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Old 05-20-2021, 01:56 PM   #1
AimeeTapatalk
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Default Does it ever get better

Iíve suffered so much abuse and neglect during childhood. I have flashbacks every day and feel emotional constantly, it gets so overwhelming. I am trying to find hope but I donít know if I can anymore. I just want to know from someone who has been through the same thing that itís possible to live a normal life one day. If not I want to know so I can end the pain Iím feeling every day and finally have some peace.

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Old 05-20-2021, 09:48 PM   #2
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Default Re: Does it ever get better

Sorry you are struggling so badly right now. You can gain on this challenge. It does take time and patience. Are you seeing a trauma therapist?
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Old 05-21-2021, 12:44 AM   #3
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Default Re: Does it ever get better

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Sorry you are struggling so badly right now. You can gain on this challenge. It does take time and patience. Are you seeing a trauma therapist?

Iím seeing a private therapist because the waiting list is too long on the nhs but itís so expensive I can only do 2 sessions a month. We talk about the trauma but I donít know if sheís a trauma therapist.

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Old 05-28-2021, 06:10 PM   #4
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Default Re: Does it ever get better

I am so sorry you are finding it really difficult. I am not sure that I have any answers, only that I am right there with you, and it sucks, and I wish things would be better for you. I do however have hope. I have been in private counselling for 5 years now, and I am glad you are private too because I don't think the NHS is very well equipped to deal with complex trauma. It is more of an 'in and out' service with quick turnarounds and very surface level help (or at least that's my opinion). At least with private you dictate what you need. The fact that you recognise the abuse and neglect is an enormous start! It took me three years to get to that point, so you are well on our way to recovery I would say. Now I have accepted it I am at the same stage as you, daily triggers and memories. The more I work on it the worse it gets, which leads me to question why I am doing this, but I have seen first hand that through therapy the seemingly impossible can become possible. (I am now divorced and in a happy relationship after NEVER EVER thinking I would be able to leave my ex husband) So from that experience comes hope, and I hope that I can pass some of that on to you.

I don't know your situation, or your struggles, so can't really help much more than to wish you well, I don't think. Take care of yourself. Big hugs if you want them.
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Old 05-31-2021, 10:37 PM   #5
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Default Re: Does it ever get better

I am so sorry dear.I can relate.The pain is real.Take baby steps towards healing.You will feel better.I constantly ruminate about the past.Some days are better, some are worse .Childhood abuse does enormous damage to our psyche. We are left with a difficult task that is to figure out how to heal from it.You can do it.Hugs.
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Old 06-01-2021, 01:41 PM   #6
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Dear AimeeTapatalk,

It's a slow process, one step at a time, but doable!! If you can, please do write a diary. I found this very helpful. Writing gives you perspective and clears your mind and a great way to find a tank for bottled up feelings. I even read somewhere that re-imagining or writing or enacting an alternate scenario is a great way to find some healing. And ofcourse, ppl here are very friendly and helpful. Good luck!
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Old 06-04-2021, 06:11 PM   #7
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My personal experience is that when my present life is going well and I think I might have a decent future, past events bother me less. But when things are bad, I think that if I survived my childhood only to live in horrible conditions, I wish I had died before making all that effort to improve my life. I often think of the time my sister shoved me downstairs from the second floor to the first floor of our apartment building and thought it might have been better if I had died back then.

The reason for this is because my current problems are caused by a sister that I failed to sever ties with, so when they do bad things I see the root of the problem in things my parents did to turn my older sibling into a violent narcissist. So your issue may affect you differently depending on how you see your present being connected to yoiur past.

With memories about getting hit or nearly killed by members of my family, I am less upset than I used to be. The verbal abuse actually gets to me more than the physical and sometimes memories from 30+ years ago will really make me angry about them putting derogatory labels on me or blaming me for things they did themselves.

My life is at an extremely low point so I don't have conviction that it gets better for everyone. But you sound quite young so maybe if you make better decisions than I did, you can get a better life and you can think of your past as an unpleasnt landscape you had to cross to get to where you need to be. My fatal mistake was not going no contact with my entire family. So if you have similar family issues, your best chance is to get out if you can and don't let them near anything in your life.
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Old 06-08-2021, 01:36 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsA View Post
My personal experience is that when my present life is going well and I think I might have a decent future, past events bother me less. But when things are bad, I think that if I survived my childhood only to live in horrible conditions, I wish I had died before making all that effort to improve my life. I often think of the time my sister shoved me downstairs from the second floor to the first floor of our apartment building and thought it might have been better if I had died back then.

The reason for this is because my current problems are caused by a sister that I failed to sever ties with, so when they do bad things I see the root of the problem in things my parents did to turn my older sibling into a violent narcissist. So your issue may affect you differently depending on how you see your present being connected to yoiur past.

With memories about getting hit or nearly killed by members of my family, I am less upset than I used to be. The verbal abuse actually gets to me more than the physical and sometimes memories from 30+ years ago will really make me angry about them putting derogatory labels on me or blaming me for things they did themselves.

My life is at an extremely low point so I don't have conviction that it gets better for everyone. But you sound quite young so maybe if you make better decisions than I did, you can get a better life and you can think of your past as an unpleasnt landscape you had to cross to get to where you need to be. My fatal mistake was not going no contact with my entire family. So if you have similar family issues, your best chance is to get out if you can and don't let them near anything in your life.

Thank you I am so sorry to hear about your abuse and low mood I hope it gets easier for you one day, for both of us. Itís a shame the good people are the ones who have to suffer in these situations. Thatís what pushes me forward, the thought of ensuring I live a nicer life than the abusers ever will.

It helps to know Iím not alone, but also itís sad knowing others go through this horrible feeling too. I do think I need to cut family off but Iím emotionally manipulated by my mother if I try to cut her out she has no one else and slips into depression so I donít know what to do anymore. Maybe one day Iíll get the courage to take that step.

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Old 06-09-2021, 11:24 PM   #9
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Default Re: Does it ever get better

I know what what you mean because it makes me feel better when someone else has gone through the same bad experiences as I did. And it's hard to cut family off when you feel sorry for them. For several years, I became a magnet for narcissistic men because I felt sorry for people who exhibited similar traits as my stepfather (then I realized what was happening and ruthlessly iced them out).

I feel really bad for my biological father that I cut off years ago, but that situation was simpler than yours because he didn't raise me. He was just extremely possessive and says really nasty things to try to get his way.

I also cut off my stepfather and I don't feel bad about that one because he was a violent pervert. Not ending things with my sister was my one mistake because our parents isolated us so much that we used to be close and I couldn't sever ties even after they turned her into a really bad person.

Even now I feel sorry for my biological father because he is lonely and cannot maintain relationships, so I sort of understand why you can't cut off your mom 100%. Just be really careful and keep your money and financial information where she can't get it. Money is how pathological families usually control you and limit your options. If you have financial freedom, you can deal with your mom knowing she has mental problems but still have choices regarding your own life.

From the way you write, you seem like you could do quite well. I wish you luck.
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Old 06-10-2021, 01:18 AM   #10
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Default Re: Does it ever get better

Thank you so much youíre completely right about the money I am only starting to get financial freedom now because I would be made to feel bad about saving or spending my money if she needed some for bills but I think if I can keep my finances separate and set some boundaries it will be manageable but if it becomes unmanageable despite that I will have to cut off. Sorry to hear about your position, I hope things get easier for you thank you for the advice and for sharing.

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