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Veteran Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: US
Posts: 621
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#1
I've been having a lot of problems at home in the last week and my SO is back to drinking a lot. He says he's been in a lot of back and hip pain.
We go through this cycle I call the Crescendo of Doom. This cycle brought up some long forgotten feelings of distress. Long story, short, just over two years ago we went through a bad cycle in which he hit me in a drunken rage over my not doing enough chores around the house. Fortunately...if that can even be a word in such a situation...he was drunk and his aim was bad. Also, I have years of martial arts and know how to take and deflect a punch so I wasn't hurt. When he sobered up, he didn't even remember it and said, that if he did do it, he did it because I don't properly care for the house. We got through it via therapy but I don't think I'll ever forget it. |
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Bill3, Buffy01, Open Eyes, Yzen, zapatoes
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Buffy01
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: North America
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#2
Of course, drinking to stop physical pain is a bad idea. When sober, he probably feels the pain more intensely. There are better ways to deal with physical pain.
I'm so sorry you had that terrible experience with him in the past and he's drinking so much. I hope things get better for you. |
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ARaven0137, zapatoes
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ARaven0137
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#3
Unfortunately, people who drink alcohol as a way to handle either physical pain or emotional pain can develop habits of using the alcohol for self medicating. People can do and say some very "hurtful" things while they are under the influence. Also, individuals who use alcohol as an escape can begin to want to "deny" they have a problem, they say "I will cut back" etc but can still fall into drinking too much on a binge. They tend to develop a way of "deflecting" which is a clue they have a problem where if you call them out on something they choose to deflect and instead BLAME YOU for something. What your husband chose to do with you by saying you don't clean the house well enough, that's deflecting and turning the issue on you.
Individuals that develop drinking problems also tend to create drama too. They NEED the high and excitement, that rush of dopamine. They also tend to TAKE OVER A LOT too just like your husband TOOK OVER the conversation with you and blamed you. They tend to use the alcohol to self medicate for stress, what they DON'T realize is they start needing it during the day for the STRESS they experience. Then they find that without it they struggle with the stress and take it out on others. If they are secretly binging, they tend to have one foot out so they can get away from whatever is bothering them. Stress and feeling bad if they don't feel they OWN their environment in some way is typically what is bothering them. It's not unusual for them to decide to blame ALL OTHERS for THEIR challenges. Again, that is what your husband is actually doing with you. How convenient he doesn't seem to remember he was horrible towards you. Your husband has a drinking problem, it's time to consider walking away from him. Often the only way they FINALLY choose to do something is when they LOSE whatever is important to them. They often lose their job, lose their relationship and can damn near be homeless before they finally admit they have no control over the alcohol and finally have to get sober. And sometimes they don't too. I had a friend that drank herself to death and she was just turning 50 if I remember correctly. And by the way, you are not just being physically abused, you are also being emotionally abused as well. |
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ARaven0137, Bill3
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ARaven0137, Bill3
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
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#4
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ARaven0137, zapatoes
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ARaven0137
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Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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#5
You may have to give him an ultimatum. Rehab/detox and AA or separation.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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