[jkray]

How can I deal with the fear I’m experiencing from narcissistic abuse? I’m currently stuck in a situation that I don’t yet feel comfortable leaving. I haven’t put up any boundaries with my abuser because I’m afraid of the consequences. Their approach is covert and now that I realize what’s happening, I’ve been doing as much self-care as I can to try to counteract the impact on me. I guess it’s kind of working, depending on the day.

I’d really like to provide all the details here, but I’m honestly worried that somehow my abuser will track me down here (unfortunately, they know I have a history of narcissistic abuse). So if they find out and suspect I think they are narcissistic, I’m afraid they’ll launch into an overt devalue and discard phase. And smear me in such a way that could destroy my future plans, affecting my family members, too. I expect that’s eventually what would happen if I didn’t leave, but I’m just biding my time temporarily until the timing of my escape is just right and I can go No Contact.

I trust my plan will work, but I worry I’m letting fear have too tight a hold on me right now and maybe I will allow fear of other people’s disapproval (whether they are narcissistic or not) to limit my life for years to come. What can I do to deal with and/or fight this fear while still in the fog of abuse without tipping off my abuser? Or is there anyone who relates to this or who made it to the other side of a similar situation? Any ideas appreciated

[Armadillo Roll]

I may not have helpful advice considering i'm in a similar situation but i just want you to know i understand what you're going through. I also self care through daydreaming although i know that's not a healthy way to deal with reality but it's all i got. i know there's tons of self care tips out there so it wouldn't help to look.

[jkray]

Thanks, @Armadillo Roll! It helps to know others can relate to this experience. And I’ve always been a daydreamer, too.

For self care I’ve been trying journaling, some art therapy, and a little meditation. I also started reading a book that’s been helping called The Tao of Pooh as an introduction to Taoism. All of these things do help distract me temporarily from everything going on. But the fear just creeps up on me again even on good days with lots of self care. There are times I wish I could just flip a switch and turn my brain off or something.

[ShaneG]

Originally Posted by Armadillo Roll

I may not have helpful advice considering i'm in a similar situation but i just want you to know i understand what you're going through. I also self care through daydreaming although i know that's not a healthy way to deal with reality but it's all i got. i know there's tons of self care tips out there so it wouldn't help to look.

Hi, hope this message finds you well and in good spirits, you sound a little like me, this helps you with the daydreaming or meditaion.

Enjoy.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by jkray

How can I deal with the fear I’m experiencing from narcissistic abuse? I’m currently stuck in a situation that I don’t yet feel comfortable leaving. I haven’t put up any boundaries with my abuser because I’m afraid of the consequences. Their approach is covert and now that I realize what’s happening, I’ve been doing as much self-care as I can to try to counteract the impact on me. I guess it’s kind of working, depending on the day.

I’d really like to provide all the details here, but I’m honestly worried that somehow my abuser will track me down here (unfortunately, they know I have a history of narcissistic abuse). So if they find out and suspect I think they are narcissistic, I’m afraid they’ll launch into an overt devalue and discard phase. And smear me in such a way that could destroy my future plans, affecting my family members, too. I expect that’s eventually what would happen if I didn’t leave, but I’m just biding my time temporarily until the timing of my escape is just right and I can go No Contact.

I trust my plan will work, but I worry I’m letting fear have too tight a hold on me right now and maybe I will allow fear of other people’s disapproval (whether they are narcissistic or not) to limit my life for years to come. What can I do to deal with and/or fight this fear while still in the fog of abuse without tipping off my abuser? Or is there anyone who relates to this or who made it to the other side of a similar situation? Any ideas appreciated

Wow! I applaud you for coming forth and telling your story. That took a lot of courage. I would encourage you to write as if the disordered person in your life could read this. That will keep you safe. The internet is not private.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by jkray

Thanks, @Armadillo Roll! It helps to know others can relate to this experience. And I’ve always been a daydreamer, too.

For self care I’ve been trying journaling, some art therapy, and a little meditation. I also started reading a book that’s been helping called The Tao of Pooh as an introduction to Taoism. All of these things do help distract me temporarily from everything going on. But the fear just creeps up on me again even on good days with lots of self care. There are times I wish I could just flip a switch and turn my brain off or something.

I wish I had that choice when I was a minor living at home. I had no coping skills. I didn’t know how to lay low. I’d provoke my abuser , and I do write as if she could read what I’m saying, she taught me that.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by jkray

Thanks, @Armadillo Roll! It helps to know others can relate to this experience. And I’ve always been a daydreamer, too.

For self care I’ve been trying journaling, some art therapy, and a little meditation. I also started reading a book that’s been helping called The Tao of Pooh as an introduction to Taoism. All of these things do help distract me temporarily from everything going on. But the fear just creeps up on me again even on good days with lots of self care. There are times I wish I could just flip a switch and turn my brain off or something.

I can relate. I have this book (I must try reading it again)

[RoxanneToto]

Originally Posted by jkray

But the fear just creeps up on me again even on good days with lots of self care. There are times I wish I could just flip a switch and turn my brain off or something.

I can relate to this - although my dad was the main narcissist in my life, I think my own fears stem more from random narc type strangers I’ve met who decided to target me, because I didn’t know how to push back effectively (if there even is a way?). So sorry you’re experiencing this, it’s just horrible.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by jkray

How can I deal with the fear I’m experiencing from narcissistic abuse? I’m currently stuck in a situation that I don’t yet feel comfortable leaving. I haven’t put up any boundaries with my abuser because I’m afraid of the consequences. Their approach is covert and now that I realize what’s happening, I’ve been doing as much self-care as I can to try to counteract the impact on me. I guess it’s kind of working, depending on the day.

I’d really like to provide all the details here, but I’m honestly worried that somehow my abuser will track me down here (unfortunately, they know I have a history of narcissistic abuse). So if they find out and suspect I think they are narcissistic, I’m afraid they’ll launch into an overt devalue and discard phase. And smear me in such a way that could destroy my future plans, affecting my family members, too. I expect that’s eventually what would happen if I didn’t leave, but I’m just biding my time temporarily until the timing of my escape is just right and I can go No Contact.

I trust my plan will work, but I worry I’m letting fear have too tight a hold on me right now and maybe I will allow fear of other people’s disapproval (whether they are narcissistic or not) to limit my life for years to come. What can I do to deal with and/or fight this fear while still in the fog of abuse without tipping off my abuser? Or is there anyone who relates to this or who made it to the other side of a similar situation? Any ideas appreciated

I believe you. I have been smeared myself. My own family did this to me. Have you look for positive quotes just to help you get through the day?