Disturbed by Sabotage from Grandmother

CN: Physical abuse, assault, hair pulling, child abuse, various traumas.

I've been haunted lately by something from my past. To give some context, My Story of Abuse

When I was in my early 20s, my biological father continued to abuse me and terrorize me. He would come into my room at 3am to wake me up and ask if I took his Tupperware. He did this every night for months. He would also blame me for the cats missing the litter box. To punish me, he would pick up the bathroom mat and put it near my bed.

When I was about 25, we got into a physical altercation: he ran after me, pulled my hair and slapped me in the face. After that, I knew no one would protect me and my grandmother (whose name was on the lease) would not kick him out or do anything about the abuse. I stopped talking to him as a way to protect myself. A few months later, a friend spoke to me and somehow convinced me to give him a second chance. I did, and he was nice to me for a month then went back to his toxic ways. Once again, I set a boundary and stopped speaking to him.

In the fall of that same year, I moved in with my partner. I had to call home and I spoke to my grandmother. She tricked me and betrayed me by putting my biological father on the phone as a way of forcing me to talk to him. Not speaking to him was the one way I could think of to protect myself, as well as hold him accountable for what he did to me and others. I felt like she was saying "just let him abuse you."

I am haunted by the way she cared more about us not talking to each other than the abuse I suffered. I think it's disturbing. Can anyone shed light on why she did this? I know she is old fashioned and my brother thinks she's a narcissist. I can only think that she's a sadist who wants me to suffer. She knows I could have had a nervous breakdown. It happens in our family: both her husband and daughter had nervous breakdowns. Why would she do that to me knowing what he did and what it could do to my mental health?

Wow. I am so terribly sorry your grandmother did that to you. That was very underhanded and heartless in my opinion. It is really heartbreaking when those we are related to us treat us callously and cruelly. Wish I knew what to say that would help. My heart goes out to you!

It's nice to get validation.