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#1
I tried to ask for advice in another thread but the posters who responded either didn't have direct experience with narcissism, or didn't think it was related to my encounter with the person.
Anyway. I'm interested in discussing narcissism - not as a trend of psychology but as actual traits or even as a disorder. It does effect people and it does exist. It's not just a label. So, if you have any experience with narcissism, I hope you will discuss it here with me. I believe I have had a lot of encounters with both men and women over the years who possess narcissistic traits, and I'd like to hear from others who have too. Please don't respond to this thread if you haven't. That's not the point. |
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Magnate
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#2
I do, StreetcarBlanche.
Anything in particular you'd want to focus on? |
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#3
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It seems like narcissists and codependents are attracted to each other like magnets. I definitely have codependent traits in me -- I am empathic, like to help others, and be a motivator or cheerleader. Yet, I often find myself being taken for granted by personalities who minimalize my feelings, trivialize my concerns, deflect away their accountability, and try to make me feel like I'm the crazy one when I know I'm not. I'd like to focus on how to respond to narcissists who try to minimalize your feelings by calling you a drama queen, as a way to deflect the blame or attention on themselves. Or, try to make you seem like you're crazy for setting boundaries with them. Boundaries are a health way to socialize with people. But narcissists don't like boundaries, b/c they have none. Or it seems like they have no boundaries to me. They are perfect in their own eyes, so if you call them out on something, they will deny it, and shame you for asking them to take ownership of their behavior when it negatively effects your life. |
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Magnate
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#4
Absolutely they will NEVER entertain the idea that anything might be amiss with them or their behavior.
The narcissist in my life, unlike yours, though, would stonewall any such attempts rather than turn aggressively on me. |
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#5
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How does your narcissist stonewall you though? |
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Magnate
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#6
Well, one way was if anything that might be a touchy interpersonal subject came up in a conversation, the Narc. would simply ignore what I said. Not respond. Change the subject.
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#7
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Magnate
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#8
I do have direct experience with Narcissists.
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Anonymous43949, Anonymous48672
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#9
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#10
Yes, I came to PC because of my experience with a covert malignant narcissist...possibly a dark triad with dominant traits in machiavellism.
One time, I set a firmer boundary than usual (yeah, I'm a softie and not good at saying "no"). Well, it would have been better if she rashed out on me in denial or gaslighted me since her true color would have shown. At least I would have a tangible sign to point a finger at. But no, nothing obvious like that. She apologized and evern appreciated me for "informing" her, and appeared to be very understanding. She even complimented me on what a wonderful person I am. It seemed too good to be true based on the pattern of behaviors I have seen over the years (since she holds grudge against others forever when she doesn't get her way). And it was too good to be true. Because soon the passive-aggressive retaliation came my way. You can never think that you are the narcissist's exception. If she has done damage to others, she will eventually do so to you also. A narcissist is not loyal to anyone except herself...if even that! |
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Anonymous48672
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#11
My question on PC regarding a narcissist was posted last December (as you can see my name next to "Asked by"):
How Can I Get a Narcissist to Let Me Go Emotionally ? - Ask the Therapist |
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Anonymous48672
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#12
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You must be an empath like me then ennie. We are magnets for narcissists. |
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#13
I think what the therapist meant was "develop a thicker skin" so I don't let her get to me. That's just my speculation. For sensitive people (i.e. empaths), that's hard. But we must keep trying.
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#14
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What i need to find, is a way to immediately notice through their dialogue with me, what type of manipulative tactic they're using, and how to respond to it. I.e. when they gaslight, minimalize feelings, invalidate facts, blame shift, deflect, etc. |
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Anonymous43949
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#15
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-Exaggerated expressions. If they sound too good to be true and are inconsistent with her actions. -"The look." Like having a grin on her face at an inappropriate time. She looks at you as if you are being ridiculous or as if she is enjoying seeing you aggravated. And if she acts "concerned", but it doesn't feel sincere, try looking away for a while or excuse yourself briefly. She will either have an expression of hatred on her face, or a grin from a sadistic pleasure, as soon as she thinks you are not looking (Hmmm, what happened to that look of concern she just had?) |
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Legendary
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#16
I’m sure I have had direct experience of abuse by people being narcissistic. Some of them might be diagnosable, should they go to a therapist. They never would go to a therapist concerning any of their faults— what faults? So, I couldn’t say I know any narcissists, as I can’t diagnose and they sure wouldn’t seek that out or even respect it should some qualified person tell it to them.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Legendary
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#17
Blanche— your observations seem spot on to me!
One thing I am finding all these articles say is that the narc first shows you this fake face when wooing you, then their real face when they turn mean. I respectfully disagree, and feel like these are both their real faces. They really are charming, witty, etc... then they also really are mean and abusive. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Magnate
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#18
Yes, absolutely TishaBuv. My experience as well. They show you their most attractive face when wooing you, then turn on you when they’ve found their next prey. That is what happened to me exactly. And they leave you wondering, I gave all I had. What did I do wrong? 😖
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TishaBuv
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#19
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__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Magnate
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#20
Yes, TishaBuv, exactly. They are inconsistent, so they keep you constantly off balance.
And after awhile, as you say, you begin to realize there is nothing you can do to really connect with them, as they don't want that. They are constantly changing. And that hurts, as you have come to love them. Many hugs to you. We need them as we try to heal. |
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TishaBuv
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