Seeking reassurance to be a single mom

I’ve been married for a decade and have three littles. I have endured emotional and verbal abuse for all but a year I guess. I can’t remember honestly.
I am scared of the single mom life. I am confused too. My partner will blow up at me every month or once every 3 months. There is really no telling when he will have an issue with me.
He doesn’t help me very much whether I’m working or not. He is basically financial support at times with how little he feels he needs to do and if I mess up them it’s all on me.
Recently I lost a bank card and he lost his mind in front of our kids. He ripped my wallet out of my hands and said he had to verify it isn’t there because I’ve done dumb stuff in the past. He then asked me to take off my jacket to search my pockets and I said no. He flipped out. He told me my pride was preventing him from doing a simple and necessary task. I didn’t care. I said no and I asked him to stop yelling. He said I make him blow up. He continued to scream at me and tell me that I am emotional and I don’t use my brain. He says he is the logical one fixing my mistakes.
He never apologizes. I fell asleep on the couch and the next day I never got an apology. He just acted like nothing happened.
A couple of days later I asked him to help clean up our baby because I was making lunch. He said no because we had to come home early from a friends house because I forgot a change of clothes for the baby. He said “why the f*** would I help you when you didn’t prepare?”
Over the last three years it has gotten worse I have been called a *****, told that I have to do things like make dinner, screamed at in front of our kids, called a bad parent for trivial things, and he’s referred to our children and myself as f***ers or told me we are a pain in the *****. He has also threatened to take money from me for losing simple things and did take $20 from me for a simple item that any of us could’ve lost.

I am sad and hurt. We are also Christians, but this relationship has not helped me feel closer to God at all. I feel so unloved and hurt. In between big blow ups he says little things here & there that hurt. I’m not perfect but I make an effort not to call him names and I don’t yell unless he yells at me first but I’ve been trying to not do that as well. Please give me honest advice.

Thank you.

Hi Truth Hurts Warrior. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you are in an abusive relationship. No one should have to go through that.

Have you considered getting professional help from someone that specializes in helping people heal from abuse. This can give you a way to see if you and your children are safe remaining in this relationship, how you and your children can find ways to get the support you need, and help you heal in the long term from this abusive relationship.

These articles may be of interest
5 Steps To Escaping An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

How to Leave a Narcissist or Abuser

How to Heal After an Abusive Relationship
@CANDC

Hi Truth hurts warrior,

I am so, so very sorry that you are caught in such a distressing and heartbreaking situation. You deserve a life where you can be loved, respected and treasured.

I don't really have any better words than the words already offered to you by CANDC. So sorry that I am at a loss for ideas!

Sure hope you find safety, comfort and peace now and in your future! I wish you only good things! -- Yaowen

This is verbal abuse. The verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life (I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse); I am also a Christian. God didn't make us to be trampled on and abused. Abusers are full of rage and rarely change (unless they get long-term therapy). I suggest calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline. your first responsibility (i know you know this) is to protect your children; they have no power to stop the abuse. Is there anyone you could go and stay with for awhile? Verbal abuse also destroys your immune system. The abuse has nothing to do with who you are, and everything to do with his issues. Please don't wait any longer; he isn't going to stop abusing you.....and your children. Abusers always blame someone else for their behavior. You DO NOT make him "blow up"....He CHOOSES TO BEHAVE THAT WAY. Quite often, children who grow up in abusive homes, become abusive, or have relationships with abusers Again you can call the National Domestic Abuse hotline.; do that only when he isn't around.

I have had someone do horrible things to me yet turn around and act like they are so loyal and religious. That is not anything God does, instead it is a REAL SIN against God. So please, do not lose your faith just because someone else abuses it.

Hi hun, sorry you're in this, sorry he's this way. He sounds very abusive. I know I've had the exact same, my partner has headbutted a hole in a door because of me apparently. *SIGH*
It's not your fault babe, It's his. one question? does he masturbate or watch porn? can you find out? mine was a porn/sex addict. but they have the same traits and stuff as narcissists. they both are abusive, mainly for power or shame and guilt.
He was that guilty and shameful about it that he convinced me I was going crazy when I talked about it being a problem. He also blew up - like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
I suggest getting out if he looks like he's not going to admit he's the problem. They learn by the hardest way possible. and you sticking up for yourself and the kids once and for all and leaving, would shock him. leave him a letter explaining all what's wrong with him and how a partner is supposed to lift you up and help you out not bring you down and abuse you, making you feel crappy.
please feel free to msg me. xxx

Your husband blames you for his mistakes. He doesn't take any responsibility for his actions. He is trying to financially control you. He is abusive towards you. He is abusive towards his kids. What good will come out of continuing the situation you are in? Slowly, it will only damage you - mentally and physically. Not only will it damage you, it will severely damage your kids. What will they learn about love and marriage in this situation? That men can say abusive things and that's normal? That marriage involves walking constantly on egg shells? What will you do if any of your children were in similar marriage and their spouse were abusive?

The answer you'd give them is applicable to you too. People are abusive if they've been hurt themselves - but people will not change with status quo. Changing oneself is a long, arduous and painful process and people will never take a such a tough journey unless they are given a strong reason to. Whether your husband changes are not, in current scenario, that's immaterial. What matters is that this situation is not good for any of you - you or your children. As nicoleflynn suggested, call the domestic helpline. Or seek help from your family. But please get out of this situation. You would be a wonderful parent without your husband dragging you down and draining your energy and your kids will grow up where there's no abuse. Please consult a therapist if you can (may get through domestic violence helpline). They can help you take decisions.

Good luck/