[MrsA]

This is something I've been trying to figure out for years. When I was young, my parents required me to pretend to be happy all the time so no one would suspect what they were really like. They would literally bellow in my face to smile and look happy while their faces were beet red from yelling so hard at me. So I went around for years pretending nothing was wrong.

During college, my sister started screaming at me nearly every day and sometimes attacking me physically which she also did in high school but became more violent as an adult. I started getting sick a lot and well-meaning teachers made me go to the doctor, which made my sister yell at me all night for spending money on doctors visits and prescriptions.

Halfway through college, I started crying all the time and people probably thought I was crazy even though I got really good grades. So I find that letting people see that you have problems at home is not a great thing and it's often labeled as negativity. You can't let an abusive family become your identify. At the same time going around smiling and saying you're fine feels like a lie to protect your evil family. When someones says "How are you?" You can't respond "I'm really depressed because my sister yelled at me for an entire care ride."

And when I fantasize that my sister will die and I can finally have a peaceful life, I feel angry that people will pressure me to be sad and say all the usual things people say when they lose nice family members. I feel like everyone I know will be judging me and trying to force me to perpetuate the lie. That's probably thinking too far, but it does bother me.

Does anyone have advice or experience juggling what happens in your personal life and preserving a social image that isn't a lie or reveal that your home life is a mess?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MrsA

This is something I've been trying to figure out for years. When I was young, my parents required me to pretend to be happy all the time so no one would suspect what they were really like. They would literally bellow in my face to smile and look happy while their faces were beet red from yelling so hard at me. So I went around for years pretending nothing was wrong.

During college, my sister started screaming at me nearly every day and sometimes attacking me physically which she also did in high school but became more violent as an adult. I started getting sick a lot and well-meaning teachers made me go to the doctor, which made my sister yell at me all night for spending money on doctors visits and prescriptions.

Halfway through college, I started crying all the time and people probably thought I was crazy even though I got really good grades. So I find that letting people see that you have problems at home is not a great thing and it's often labeled as negativity. You can't let an abusive family become your identify. At the same time going around smiling and saying you're fine feels like a lie to protect your evil family. When someones says "How are you?" You can't respond "I'm really depressed because my sister yelled at me for an entire care ride."

And when I fantasize that my sister will die and I can finally have a peaceful life, I feel angry that people will pressure me to be sad and say all the usual things people say when they lose nice family members. I feel like everyone I know will be judging me and trying to force me to perpetuate the lie. That's probably thinking too far, but it does bother me.

Does anyone have advice or experience juggling what happens in your personal life and preserving a social image that isn't a lie or reveal that your home life is a mess?

I wish that I had some advice to give you. What you describe sound like my parents and siblings. My family is the reason why I don't friends because of the rumor they spread about me or their mentally and physically abusive attitude

[divine1966]

I don’t believe you need to share your home life with anyone you dont want to share it with, especially at work. It’s really no ones business

[Abusedbysister]

Thank you for your post. I can relate to your story. I grew up getting beaten up by my sister almost every day. She kicked me, punched me, slapped me and threatened me all the time. It was very humiliating as I was the older brother. I would go to school pretending everything was OK. I was also terrified to go home after school, especially if my parents were not home. People in school knew she could beat me up so they teased me a lot about it. I am still scared of her and she still bullies me and orders me around. I live in a different city now. Other than with my therapists and self help forums, I don’t share this with anyone.

[MrsA]

Originally Posted by Abusedbysister

Thank you for your post. I can relate to your story. I grew up getting beaten up by my sister almost every day. She kicked me, punched me, slapped me and threatened me all the time. It was very humiliating as I was the older brother. I would go to school pretending everything was OK. I was also terrified to go home after school, especially if my parents were not home. People in school knew she could beat me up so they teased me a lot about it. I am still scared of her and she still bullies me and orders me around. I live in a different city now. Other than with my therapists and self help forums, I don’t share this with anyone.

Thanks for sharing. I always feel as if I have something in common with you and I appreciate hearing that your experience. I've been standing up to her more as time goes by so she doesn't dare get physical anymore, but she is more toxic verbally dues to feeling her rights are violated by my setting boundaries. I guess I need to get myself in order and start acting normal and socializing.