[CaitlinNoGoYea]

Need to hurt those that hurt me.
I can never forget. I need to make it even or more.
I can only imagine burning there houses down, or their vehicles. Or something more, I need to do something.

[HD7970GHZ]

Originally Posted by CaitlinNoGoYea

Need to hurt those that hurt me.
I can never forget. I need to make it even or more.
I can only imagine burning there houses down, or their vehicles. Or something more, I need to do something.

Hi CaitlinNoGoYea,

Thanks for sharing this.

I want you to know that your anger is valid. Whatever happened to you to cause you to feel this way - you did not deserve it. It is important that you vent your anger and if you don't have a means to do so, you must try alternative coping skills until you find something that works. Exercise is a good way, as is journaling, distress lines can help (be wary some are horrible), you could beat a pillow with a bat. You could punch your bed. You could throw rocks into a river until you are too tired to continue. You can go into a field and scream at the top of your lungs! You can do all kinds of things...

But.

If you decide to do something bad to your abusers - you will be no better than your abusers. And you don't want that. That is not who you are and your guilt and shame will ruin you. Rise above their abuse and do not allow their abuse to force you to do something horrible. Try not to blame yourself with shame for these feelings and thoughts; they are common with trauma. Just be sure to make sure they remain thoughts and do not become actions.

It gets easier with time. Be gentle with yourself.

Do you have someone you trust who you can talk to about this?

Please be safe,
Hd7970ghz

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Hi CaitlinNoGoYea,

Thanks for sharing this.

I want you to know that your anger is valid. Whatever happened to you to cause you to feel this way - you did not deserve it. It is important that you vent your anger and if you don't have a means to do so, you must try alternative coping skills until you find something that works. Exercise is a good way, as is journaling, distress lines can help (be wary some are horrible), you could beat a pillow with a bat. You could punch your bed. You could throw rocks into a river until you are too tired to continue. You can go into a field and scream at the top of your lungs! You can do all kinds of things...

But.

If you decide to do something bad to your abusers - you will be no better than your abusers. And you don't want that. That is not who you are and your guilt and shame will ruin you. Rise above their abuse and do not allow their abuse to force you to do something horrible. Try not to blame yourself with shame for these feelings and thoughts; they are common with trauma. Just be sure to make sure they remain thoughts and do not become actions.

It gets easier with time. Be gentle with yourself.

Do you have someone you trust who you can talk to about this?

Please be safe,
Hd7970ghz

This is great advice - and I agree. You did not deserve it Caitlin. It was never your fault. None of it. Your anger is completely valid - so long as you do not allow it to become violence performed upon another person.

If you feel that is too hard for you to keep from - perhaps anger management is a good idea for you.

I have spent time speaking with you in PM, and know you to be a good person. Don't let the anger swallow you up. ❤

[BLUEDOVE]

I know the feeling,but as you well know,it is only hurting you. Maybe you would like to try what I do.
That is,make your 'revenge' something,anything,that helps abused kids or abused adults.I support a
charity for abused kids,and try and help people like you,here and elsewhere.In short,turn your pain
into something GOOD.
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

[KD1980]

I'm sorry you're hurting. I know what these feelings are like. I went into therapy and I am doing so much better. Are you in therapy? I recommend it if possible.

In the meantime, write a letter and pour out your feelings to your abusers. Tell them how much you hate them in your letter. let it all out on paper.

I hope you are able to heal from this.

Originally Posted by BLUEDOVE

I know the feeling,but as you well know,it is only hurting you. Maybe you would like to try what I do.
That is,make your 'revenge' something,anything,that helps abused kids or abused adults.I support a
charity for abused kids,and try and help people like you,here and elsewhere.In short,turn your pain
into something GOOD.
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

Yes, that's the greatest revenge: Take away the power of abusers.

You can also go into advocacy and activism, such as pushing for stricter laws on abuse, or raising awareness through prevention education.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by ennie

Yes, that's the greatest revenge: Take away the power of abusers.

You can also go into advocacy and activism, such as pushing for stricter laws on abuse, or raising awareness through prevention education.

[Disapear]

I fee the same way towards others. I feel like no matter which way I turn I get smacked in the face. So tired of it . Revenge I’m with u. All the coping skills in the world doesn’t help. So done

[CaitlinNoGoYea]

Originally Posted by Disapear

I fee the same way towards others. I feel like no matter which way I turn I get smacked in the face. So tired of it . Revenge I’m with u. All the coping skills in the world doesn’t help. So done

Right.
Like why I should go through life coping with what others have done to me?
I'd rather take action and get even, and stop being a coward.

I bet if I stood up for myself years ago, I wouldn't be having this conversation. People always told me "be the bigger person" or "forget about it."

I think people who tell others such things are bad people. Or they could just be cowards too. Or they never had to fight in their life. Etc

By engaging in a revenge, you give your abuser power. They want you to degrade yourself and stoop down to their level.

I don't think that I am one of the "bad people" or even a coward for saying that the abused should preserve their integrity.

That's different from saying, "forget about it."

Your feelings are perfectly validated.

But have you thought through the consequences of your potential actions?

Do you think it will help you move forward or do you think it will take you backwards in your healing process? If you do something you regret, it can take years to recover from the guilt and shame of your actions.

If this is an urge you can't seem to control, I recommend therapy.

You are not obligated to agree with me. But I will not apologize for caring about the abused enough to say these things. The choice is ultimately up to you, but I am entitled to my opinion just as you are to yours.