[Zedsdead]

I just dont understand why I dont deserve people in my life who love me.. and I attract the ones who are out to destroy me. Why me? I'm pretty. I'm clever. I'm kind to every single person in my path. Yet I have come to the conclusion that there must be something deeply wrong with me.
My mother hates me, I never met my father and he doesnt want to... and the only 2 men I have ever loved have systematically broken me down to nothing.
I am left with the aftermath. I try so damn hard. I uphold a home, a job and working through my undergraduate degree with 3 young children. Yet, I am unable to make friends. A relationship terrifies me yet I am so lonely and long for a companion so so terribly.

I had a date today. With a GREAT guy. I backed out last minute and ruined it. I froze with fear and broke down into tears when it was time to go.

I feel so terrible about it.. but so helpless. I hate to victimize myself and am usually so optimistic.
Not tonight.

[pegasus]

Nothing wrong with YOU. It's from what's happened to you.

[Zedsdead]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Nothing wrong with YOU. It's from what's happened to you.

Logically, I know it's not personally me that is unlikable. I just feel broken into pieces and I dont know how to start over. Il try again tomorrow. Thank you

[Open Eyes]

Have you seen a therapist about this challenge?

[Zedsdead]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Have you seen a therapist about this challenge?

I saw a free counselor for a while. It didnt really help much.. I have looked around but the cheapest I could find is 275 an hour! As a single parent, I don't know if i can swing that.
I was admitted to mental health counseling but I was already doing most of their recommendations.. clean eating, exercise, breathing etc.. and she said I was doing the best I could and that was okay.
I'm heavily medicated now too. Sigh.

[Open Eyes]

You backed out of the date because you don't feel you have enough skills to handle a relationship. This is much like a person who stands at the side of a pool afraid to jump in and "learn" the water isn't all that cold and once in the water they can learn how to swim and even enjoy being in the pool. You have not really seen a functional relationship, or experienced what having a father may be like.

It's a challenge for everyone to develop skills to navigate in the adult world. And yes, there are a lot of unhealthy people out there so it takes time to learn not to absorb their crap and realize that it's not so much you but how others lack healthy social skills and ability to respect.