When you were recovering from an abuse, and still "in progress" on working on your self-esteem in therapy, did you find yourself vulnerable to people who seemed to care?

I feel that this is why people sometimes end up in a second abusive situation. This may not necessarily be a romantic relationship. It could be an abusive family-relationship or friendship.

When you are at the peak of your vulnerability, and have not yet completed your therapy, how can you discern between people who genuinely care, and those who take advantage of your vulnerability?

[sarahsweets]

I do not know the answer to this but I will say that sometimes it seems like we have a sign on our foreheads that reads "victim" and it attracts all the perpetrators. Therapy did help me overcome that enough that the sign went away/

[Marylin]

Yes while you are wounded from the first abuser you feel vulnerable and it is like you have a sign on you saying vulnerable and exploitable use me any predators out there.There is a weakness and narcs sniff it,I attracted user friends one after the other until I healed and got my boundaries strong and stopped being too nice and a people pleasers. Part of being codependent is needing to be needed and wanting to fix other people's problems and not knowing when it's not your business to help others out.When narcs sniff this they home in on you and you get abused over again.Strengthen your boundaries and your own self care must come first,you have to learn to be self centred and self caring,put your own interests first and learn how to stop people taking advantage.

Originally Posted by Marylin

Yes while you are wounded from the first abuser you feel vulnerable and it is like you have a sign on you saying vulnerable and exploitable use me any predators out there.There is a weakness and narcs sniff it,I attracted user friends one after the other until I healed and got my boundaries strong and stopped being too nice and a people pleasers. Part of being codependent is needing to be needed and wanting to fix other people's problems and not knowing when it's not your business to help others out.When narcs sniff this they home in on you and you get abused over again.Strengthen your boundaries and your own self care must come first,you have to learn to be self centred and self caring,put your own interests first and learn how to stop people taking advantage.

Great advice. I've heard about having a "scent" of vulnerability that narcs can sniff. Sometimes they appear to be supportive but you find out later that they were only fishing for information, to discover your weak points (which they use against you later--and you totally regret being so open and sharing with them when it's too late).

My counselor (same gender) used to tell me in the beginning that I am smart, beautiful and deserve good relationships. That used to make me blush because I didn't think I deserved such compliments. But now I realize that she was trying to build up my self-esteem.

[Abusedbysister]

I totally agree with all the comments about our scent and the sign on the forehead. I used to attract abusers all my teen years and even in my 20’s and later. I left home when I was about 18 mostly to be away from my sister, and my first roommate very soon became a bully and I became responsible for all cleaning and housework (similar to at home). Unfortunately, I started therapy a bit later and went through many abusive relationships (both romantic and otherwise). Eventually, I managed to make a distinction between true friends and those who pretend they are friends in order to take advantage after years of therapy.