[NewDaysAreDawning]

I truly have no idea where I should begin this...I am a 39 year old woman that has been married to an emotionally/mentally abusive addict for the past 10 years of my life. I have chronic physical and mental health issues that have prevented me from working for the past 5 years or so and I don't receive disability payments (working on it, though). I've been wanting out of my marriage for years, but I'm stuck. The only place I could possibly go would be to my mom's house and although our relationship has improved over the last couple of years, she's a lot like my husband when it comes to how she treats me. While she's not an addict, I still feel like I'd be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. I'd also lose my art studio, which is a 12' × 16' finished wooden storage shed that I purchased (financed) a few years ago (my credit was pretty decent at the time). At the time, I thought it was the answer to taking my life back, but shortly after both my physical and mental health rapidly declined and I've yet to do any of the creating I dreamed of doing. On top of the health issues I had already been struggling with for years, I also began losing all of my teeth (stemming from a combination of genetics, health issues and medications, and lack of self care throughout the worst years of my marriage/life in general). After my maternal grandmother (who had been my best friend my entire life) passed away from dementia complications a few years ago, I promised myself that I would get out of my situation and make a better life for myself no matter what it took, by the time I was 40 (which is right around the corner now). Last year I started prioritizing my health; I began seeing a new primary care doctor regularly to try and get answers to my plaguing health issues and I also went to several appointments at a dental school. During the 8+/- months I was going to the pc doctor, I only saw the actual doctor for a total of 20 minutes (at the very most). At my very last appointment, the doctor chalked my health issues up to being depression related (this was absolute b.s.) and I walked out of there extremely discouraged. I had a strong feeling going in that I wouldn't get the answers I needed because it's basically a "chain" medical center (my grandmother was a patient at this same medical center when she was alive so I already knew what they were like), but I couldn't find another doctor in my area that accepted my state provided insurance so it was my only option. My dental nightmare also hasn't changed, despite several visits at the dental school. At my 2nd to last visit with them, they promised they'd find funding for my implant surgery, but at my last appointment with them they told me that they couldn't make it happen. This was my second attempt at resolving my dental nightmare because I had previously planned to finance my surgery since my credit was good enough. Then my husband stopped paying the credit card bills so my credit score was quickly destroyed. I was in the process of finding a new doctor right before this world crisis began and now everything is at a complete stand still, once again and I feel completely hopeless. There is so much more I want to say, but being new to forums like this, this is what I'm comfortable with posting (for the time being, anyways). Any insight into my situation would be deeply appreciated 💛.

[sarahsweets]

You say he is an addict, what is he addicted to?

[MsLady]

I would definitely start off with applying for disability. Whatever appointment you need can be done via video chat if you're in lockdown mode.

Once you have your disability income, find a place to live. Maybe start off staying at a Transition Home as they may be able to prioritize you for housing for people with disabilities.

Apply for low income housing. It'll take a while to get into a place but now is a good time to put your name on lists, somewhere.

Do you receive an allowance from your husband? If so, start stashing some of it away.

At some point, later on...

Contact your bank and see if they can help you rebuild your credit. Do you still have active credit cards under your name?

I don't know what to suggest about your teeth. Have you thought about GoFundMe website? There are many kind people out there who may be willing to help you pay for dental work.

Keep looking for a new doctor. Don't give up! You're health is important.

Lastly, find something to lift your spirits. You are undoubtedly going through a lot and I know it can totally cripple us when being burdened with a heavy load. Make a list of things you can do for "you" .. like daily bubble baths, adult colouring books, a walk around the neighborhood, special tea.. step back into your shed and relive a possibility.. anything to keep your mind positive.

Do you have any close friends?