Help again

I went through 13 years of abuse by mental health professionals. There is no available legal or board actions. I tried for several years.
I also sustained years of abuse as a child.

All I hear is forgive them and move on with your life. Ok so I stated I forgive each and everyone.
I still have horrible flashbacks and memories which brings it all back. I have done EMDR, meditation and mindfulness. I have done hypnotherapy etc. nothing stops above. I have sleep problems because of the things and have been sleep deprived for 10+ years. I have been to sleep disorder clinics.

I am asking “step by step guide” on how to forgive people so I can at the age of 70 have a peaceful life? Any help is greatly appreciated.

Dear dancinglady,

I am so sorry you are in the situation you describe. What happened to you in your life is just utterly, utterly heartbreaking. If I was in your place, I don't know how I would reach a state of forgiveness for those who harmed me and I am a big believer in forgiveness. The human brain is so mysterious. So often it seems to have a mind of its own. It is hard to make the brain do what we want it to do.

I find it inspiring that you even desire to forgive those people you mentioned. That itself is a great and really heroic achievement. I wonder if the desire to forgive itself can take the place of actual forgiveness when one's brain is not cooperating with one's wishes. In so many things in life, we can only do what we can do. None of us are infinite, all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful and all-perfect beings who can just will things and have those things take place. We do what we can.

I suffered many things in my life from people who I later wished to forgive. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques helped me a lot but I certainly have not reached a state of perfect forgiveness. Medication for depression helped me a lot in my quest to forgive. But I am not giving you advice. I am thoroughly unqualified to offer advice.

If others here see and read and post and have helpful ideas, I hope they will share them with you. Many things in life have to be done in stages. Before I could forgive, I had to desire to forgive. And before I could desire to forgive, I had to desire to desire to forgive. I doubt that I am telling you anything that you do not already know. Sorry!

Re-reading what I wrote, I feel my response to your heartfelt post is worse than worthless. Hopefully others here will have better words for you than my poor words.

I do want to tell you that my heart goes to you and I hope you find peace! Deepest apologies for not knowing what to say to be helpful!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen