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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48,065
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#1
I don't know why the breakthrough occurred recently, but about three years after my mother's death, I am finally grieving--not so much about her being gone, but over knowing my mother can now never be the mother I needed and wanted. I am finally crying over things she said and did to me that were hurtful and damaging. I think it's a good thing and will be working with a new therapist. Any thoughts? Thanks.
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Abusedbysister, AliceKate, Bill3, Crazy Hitch, Fuzzybear, Mendingmysoul, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
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#2
I think its about 5 years since my mom passed, and i see changes in my dreams about her still progressing.
Its interesting, my 2 aunts that she was closest to, say that they never dream about her. I guess they dont have unfinished business? They are who she talked to ALL THE TIME - an hour every weekday when i was growing up. She never gave me that kind of attention. |
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Bill3, Fuzzybear, Mendingmysoul, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto, Travelinglady
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
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#3
Were you expecting her to change?? Were you expecting her to be more nurturing??Were you in need of some closure regarding her behaviour towards you?? Hanging on to hope that she will come clean one day and then realizing it will never gonna happen ,now that the person is gone forever brings a lot of grief. I am so sorry.
I would like to get some closure from my mother,before she dies,I also know it may not happen.I am already grieving. By the time she meets her maker,I can be stoic .By any chance if I get a deathbed apology that will come as surprise to me.Hope I am making sense.Hugs. |
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Abusedbysister, Fuzzybear, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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Abusedbysister, Travelinglady
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#4
It can be healing to finally grieve your own losses due to your mother not being there for you the way you needed.
I am sorry, it sounds like your mother lacked in having good parenting skills. |
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RoxanneToto, Travelinglady
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48,065
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#5
Evidently on some level I was hoping for her to change. My sister said right after my mother died that she was upset my mother didn't have some dear parting words to us, in so many words. I told her I wasn't surprised, since my mother would then be caught up with her own needs. (She had narcissistic personality disorder with borderline characteristics, according to one therapist.)
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Fuzzybear, Mendingmysoul, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
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#6
It can take a while to come to terms with, our parents not being the people we wanted and needed them to be, and above all deserved to be raised by. I’m sorry your mother wasn’t who you needed her to be
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Open Eyes, Travelinglady
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#7
How old was your mother?
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
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#8
90 years old when she passed. Hope springs eternal, huh?
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
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#9
Quote:
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Travelinglady
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48,065
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13 22.9k hugs
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#10
Thanks, Fuzzy!
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Fuzzybear
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