Abuser won't let me pay down credit card debt with money I earned

I have been trying to find a way out since my sister ruined my credit so I cannot leave a horrible situation. If you haven't read my previous posts, the short version is that my older sister controlled all our money since we were orphaned. She has wracked up debt in my name so I don't have option to leave until I repair my credit.

This week, I found a way to earn extra cash outside my normal job. It's very little, but I earned this money specifically to pay down my credit card with the highest interest. I even contacted the bank and asked if it would reduce interest in my account if I paid small amounts earlier than the due date and they said it would definitely lower my accrued interest.

But I can only pay this through bank accounts controlled by my sister and once my money goes into the bank, she won't let me pay it to my credit card.

My sister has money anxiety disorder so she insists on controlling all household income and gets abusive and insulting when I have an opinion or want to control accounts in my own name. She keeps all our credit cards nearly maxed out so that we pay thousands of dollars in interest while she hangs onto all the cash I earn.

I believe, and the bank confirmed it, that If I use my earnings to pay down my credit card balance and then spent that same money out of my credit card later, it would still reduce the amount of interest for that month. Plus, our credit cards offer cash back so spending my income through the credit card would save a lot more money than hanging onto it to spend in cash.

I'm just frustrated that I found a way to reduce my debt and my sister's bad judgement and mental illnesses is driving us further towards bankruptcy. After this, I feel discouraged and less motivated to keep earning as much money as possible because I have no control over how my earnings are used.

I've been asking around banks and PayPal to try to find a way to psy off my credit card balance without having to go through a regular bank account first.

I'm sorry that you're going through this, @MrsA.

Have you thought about opening a bank account that your abuser doesn't know about and/or have access to? Statements and notices can be delivered online via email, so there wouldn't be any mail being delivered to your house. Another option is an online bank that has no brick and mortar offices. I sincerely hope that this helps.

Yes. I am trying to to that. Waiting to hear back from a bank. The tricky thing is that I can't go out without them knowing (don't have my own car and they might abuse my dog if I make them mad before going out) so I have to do it online. And you usually have to transfer money to open an account. I'm trying to find a bank that will let me open an account online and use PayPal for the opening deposit.

I was feeling so optimistic when I started earning extra cash and then to have my first payment fall into my sister control immediately is very discouraging.

I was unfortunately on the receiving end of being financially abused (for those of you unfamiliar, it’s where the abuser does anything and everything to control your finances/money/income/spending in order to control you)—in addition she was a prolific spender with terrible credit and monthly/weekly/daily calls from credit card and collection agencies. But I’ve been out for two years, have rebuilt my credit and I live within my means (although, yes, I won’t do it but I’d love a splurgy beach vacation right about now!).

A question for you MrsA: I’m familiar with a lot of your posts in this forum so I know how very tightly you are bound to your abuser, and I apologize if I missed something, but can you not go to the bank, get a cashier’s check, and mail that to the credit card company? It would mean you’d need to go to the bank and you’d need a stamp. How possible is that?

@MrMoose thanks for sharing your experience. It's nice to know someome can relate.

It's hard for me to get out or have any privacy because I work at home and share a car with my sister. She will not like it if it looks like I opened an account to keep money out of her reach. To go to the bank, I would have to rely on her to keep an eye on my disabled dog who has another serious health condition and I simply don't feel safe doing so even when she is not angry.

I did manage to open an online account with Chime Bank. I feel better having found a way to achieve the first step of my goal. I am anxious about them sending a debit card in the mail which they always do when you sign up.

I earn only $5+ dollars a day doing small tasks online in addition to working full time for the family businesses, but the dollars add up fast enough to make my sister posessive of my side income. My goal is to pay it all to the credit card with the highest interest.

When my sister got angry that I wanted to pay my first $45 to the credit card, I demanded that she give up her tv subscriptions which cost us more and that seems to have made her back off a bit. Every time I mention money I earned for getting out of debt, she argues that we should use it to cover tv subscriptions. It's more and more obvious that our debt problem is due to her mental problems. I think knowing she is mentally ill has made it possible for me to get more control over financial decisions. I feel less guilty doing things without her consent and no longer live my life solely to avoid her anger.

Thanks for sympathizing and not judging. I do feel better today over my progress.

@MrsA I'm so glad that you managed to open an online account that she has no access to. Are you normally at home when the mail arrives? If not, can you have the card and any other written correspondence sent to your employer or a friend's house?

Unfortunately I don't really know anyone in the town I live in. I stopped socializing because my sister was so dirty that I'm afraid of people trying to come to our house. So I hardly spoke to anyone in the past 15 years unless it was absolutely unavoidable. I will have to check the mail more frequently.

Tonight, I am determined to make her clean up her mess. She insisted on using our nice bathtub to wash her dog and left it all dirty and full of hair. Her dog pooped in the bathtub and she tossed the poop into a wastebasket. The last time she did that, I spent days trying to figure out where the bad smell was coming from before realizing she left dog poop in the wastebasket. I'm going to make her clean up the mess from bathing her dog tonight no matter what it takes. Stupid selfish narcissist!