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lonelyandconfused31
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Member Since: Jan 2021
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Default Jan 28, 2021 at 09:35 AM
  #1
Hey all,

New to the forum here and just am having a really hard time with things in my life right now and needed to find a place to vent and seek support. A little about me, i am 31, married for 5 years (together 8), and have 1 child.

Throughout the course of our relationship, we both have made mistakes. I am not absolving myself from anything, as i have made my fair share. I am currently seeing a therapist and recently got put on depression meds to help me improve as a person. Typically these mistakes would result in a argument and we would move on. Recently some things have transpired that raised alarms in my family that caused me to step back and evaluate the situation. Without getting into TMI, basically we had a fight over something that happened and that resulted in my wife leaving.

During the past 3 weeks since shes been gone:

- She reached out to my family and told them everything going on and said that they need to be there for me. When my family reached out to me, she would get mad at me and say i shouldnt talk to anyone and i need to be alone; "shes the victim"; "noone cares or loves me", "theyll all go away when im single".
- She posted on facebook she was single for all my family to see. When relatives would reach out to me, she blamed everyone knowing on my family and siad "they were proud". She then blackmailed me into sending my family messages telling them to stop or she would tell the whole world about me?
-Has told me to harm myself or hope i die
-Told me i should never be able to sleep or eat because i did this and everything is my fault.
-When i drive 60 hours in a week to see her, she says that doesnt show i care.
-Nothing i do is good enough.
- she stopped eating and drinking and went to the ER. Told me its my fault shes sick.
- Shes perfect and all her exes were better than me.
- Tried to harm herself and has hit me.
-Using divorce papers as a tool to get me to come back begging to her because "thats what a real man would do" (after i drive 60 hours to see her).

This is just a snippet of few weeks worth of 8 years.

Basically, my family and therapists know everything and they both agree that she has some mental health issues ongoing. Therapists have stated she is a borderline personality, narcissist, etc. She refuses to seek help.

My problem is even after all shes done, all the emotional abuse, gaslighting, and cycle of pulling me back in; i still feel the need to talk to her.

She's separated me from my family and made me solely reliant on her over the 8 years. Theres so much more detail that im leaving out for the sake of the length of this post.

Why cant i let her go when everyone around me knows how bad this is for me? Why do i crave her attention? Why i do still need her validation? My head knows i dont need her, but i constantly find myself checking my phone, typing a message to delete it, or wondering what shes doing.

I feel like im losing my mind. Any advice would be appreciated.

Last edited by CANDC; Jan 28, 2021 at 09:57 AM.. Reason: Remiove references to methods of harming
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Default Jan 28, 2021 at 04:20 PM
  #2
I am sorry you are going through it.Please Google trauma bonding. You may find some answers there.Hugs.
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Default Jan 31, 2021 at 07:09 PM
  #3
I'm sorry you're going through this, lonelyandconfused31. I just want to welcome you to the forums. I agree with Mendingmysoul that you may find some answers if you google trauma bonding.

We are here to offer support

Hugs to you

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