How do I deal with the effects of emotional trauma?

So here's the short story:
As a kid my mum took out her frustrations on me physically, I had a set up in the top of our hot water cylinder where blankets were stored with food, drink, books and a torch. I'd disappear for hours and they never ever noticed.
I didn't really have friends as a kid, my mum taught at my school and was quite picky of who I hung out with and my sister spent a lot of time away from our house at her friends so I spent a lot of time alone as a kid.
My first ever relationship was when I was 15 and it was a but of a mess from the start I had depression and anxiety and probably wasn't ready for a relationship, I had zero self esteem and literally said yes to the guy over text (I had two friends with the same name) without even being 100% of who I said yes to because I just wanted to feel wanted.
We were together a total of 5 years with a gap of a year when I moved away for university, a week before we moved into the house we brought together I ended up calling the police after an incident in public 3 years after the first incident, he was charged and we went our separate ways. I moved on it took some time and I drank way too much and did stupid things. My next serious relationship was a whirlwind we were colleagues and became friends with benefits and then flatmates, then got into a relationship and within a year we were engaged. He cheated and lied the entirety of our relationship and I just drank and played the idiot. We took a break and despite him going around telling everyone we were fixing things he got a mutual friend of ours pregnant. During this time I realised I hadn't dealt with everything from my exes abuse and I crashed, had a mental breakdown ended up on anti depressants and quit drinking. During this time I met my son's dad, I should've seen it wasn't healthy he just wouldn't leave me alone, he walked me through recovering, he'd show up at my house at all times of the day and night. He was paranoid, obsessive, and we weren't even together. While I was on antidepressants I was a puppet someone said jump and I would and he had full control of me. Anyway we split last year, it had become insane. He had severe anger issues, I could say hi and he would explode, throw things, accuse me of things, he had an online relationship behind my back for months and was chatting up multiple other women as well after our son was born because I wasn't giving him enough attention and he was jealous of our baby. I literally picked him up off sidewalks when he had been out drinking with his buddies. My son now has anxiety about loud noises, people being stern, yelling, people debating or being aggressive. He still has contact with his dad and his dad's supposedly gotten help for his issues but I've had a year of him crying and blaming me for all his ****. It got to the point I thought the only way I could leave was if I killed myself, when we split he refused to move out for 3 months and it just got worse in that time. Anyway I'm in a new relationship actually I have been for almost a year, it was unexpected and he is amazing. The level of respect he shows me is insane, we haven't even had an argument, when he gets angry it's a very mild grumble and he just deals with it, he is so unlike anyone I have ever met and its thrown me how he treats me. But now I'm struggling, the thought of actually letting him into my life. We went on lockdown and he wanted to stay with us for 4 weeks and I totally freaked out. He wants to help me with my son, he wants to be a part of our lives. He wants to breach lockdown to visit me on my birthday so I won't be alone and the thought of it all is causing me so much anxiety. I talked to a counsellor and she said it's normal considering what I've been through but to shelve it while we are on lockdown and we will work on it once all this is over. But it's not going away and I can't just sit here with this bubbling and questioning whether I'll actually be able to have a real, proper relationship. I love him and it seems ridiculous that I'm freaking out, I should be happy but all this **** just won't go away. I just want a normal life what can I do?

Dear Broked,

I'm so sorry that you are suffering this stress. Wish I knew what to say that would help. I hope your counselor or others here on the Forums will have helpful words for you. I think your desire for a normal life is completely understandable. Sorry that I cannot think of anything practical to offer you in the way of advice.

Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen

Hello Broked: I believe this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

In your title, you asked how to deal with the effects of emotional trauma. So here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on that subject:

Recovering from Abuse: Collecting Pebbles

Healing from Emotional Abuse

How to Heal After an Abusive Relationship

6 Tips to Let Go of a Toxic Relationship and Heal Yourself

How to Heal (Hesitantly) From Narcissistic Abuse | Liberation after Narcissistic Abuse

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...-relationship/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I'm sorry about all the violence in your past and I am really glad that your current relationship seems to be so much better.

I can sort of understand your anxiety because I reacted to an abusive family by avoiding serious relationships my entire life. I'm ok with friends but if a guy gets too eager or isn't willing to be friends for a while before dating, I just shut him out. So I can understand how you are worried about letting your current partner in, especially because you have to put your son first.

I do think he should respect the advisory to stay apart because visiting could potentially infect you or your son. He might worry that staying away will look like he's not taking care of you, but it would actually prove that his concern is genuine. I hope you will let him know that you appreciate his good intentions and just spend a lot of time on the phone or video chat.

Right now, a lot of medical workers don't live with their families because they know that they can be infectious even when they don't seem sick at all, so staying away is the ultimate proof of love during this time. The CDC now says you can be infected by people who don't show symptoms and the news reported some false negatives on test results so there is no way to be 100% certain if a healthy-looking person is carrying the virus. As a single mom, you need to stay safe to look after your son and he should respect that.

You should also let him know that his persistence makes you anxious and his reaction might help you gauge how safe this relationship will be. Sorry if I said too much. I have to go now, so I'll just wish you good luck wth this relationship and stay safe.