[Amethyst_Stargazer]

I was raped by my ex boyfriend and they don't understand how bad it is for me. My step father expects me to get over it and my mother seems to avoid it all together. I have anxiety all day long and I'm scared to go outside and leave my house sometimes due to my anxiety being so bad.

I finally got to see a therapist. I'm not crazy, I know this. I just wish people would understand and be a little bit more respectful towards my feelings... like my parents for example. My step father seems to get angry at me anytime I speak of my anxiety and doesn't even like hearing about it. I feel as if he's in denial of what happened. This has been a rough year for me so far. Good things happened in my life so far and I'm happy about those things, but my anxiety makes it hard for me to enjoy life. This is how bad it is. The only thing I find comforting is doing art projects and listening to music.

Sometimes I feel so alone when people are not being understanding towards how I feel and it makes me feel sad.

[nicoleflynn]

I am sorry that happened to you....Glad you are in therapy. Perhaps there is a rape crisis group you could attend. I wouldn't talk about it to your parents since they don't understand, and it makes you feel worse.

I think you need to join and participate in a rape survivors support group. Ask your therapist to help you find one to join.

Your parents reaction of denying your rape event, and shaming you for having anxiety after (a totally normal response to a traumatic event, by the way) is appalling, but common.

i would definitely not confide in your parents anymore since they've shown you through their words and actions, that they don't want to be a support system for you. Again, they sound like awful parents.

What you're experiencing right now, is called "Rape Trauma Syndome."

Check out this website. They have a crisis line that can connect you with better support and probably even help you find a support group that you can join. It is good that you have a therapist, but I think you will benefit from the support of hearing from other rape survivors in the setting of a support group.

About the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline | RAINN

I am so sorry you were raped Amethyst_Stargazer. It was not your fault. You deserved and continue to deserve peace, safe love, and a bright future. I am sorry that your parents are not providing the empathy and support that you need....that anyone would need after surviving rape. That must be very hurtful and confusing for you. I wonder if their inept responses are indicative of low emotional intelligence rather than not caring about you? Several friends have shared their rape and sexual assault truths with me. A common trend is how the people in their lives did not respond in ways which were helpful. I am not diminishing your hurt about your parents' responses...just a different way to think about it...maybe it is less hurtful if the issue is that they are clueless rather than uncaring?

I agree with Nicole and Blanche, I don't think it's going to help you to continue sharing your feelings with your parents. They don't seem able to deal with the situation appropriately.

It is completely understandable that you are struggling with anxiety. If you have not already, it may help you to read about PTSD. I am glad that you were able to speak with a therapist. Was that helpful at all or too early to tell?

Your art projects and music sound wonderful! I admire you for finding some coping strategies. Have you tried any guided meditation? It helps me with depression and anxiety.

I am so sorry that you are feeling lonely and sad. Remember that feeling like that now does not mean that you'll always feel that way. I am hoping that with the right support (from a kind and experienced professional) you will begin to feel much better.

You are not alone. We are here for you at PC. We care. We will not shut you down or get angry with you when you share your truth. Feel free to PM me any time even if you just want a safe or a 'how's your day going?' I wish you peace and hope. You deserve it!

[sarahsweets]

I'll answer as a mom of an assaulted daughter and as someone who was sexually assaulted/abused. And I am not condoning your parents denial at all. I am very open and 16 years of therapy really helped heal me (and getting sober helped). I didn't find out until my daughter was like 16 that she was assaulted when she was younger. The sick thing is, because the perpetrator was also a kid(but old enough) I started minimizing it in my head and thinking she was somehow seeing things the wrong way. I blamed myself, that if I had watched this boy when he visited the neighbors better-it wouldnt have happened. I knew he had a troubled home and was in a lot of trouble in general but my neighbor was his Aunt and had such a good heart. I ignored all the intuitive warning signs and-in my head- wondered if she was exagerating. NEVER did I say any of this outloud or let on that these feelings were triggered.

Years of abuse taught me to minimize and belittle the sexual events because that was how I had rationalized it. Thank God for therapy because I unlearned many unhealthy coping skills. I validated my daughter from day one. I love her and I choose to believe my kid-however uncomfortable it was. As a parent you automatically blame yourself when bad things happen to your kids especially out of your control. If I had been more vigiliant, less of an alcoholic, paid attention better, questioned her more, noticed behavior changes...etc the list is endless. The fact is there were no noticeable signs and like a "true" victim(like her mom) she covered up the abuse and stuffed it way down.

When she was older and experimenting with substances it started to poke back up. She ran away when she turned 18 last March in the middle of high school and there was literally nothing I could do. She showed back up on Mother's day homeless and so beaten down. She went inpatient-rehab-sober house-halfway house. She has never lived with us since March 23 2018. It was pure trauma for us and her siblings and we all started family therapy. She does NA now, managed to squeak out a diploma and works in hospitality at a hotel. Her rent is 150 a week and we allow her to use the car we originally had her using at home. She lives 40 minutes away. I'd like to think it wasnt the assault that made her lean towards mood altering. Hell, I am an alcoholic and I prefer to blame my bipolar/addict genes(she is also bipolar) but I think trauma causes us to do just about anything to feel differently.

My stepfather was not in touch with his feelings at all, it was like he was a disbelieving robot. So imagine him-this strict Texan- dealing with a suicidal-untreated bipolar 16 year old. Denial isn't the half of it. My mom is great and did her best at the time. They are divorced now and ironically he had a drug problem all along that was hidden.
So I am sorry you are not being validated and I am sorry you are suffering. The last thing I wanted to hear was that one day I would grow or change from my bad experiences but I swear I did-and my daughter has too. I hope no one judges me for my feelings here because I was just being honest and thinking sort of "out loud" and sharing them in a safe place.