Trigger warning ⚠️ RANT. Can’t cope today. Lonely. Isolated With abuser

My “recovering” addict bf is being a horrible person.
He’s making my life hell atm. I don’t know what to do because we’re stuck with each other. He’s ignoring me apart from for selfish reasons. He’s huffing and sighing which puts me on edge and he knows that. He just doesn’t listen or try and fix himself. He’s given up porn and masturbation but not the attitude that it’s my fault he went to porn and taking pics of other women without them knowing. Apparently because I wasn’t loving enough or giving him enough emotional support.
I can’t help getting in a mood every time I have a flashback or vision of you “having a poo” on the toilet. Every damn day. Or having found over 600-700 pics of so many different women on ur phone. And the memory cards full of porn. Duck my life. I’ve had enough. We’re so close to splitting up after 11yrs together. 10yrs of him lying and being a sex addict. He’s not even done 90 days yet. And expects me to get over it now.

Dear wheezyrose,

I am so very sorry you are suffering this ordeal. Wish I knew what to say that would help. I think your feelings are completely understandable. This situation must be so very, very difficult for you.

Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen

Thank you Yao Wen, for your words and kindness of replying. You make me feel less alone. X

I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, that discuss various aspects of being in a relationship with a narcissist plus a link to 1 article that discusses FAQ's for partners of sex addicts & 1 that talks about leaving a sex addict. Hopefully within these articles you may find some insights that will be of benefit:

What Are the Signs that You're in a Relationship with a Narcissist?

11 Signs You're the Victim of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic Abuse and the Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

5 Ways to Know If His Love is "Real" or Narcissistic-Illusion

FAQs for Partners of Sex Addicts

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex-a...ked-questions/

I guess for starters , stop believing everything is your fault. Addictive personalities are developed from childood/adolescence and/or lifestyle habits. I once read an article that a person is more likely to develop an addiction if they lacked specific vitamins and minerals. Sounds like hogwash, to connect the two together, but I believe there's some truth to it, somewhere.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I can imagine it adds additional slices to your already wounded self for every woman he looks at. Truth is, the problem is not yours and no matter how attractive and sexy (and giving) you are, it will never be enough. That's his problem.. don't underestimate yourself at all.

The coronavirus has many people's lives on hold. Maybe you can't physically do anything about this right now but what you can do is develop a plan. What's your next course of action? How can you address your obstacles? What time frame can you give yourself to make things happen?

It's ok to be afraid about the unknowns. It's ok to panic. Life is all about taking risks and moving forward. Make this coronavirus the excuse to reevaluate your life, your future, and what it is you really want. My hunch is, this isn't it.

You DESERVE better and you're ENTITLED to better. If this has been going on for over a decade, there's a high risk it.will.never.stop. The only hope you have is to make changes for yourself. Reinvent who YOU are as an individual. Rebuild your self-esteem, your sense of self worth, and attitude. Don't allow him to sink you with him. Misery ALWAYS wants company.

Tough times. Pick up that pencil, tablet, or cell and start planning. You are not alone!

I fear this will sound "flippant" but it isn't. You do not have to be "stuck with each other". Honestly, I think you may very well need to break it off and move to another place if you want to move in a healthy direction. And it will take all you have to do that. It sounds like one of those "the devil you know..." situations and, perhaps, being pulled back into a world that you grew up in, were traumatized by but tied so closely to that the absence of abuse feels almost unbearable (eg: if you get away, you will start to think of "the good" or "the fixable" or that it is really about YOU as a person, it isn't and it is a long hard road to self esteem, self respect and real friendship)
As humans we make decisions first on emotion and then look for "reasons".
If you don't have a therapist (or peer support group) please look for one that specializes in trauma. (and check out some of the articles and resources here at PC) There really is more to life and you deserve to enjoy.

I’ve read more about sex addiction and neglect and abuse.
Found my mum emotionally neglected me in every way really.
If I moved (which I can’t afford to do realistically, but would love to) I’d cut myself off from everyone as I also can’t drive. Which is another annoyance of mine as I was told by my mum dad and bro that they would buy my provisional for my bday two yrs ago. I got it this year after they had the form and everything all right this time.
Just do my mum could get hers first... do a few lessons as well. Only after I told her my fella let me drive the courtesy car and I did really well. Even in high heels.
She always has to talk about herself and then one up me on everything I tell her I’ve done. Like the garden... oh we’ve done a ton past 3/4 days. Arguments along the way. She has to come drop off Easter eggs for us and gets my son more than I have got him.
But she’s still done more in her garden than we have. And has had bigger problems with stuff than ours.
She’s just so selfish.
As is my fella. Im in the bath and he asks me to open a window. In a storm... btw. He’s been ****ing about all day and moaning and sighing at me when I want to do something or not do something and chill or have a new idea about how to organise the garden.
I’m fed up of the sighing. He knows I am. I’m beginning to this he’s a narcissist but I don’t know what’s the difference with that and an addict We know he is.
I don’t know what to do.
I want a happy relationship but I can’t have porn in my life anymore. The mention of porn is just a trigger for me. Or addict. Bathroom window. Ffs. I’m fed up of being stuck in this phase of betrayal trauma. I just want to move on from this but he keeps saying the wrong stuff. And he’s emotionally neglecting me and my son. I just want him to grow up. And not be an addict. But I don’t know If I can not hate him for it for the rest of our lives. If we stay together.

I’m not sure how I’d get organised around him not being here, we were filling for him to be my carer. I fear we are codependent like he says we are.

Please don't think you are stuck with him and have to live this way forever. When the virus has blown over, you can get away and make a life for yourself. You don't need someone like that in your life. He will try to make you think that you can't live without him, but that is not true.

Yeah I read them all. I’ve read more than them. And then some. I’ve gone through the discovery period. And the 2nd stage. I’m in shock and hurt and betrayed and in so much pain. I just want him out of my house. But I know if I do he’ll relapse. Or I’m scared he will. I’m scared he’ll go do something he’ll regret I know he’s not my responsibility. But I didn’t tell the right people the first time about either of my rapists and they’re still walking the streets and I can’t bare to live with myself he if goes on to do something.
My therapist said I need to decide if I want to be with him, how I picture my life in the future.
I’m hopeless atm. I’m thinking I’d just concentrate on my son and wallow in my depression alone forever. Because I’m just an abuser magnet.
All I’m good for. So may as well just give in and be alone. I have my vibrators lol.
And my sense of humour... be it dark. Oh well.
Just be alone, even if he won’t leave. Or I can’t get out I’ll just be alone in my head.