is what I intend to do.I have nothing to lose,my whole life I have attracted narcs,well no more narcs for me,I will choose my friends and pals carefully and wisely from now on.

A good book is,'How To Kill A Narcissist',by JH Simon.