[Rainestorme]

I am familiar with abuse. I was abused physically, sexually, mental/emotionally, and spiritually. Today I witnessed abuse happen to another person and I was terrified.

I witnessed my stepfather

Possible trigger:

physically attack my little sister (21) who still lives at home. He grabbed her by the hair of her head and started beating her. She defended herself and grabbed a nearby crystal vase and hit him in the head with it. He got even more violent. There was screaming and lots of blood from a cut on his head.

The moment it started I jumped out of my chair to defend my sister. But I froze. I knew there was no way I could fight him off of her, even if I was in good health (I'm not, I'm in dire need of neurosurgery). I feel so guilty for not stopping him. I'm her older sister. I'm supposed to protect her.

Our mom took my stepfather's side. She even attacked my sister herself because in cleaning up the mess from everything my sister apparently didn't treat a basket with enough "respect." Both of them said multiple times to her that they weren't abusive and this was all her fault. My sister did nothing wrong. I was right there. They wouldn't let her leave the house. They told her that if she drove away in her car that they would sell the car asap, since it's still in their name. They also told her that she had better not pick up her son from daycare. They said that if she moves out now with him it will be super selfish and make her a bad mom. It was all so manipulative and controlling. My sister did drive away, so they're going to sell her car. That will make it even harder for her to get away from them.

I'd never witnessed something like this before. I don't know what to do. It was terrifying. I told my husband when he got home from work. I was shaking. He's surprised that I didn't have a full blown PTSD episode after seeing that. I'm just scared and I don't know what to do.

[TheGal]

@Rainestorme, my heart goes out to you and your sister....

This is a highly toxic situation and environment. Make the time to grieve and cry.

You need to protect yourself from witnessing this. Perhaps you can only go when your husband comes with you or avoid going altogether.

About your sister, is there anywhere that she and her son can move out to, asap?

[Rainestorme]

Thank you for your reply. My sister is back at home with our mom and my stepdad (he's her blood father). I'm scared for her. She might be able to move in with her grandparents. I'm not sure. I was thinking about only visiting when my husband is with me.

[TheGal]

I hope your sister can get out asap. She needs to have a plan to make this happen in a safe way. Let us know what happens...

And you need to take care of you... keep posting...

(((( Rainestorme ))))

[divine1966]

Does your sister have a child living in this violent household? What you sister should probably do is take her child and go to a shelter. Single mom with a young child no car and a violent household she’d get help from the shelter. If she doesn’t have a car, she should call shelters and they’ll send a car for her, like a taxi.

The only thing I don’t think she should be doing is hitting anyone with a vase. If she gets law enforcement involved it might look as they both are in a violent brawl rather than her being attacked. She needs to make police reports and call police every time she’s being attacked. I also don’t think you need to jump in The middle of the fight but call police instead

Could she leave her child with you or other relatives? She should not have children living in a violent unsafe home

[TheGal]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Does your sister have a child living in this violent household? What you sister should probably do is take her child and go to a shelter. Single mom with a young child no car and a violent household she’d get help from the shelter. If she doesn’t have a car, she should call shelters and they’ll send a car for her, like a taxi.

The only thing I don’t think she should be doing is hitting anyone with a vase. If she gets law enforcement involved it might look as they both are in a violent brawl rather than her being attacked. She needs to make police reports and call police every time she’s being attacked. I also don’t think you need to jump in The middle of the fight but call police instead

Could she leave her child with you or other relatives? She should not have children living in a violent unsafe home

^^ This @Rainestorme - what do you think?

[Rainestorme]

She does have a child. Her son just turned 1 year old. He's in daycare now and she works from home. He's not in danger of being abused by his grandparents, but I get what you mean. He doesn't need to grow up around that or ever witness it.

I'll talk to my sister about seeking out a shelter and about the police. I helped her out of an abusive home situation in the past. Unfortunately, she soon went back home. And I understand that that is normal for those of us who have been abused.

I am unable to take care of my nephew right now. I'm barely able to walk due to nerve damage in my legs. I see a neurosurgeon soon. I will talk with my sister and try to help her come up with a plan. It really helps to get honest reactions to what happened. My mom and stepdad started with the gaslighting while still hitting her. They gaslit me too. "We're not abusive." You'd think that after all this time I would be better as seeing through it but it still messes with my head.

[divine1966]

The child IS in danger living in the household where people are routinely assaulted and fights are so violent that blood is drawn. The items that are thrown around could fly wrong direction or broken pieces could hit him even if he isn’t the one beaten up directly. He is very much in danger. Emotionally and physically. I do understand you can’t fix it

[Roseviolet]

I think that for best results the younger sister and her child should probably move in with other relatives, preferably ones who can keep them for at least a few months.
You mentioned for instance her grandparents?
And I agree about, even if the child is in no immediate physical danger that you know of, that still doesn't mean that he is in no danger. He still could be.
And I can't believe these people (and I *literally don't* believe them) saying how "they are not abusive" while they are beating her up. 😠
(What???)
(We're such angry people and so angry at you that when you say we are abusive, it makes us want to beat you? What's *that* about?)
Anyway. It's ridiculous anyone (a) being so eager to defend themselves like that (to the person whom they are attacking) and (b) insisting that *they don't even do* the very thing that they are then in the act of doing.
Strange, strange people.
Sigh.
Your sister and her son should get away from them.
Please.
The sooner, the better, I say.

[Roseviolet]

I'll just add here that it's (obviously) none of my business what these people do or don't do.
I just really want them to be safe.
And in my humble opinion, shelters aren't necessarily particularly safe.
I suggest as an alternate option that the poster's younger sister (and her child with her) consider going to live with (or at least temporarily go to stay with) other (and preferably safer) relatives.
Hope everything works out okay.
Hugs. 🤗

[Roseviolet]

Multiple hugs to all here, and especially, best of luck to those in the situation described in the original post. (Or for that matter any other situation that may happen to be similar.)
Hugs and I'm out for the night. 🌃🌆��🌌🌃

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rainestorme

I am familiar with abuse. I was abused physically, sexually, mental/emotionally, and spiritually. Today I witnessed abuse happen to another person and I was terrified.

I witnessed my stepfather

Possible trigger:

physically attack my little sister (21) who still lives at home. He grabbed her by the hair of her head and started beating her. She defended herself and grabbed a nearby crystal vase and hit him in the head with it. He got even more violent. There was screaming and lots of blood from a cut on his head.

The moment it started I jumped out of my chair to defend my sister. But I froze. I knew there was no way I could fight him off of her, even if I was in good health (I'm not, I'm in dire need of neurosurgery). I feel so guilty for not stopping him. I'm her older sister. I'm supposed to protect her.

Our mom took my stepfather's side. She even attacked my sister herself because in cleaning up the mess from everything my sister apparently didn't treat a basket with enough "respect." Both of them said multiple times to her that they weren't abusive and this was all her fault. My sister did nothing wrong. I was right there. They wouldn't let her leave the house. They told her that if she drove away in her car that they would sell the car asap, since it's still in their name. They also told her that she had better not pick up her son from daycare. They said that if she moves out now with him it will be super selfish and make her a bad mom. It was all so manipulative and controlling. My sister did drive away, so they're going to sell her car. That will make it even harder for her to get away from them.

I'd never witnessed something like this before. I don't know what to do. It was terrifying. I told my husband when he got home from work. I was shaking. He's surprised that I didn't have a full blown PTSD episode after seeing that. I'm just scared and I don't know what to do.

I’m so sorry for what you and your sister are going through. Have your sister thought about contacting the police and making a report against her father? I seen domestic violence both male and female.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TheGal

@Rainestorme, my heart goes out to you and your sister....

This is a highly toxic situation and environment. Make the time to grieve and cry.

You need to protect yourself from witnessing this. Perhaps you can only go when your husband comes with you or avoid going altogether.

About your sister, is there anywhere that she and her son can move out to, asap?

That is great advice

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rainestorme

Thank you for your reply. My sister is back at home with our mom and my stepdad (he's her blood father). I'm scared for her. She might be able to move in with her grandparents. I'm not sure. I was thinking about only visiting when my husband is with me.

Sounds like a great goal to try out.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TheGal

I hope your sister can get out asap. She needs to have a plan to make this happen in a safe way. Let us know what happens...

And you need to take care of you... keep posting...

(((( Rainestorme ))))

That is great advice