[Marylin]

I had 35 years of abuse off of my sister,she even tried to kill me,she kept abusing me verbally,emotionally,psychologically and mentally so I kept breaking down suicidal and would end up in hospital.She hoped several times over the years to cause me to commit suicide.

So in 2014 I cut her out of my life and I didn't talk to her for 4 years but she still tried to get to me by letting herself into my house with spare keys she had so I had to innstall CCTV.

Then my elderly and infirm mother got ill so my sister and I had to text to coordinate mother's care and so since 2018 my sister and I communicate by text.My mother went into a care home October 2019 and the need to text sis was no longer there but she persuaded me to put the past behind us and continue to text and be on friendly terms.

So we continued to text and this year we even exchanged xmas presents.

The thing is we only ever talk of a day if I text her first otherwise she doesn't bother to text to see how I am.Also I have these dreams quite frequently in which we fall out because she does something nasty to sabotage my home or my life or she deliberately tries to kill me in the dream and I think that is my subconscious warning me not to trust her that she is still a danger to me and my safety and my life.

What do you guys think should I put more distance between us and not text my sister every day and just go slowly no contact or less contact?It doesn't help I am with mental health illness and don't have much support from anyone but it scares me if I am depending on my sister for support because she has the track records of severely violent abuse of me so quite rightly the dream is telling me it's wrong to trust her like I am doing.Should I even talk to her?

[karl7]

personally i would keep up the texting......give her another chance.

[Marylin]

I continue to text my sister.She can't hurt me cos we don't meet up,she can't coercively control me again so I'll give her the chance to be on good terms.If she hurts me again I can always go no contact again.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Sorry to hear that, Marylin Maybe write a Post-It-Note, and put it somewhere that means you'll see it every day, clearly reminding yourself to drop her at the first sign.

[Abusedbysister]

Hi Marlyn, if texting her still triggers the memories of abuse, don’t text her. If she starts to control you, stop the contact. I was abused by my sister and she sent me to hospital twice growing up and was proud it. I am keeping away from her as she still wants to control me.

[Marylin]

Its not triggering me to text her and she's not being abusive anymore by text most;y because texting is in writing which stays on my phone as a record of what she has said.But keeping in touch with her is triggering bad dreams of past abuse and her trying to kill me.One dream she stabs me with a knife,another she pushes me off a cliff another she sets fire to my house with me inside another she tries to drown me in the bath but this is because in real life she tried to make me commit suicide many times.If she hated me so much she wanted me dead can that have changed ?Does she really love me now?I don't know.I don't think so but she is being kind and supportive.It's confusing me.I don't know?

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

It seems as though a family therapist should moderate, this, really. I mean, after so many horrible things have happened. Especially if you're still having nightmares.

[Marylin]

No such thing in my area as a family therapist and I'm 100% sure my sister wouldn't cooperate with that.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Yes, I know the feeling (about struggling to find local - or any - professional help). I had a feeling you'd say that she wouldn't be up for it.

That's a tricky situation, indeed. I feel concerned for your safety, to be honest

If someone has changed, they can usually point to the process by which it happened, and would (I'd expect) be keen to tell the people they've hurt the details.