[jai-jai]

I keep having nightmares, where I am a child, and I'm being yelled at by my mother I am screaming and crying back at her. I've got a burning handprint shape on my legs, where she smacked me and I'm taken out into the garage (detached from house) and locked in there.

I wake up out of this nightmare and realise this actually happened.
I was talking about this with a friend and they said to me, that this was abuse, without a doubt.

I don't know how I feel about it, if it is, I don't believe that it was, because I justify it as I was a troubled kid, hard to manage. But now I realise that my mother had serious anger issues and that this wasn't acceptable behaviour.

[Quietmind 2]

No child deserves abuse, no matter how "troubled" or "difficult". Children internalise abusive messages because of an unconscious need to maintain attachment to the abusive caregiver. Abusive people blame the child, usually like "if you aren't so difficult, I wouldn't have to punish you."

From one survivor to another, I recommend Beverly Engel's book "it wasn't your fault". She's a therapist treating abuse and a survivor herself.

If you're working with a therapist or looking for one, or just want to know what abuse healing can be like, Gretchen L. Schmelzer's book "Journey Through Trauma: A Trail Guide to the 5-Phase Cycle of Healing Repeated Trauma" can be very encouraging and validating.

Another very helpful and informative book is "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker.

Wishing you healing.

[Fuzzybear]

[jai-jai]

Originally Posted by Quietmind 2

No child deserves abuse, no matter how "troubled" or "difficult". Children internalise abusive messages because of an unconscious need to maintain attachment to the abusive caregiver. Abusive people blame the child, usually like "if you aren't so difficult, I wouldn't have to punish you."

From one survivor to another, I recommend Beverly Engel's book "it wasn't your fault". She's a therapist treating abuse and a survivor herself.

If you're working with a therapist or looking for one, or just want to know what abuse healing can be like, Gretchen L. Schmelzer's book "Journey Through Trauma: A Trail Guide to the 5-Phase Cycle of Healing Repeated Trauma" can be very encouraging and validating.

Another very helpful and informative book is "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker.

Wishing you healing.

Thank you very much I will look into these books and see what the possibilities are.

[Bill3]

I was a troubled kid, hard to manage. But now I realise that my mother had serious anger issues and that this wasn't acceptable behaviour.

No it wasn't acceptable behavior. I would add that you being "troubled" came from how you were treated.