[Abusedbysister]

During the holiday season, I usually go to my hometown and spend time with my family. Although my sister and I get along more or less now, she used to beat me up regularly and bully me around the house and even outside the house. Also, my cousins who witnessed me getting beaten up will also be there. It was very humiliating as I was the older brother. I want to spend time with my family but having her around stresses me out. Obviously, I want to go home for Christmas but I am still scared of her. How do others in similar situations cope with it?

[Skeezyks]

Being that I'm an old person with no family, other than my spouse, the situation you describe is not one I can relate to. However here's a link to an article, from PsychCentral's archives, that provides links to a host of additional articles on the subject of coping with the holidays:

2017 Coping with the Holidays Guide

[Abusedbysister]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Being that I'm an old person with no family, other than my spouse, the situation you describe is not one I can relate to. However here's a link to an article, from PsychCentral's archives, that provides links to a host of additional articles on the subject of coping with the holidays:

2017 Coping with the Holidays Guide

Thank you. I will check the articles out!

This is not for everyone, but I went TOTAL NO CONTACT over 25 years ago.

That includes immediate family, relatives, kin - and anyone else they maintained contact with.

I was criminally abused by my parents and siblings until I escaped that hell hole at 33.5 years of age.

Relatives, kin and family friends knew it was going on and did nothing to intercede.

While not the easiest choice to make, it was the right one because my physical and emotional well-being depended on it.

I wish you the best in figuring out what is best for you and your situation.

Originally Posted by Abusedbysister

During the holiday season, I usually go to my hometown and spend time with my family. Although my sister and I get along more or less now, she used to beat me up regularly and bully me around the house and even outside the house. Also, my cousins who witnessed me getting beaten up will also be there. It was very humiliating as I was the older brother. I want to spend time with my family but having her around stresses me out. Obviously, I want to go home for Christmas but I am still scared of her. How do others in similar situations cope with it?

I can kind of relate to this, although mine is receiving an emotional abuse from a distant relative. Can you try any of the following:

Arrive later or leave early so you are around her for a shorter period of time.

Arrange another day or time block to meet with your family.

Stay as far away from her as possible: Sit at a different table, or if that is not an option, set far from her as possible. Or when socializing be in a different part of the house from her. If she is in the backyard, stay inside. If she is watching movie in the living room, go to the kitchen to offer your help to another relative.

Bring a guest or stay close to someone else in the family so she knows someone is on your side and cannot bully you.

[Abusedbysister]

Thanks for the replies. I don’t want to cut off all my family members at least when my parents are still around. I try to consciously avoid her when possible and there was some good advice by Ennie. She always hosts one night during the holiday season and I can never find an excuse to avoid it (we are Italians). She usually gives me chores before the party. In the past, I worked with my therapist on exercises that were meant to help me say no but whenever I am in front of her, I feel really intimidated and just do what she tells me.