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Grand Poohbah
Albatross2008
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Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,627
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#1
I have a question. I've recently heard of a technique known as dog whistling. I know the definition, but I can't quite pinpoint an example. Dog whistling is when the abuser says something to you in front of other people that the abuser knows is triggering to you, but the other people are not going to know that, and if you respond, you look like a nut case. About the closest I can think of is this. My mother used to have a habit of referring to me as a “little girl” into my tween and teen years. She knew I found this demeaning. So she would call me a little girl in front of her friends, and 14-year-old me would protest. “Mom, I am not a little girl.” She would then immediately switch to calling me "big” in a tone of voice that implied I was fat. Of course if I spoke up about that, then I'm never satisfied. I complain when she calls me little and I complain when she calls me big, what do I want? Would this be an example of dog whistling?
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Mendingmysoul
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Grand Member
Mendingmysoul
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Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: Here
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#2
I heard it today from you for the first time,but when you explained it,I was like wow this is familiar to me.My mom did this all the time.I called it 'setting the stage ' to create the hurt. Didn't know it was called dog whistling. My mom was an expert in this,specially when among a group of people.
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Albatross2008
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Grand Poohbah
Albatross2008
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Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,627
342 hugs
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#3
Glad to bring it to light. I suppose I am understanding it better than I thought I did, but the term is new to me too.
Sort of tangential, but also worthy of discussion. I may start a springboard thread on the fact that it isn't just me. My mother has always tended to call everybody under 21 a "little boy/girl," and pretty much anybody under 40 is a "kid." She even refers to senior citizens using such terms as "boys" or "girls." I've rarely if ever heard her call anybody a "man" or a "woman." I suspect it's a subtle way of elevating herself above them, and/or deluding herself into thinking she's still young herself. (She's nearly 80.) To me, a "little" boy or girl is prepubescent, and anybody of legal age can no longer be called a "kid." |
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Mendingmysoul
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Grand Poohbah
Albatross2008
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Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,627
342 hugs
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#4
I'm updating this thread on dog whistling because I'm slowly beginning to understand what it is. I've found an example that may help illustrate.
Let's say Shelly has been struggling with her math grades. Right before they go to visit relatives, Mother lectures her about the C- on her report card. If she'd only try harder and put in the work, she could do so much better. Then at the visit, Mother makes it a special point to bring up how well Shelly's cousin Kelly is doing in her math class. "You got an A? How wonderful! You must have worked so hard! I'm sure your mother is proud of you." We all know this is an intentional dig at Shelly, but if Shelly utters one word.... |
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