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Member Since Feb 2021
Location: WI
Posts: 2
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#1
Hi,
I am here as a concerned friend and someone that would love to be in a relationship with this survivor. I have previously helped my little sister leave an abusive relationship. So I have done quite a bit of reading on this subject. Now I find myself trying to help a female friend that was in a similar situation. Although her relationship was longer. So more trauma over a longer period of time than my sister experienced. I’ve once again been reading up on this subject and can’t help but notice the person who I am trying to help shows some signs of psychopaths/sociopaths at times. So my question is in the title. Is it common for people who have been traumatized for a decade to pick up some of the traits of their abusers? Let me know if you need more details. |
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Member Since Jul 2020
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#2
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It's part of the PTSD that is caused by being triangulated whilst being treated in a degrading or abusive manner, you read about it in rape cases. Have you thought about both attending a professional psychologist session together? THX for posting this its a very good point being made. |
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RoxanneToto
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New Member
Member Since Feb 2021
Location: WI
Posts: 2
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#3
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Anyways, all of this I think puts me in a unique position to help this person I care for recover from a similar but also different situation. And I do think I have helped a bit, but there have been setbacks. I just want her to be well. At times I think she welcomes my help and others I think she is embarrassed to ask for it. So I try and just let her know I am always there if needed. It breaks my heart. I want to be more open with her, but I also don’t want to scare her off. If that makes any sense. |
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RoxanneToto, ShaneG
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ShaneG
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catches the flowers
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#4
I'm a survivor of long-time abuse by multiple abusers. I do not have sociopathy, nor do I have psychopathy. Far from it. I tend to allow people to use me and walk all over me, which I'm trying in therapy to learn not to do. Most survivors of long-term abuse tend to act in, not act out. In my experience, anyway.
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Abusedbysister, Open Eyes
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RoxanneToto
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
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#5
The fact you are asking that question means to me you shouldn’t be helping your friend. I would encourage you to educate yourself about codependency.
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RoxanneToto
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#6
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Remember there are many days in the week so why settle upon just one. |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2019
Location: Nevada
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#7
It depends on the individual. I grew up in an abusive family and my parents and violent older sibling labeled me a psychopath to justify their bad tempers and violent actions. So I would be careful labeling a survivor with psychopathic traits because they were probably told at some point that they were bad or evil. But it is possible that some abuse victims already had the tendencies or developed it from the experience.
Another thing is that extreme experiences can make people express themselves in ways that shock "normal" people. Because I've dealt with real violence and a pedophile since I was 6 years old (and I'm pretty sure my big sister would have successfully murdered me 3-4 times if I had been a little slower or more unlucky), I am really realistic can be a bit blunt and impatient with people who act squeamish when talking about sex or violence and that can make some people say I'm crazy or psychopathic. It is possible that some people develop dangerous mental health issues from abuse. So tread carefully and don't put any obvious labels or appear judgemental when you deal with this person. Something that always offends me is when people who try to intervene claim to understand my feelings or situation better than I do (like insisting I have repressed feelings for a parent I couldn't care less about), so its best to assume you know nothing when you talk to them and proceed by acknowledging what they say about themselves. I hope this is useful. Good luck. |
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RoxanneToto
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#8
The abuser triggers the fight/flight response in the victim. Eventually the lines can blur between the two.
I’m not sure about showing signs of psycho and sociopathology. Personally, I’ve been doing lots of fighting/flighting but not negative behavior to any of those degrees. If you had met this person and was thinking about pursuing them for a relationship, and you saw they exhibit these traits, would you still be interested in pursuing? You need to self protect what you allow yourself to be subjected to in relationships, IMHO. The best way you can help as a friend is to encourage them to get professional help. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2021
Location: Silver City
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#9
I confess. Yes! Mainly now I would have made a great dominetrix. I'm pretty jaded towards men and tend to have sadistic tendencies. Don't get me wrong. It's too late to act out in this lifetime. Maybe the next one. Great topic of conversation. Thanks for asking! Hugs...
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Earth
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#10
Can you explain what specific behaviours she's exhibiting?
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Wisest Elder Ever
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#11
Thanks for this well put post. I'm wondering if you could elaborate re any of her behaviours.
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