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#1
I am now learning about narc abuse.... which is what I suffered with my ex fiance.
I am reading a tremendously helpful guide on narc abuse and healing. She writes that victims of narc abuse all share the following characteristics. I've bolded what most resonated for me about myself. And the truth of the matter is, I have sought approval from others, I DO obtain my self esteem based on my achievements and successes, rather than just on who I am, and I am most, if not all of these things. She says we attract abusers.... and these are the characteristics of those who attract narc abusers. I especially have had poor boundaries, periods of low self esteem & self worth, and seek approval from others. This is painful, yet eye-opening! You,
Healing, which involves the transition from pain – to anger – to grief – to acceptance – to the regaining of self, and the healing of the unhealed parts that need resolution, is a much more complicated and convoluted journey when dealing with narcissistically abused individuals, than it is with people with standard relationship problems." Last edited by Anonymous40643; Jun 29, 2019 at 11:52 AM.. |
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KD1980, Misery Business, seesaw
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Fuzzybear, luvyrself, MrMoose, seesaw
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#2
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__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Anonymous40643, Anonymous43949, Fuzzybear
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#3
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Yes, I've worked on these things all of my life! Healing my shattered self-esteem and building self-worth. But somehow, I was susceptible once again, to abuse, after my self-esteem had suffered a HUGE blow in life. I was down and out.... so what do I have to do? Rebuild all over again, and I know I am well on my way. I am more self aware as well, but I fear I have a lot more work to do. |
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Anonymous43949, Leannebug
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#4
Your long list is applicable to so so many types of dysfunction. Ive dated and even marrried narcissists. So what do we do when we are prone to not getting our needs met in relationships and work situations? Ive had a lot of help from you people at Psych Central in thinking about how to face a difficult situation in my life lately and how to do right by myself and the people in my life while balancing my bipolar.
I try to make a list and prioritize things, making sure that I take care of myself in a big way. It is necessary to break things down into baby steps tho we would all like to be superheroes and do it all in a single bound at the same time. Make ourselves strong without devastating other people as the narcissists do. Find people who are always there for us, and cultivate those relationships without giving too little or too much. Build our self esteem. Is that a tall order LOL? Yes, but the price of not doing this is repeating devastating scenarios. Hugs, Eve __________________ Bipolar 2 with anxious distress mixed states & rapid cycling under severe stress tegretol 200 mg wellbutrin 75 mg, cut in half or higher dose as needed Regular aerobic exercise SKILLSET/KNOWLEDGE BASE: Family Medical Advocate Masters in Library Science Multiple Subject Teaching Credential-15 yrs in public schools |
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Anonymous40643, Anonymous43949
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Blknblu
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#5
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Thank you. Hugs back! |
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#6
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It takes healthy self-love (as opposed to narcissism) to not tolerate being exploited or abused. Healthy self-love is something I am learning to develop as an adult. Codependency No More: How to Recover from Self-Love Deficit Disorder |
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Anonymous40643, Fuzzybear
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Fuzzybear
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#7
It’s a little (okay, a lot) horrifying to read that list and see how well it fits me. I guess I’m lucky that I escaped for several decades before I got sucked into the orbit of an abuser.
What’s horrifying is that for some of those traits listed, not only do I have them but I have always believed them to be strengths that were positive and good—Intelligent, giving, positive “can do” attitude, strive for stability, try to make things work, independent, capable, unselfish, blah blah blah. But those are the traits she manipulated to drag me (and my daughter) into being subservient to her dysfunctional needs. I find it hard to imagine that the secret to a good life is therefore to become ignorant, selfish, greedy, pessimistic, hapless, and negative. But certainly, having better boundaries and being more self-protective are good steps. |
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Anonymous40643, Anonymous43949, Fuzzybear
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Fuzzybear
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#8
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I'm trying to learn healthy self-love too. |
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Anonymous43949
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#9
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I agree that those are in fact all positive traits to own. Healthy boundaries and self protection are important. |
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Wisest Elder Ever
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#10
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Thanks for this link ennie I have been .... exploited and abused ...by more than a few who would fit the dx of malignant narcissism . Including most in the FOO. Thanks to all in this thread __________________ |
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Anonymous40643, Anonymous43949
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