TW: Sexually abused by multiple perpetrators

polyfractal · 06:44 PM

I was paralysed, because I was having flashbacks of my trauma history. I had been sexually abused by multiple perpetrators for many years.

Possible trigger:

The first incident happened when I was 13 years old. I was standing in the train, traveling to school and during the time in the tunnel, I felt a stranger’s hand groping my underwear for a very long time. When I arrived at my destination, as I moved away from the spot, he grabbed hold of me even harder. The second incident happened when I was 13 years old. I met a friend of a friend named Richard; I knew him from Marianne. He told me to remove all of my clothing and get into sexual positions to take photos for him. He told me to split open my legs. The third incident happened when I was 13 years old. There was a male stranger who asked me to stimulate my genital with a rubber, despite he knew I was underaged. He asked me how I was feeling.

The fourth incident happened at the age of 20, I had a rape incident at the church in Camberwell. It happened on February 28, 2016 and it was this event that had triggered all the flashbacks of my trauma history. I had amnesia my whole life until the age of 21. It happened on a Sunday, in the morning after the church service. There was an Asian man who did hand gesture twice to me, telling me to come over and he was luring me into a dark room. The fifth incident happened at the age of 20, I was giving out flyers at Caulfield train station, there was a Caucasian man who approached me and had a rape incident with me. He fondled my hair and shoulder, kissed and rubbed my hand for a very long time. He asked me do I know what love is.

The sixth incident happened when I was 22 years old by my psychologist Andrea. I was in the waiting room sitting and she was fondling my left thigh. It felt normal for her, but it was traumatic to me. The other incident happened when I was 24 years old. She stimulated my genital, the feeling was very new to me, I felt very confused and very traumatized by it afterwards. I never have touched my genital for stimulation by myself. When she touched me, I felt like she had destroyed my purity. When I had the forced orgasm, I felt very traumatized. She was rubbing my heart and fondled my small breasts for a very long time. In 2020 November, she held the fragment stone that was gifted by my therapist Andrea and she placed it on my genital for stimulation. She had destroyed the power of the healing symbol that I used to cherish so much. It had lost its meaning afterwards. It was meant to hold all of my fragments together, now it is the opposite, causing harm to me instead. In 2020 December 9, I was in the hotel room in Glen Waverley, I was in my most traumatized position in the bathtub and she poured milk over my heart and it dripped down to my thighs.

The seventh incident happened when I was 25 years old. I was going through psychotherapy with Dr. Rosie. She is a doctorate clinical psychologist. She abused her power over my child alters and took advantage of my age regression. There was a time I was in my most traumatized position on her couch in the therapy room, she placed many stones on my left thigh. She told me to email her about my feelings and said that we can be friends in knowledge. There was another time I was drawing on the ground with her, she held my left hand and rubbed it for a very long time. I was very traumatized afterwards. The eighth incident happened when I was 25 years old, I was in the hospital’s bedroom at Camberwell in 2020 December 11-14. It was a rape incident. My psychiatrist Kevin went into my bedroom alone and closed the door completely. Normally there would be two people present and never alone to visit me in the bedroom. He knew I dissociated and switched alters, he took this chance to abuse me. He asked me whether I see anyone in the bedroom and I said I only can see him. He asked me whether I know what alters are and I said no. I was lying on my bed when he visited me. Another time I collapsed in the hospital’s corridor waiting for his appointment, I was in my most traumatized position crying and he touched my right hand.

Buffy01 · Feb 10, 2023, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by polyfractal

I was paralysed, because I was having flashbacks of my trauma history. I had been sexually abused by multiple perpetrators for many years.

Possible trigger:

The first incident happened when I was 13 years old. I was standing in the train, traveling to school and during the time in the tunnel, I felt a stranger’s hand groping my underwear for a very long time. When I arrived at my destination, as I moved away from the spot, he grabbed hold of me even harder. The second incident happened when I was 13 years old. I met a friend of a friend named Richard; I knew him from Marianne. He told me to remove all of my clothing and get into sexual positions to take photos for him. He told me to split open my legs. The third incident happened when I was 13 years old. There was a male stranger who asked me to stimulate my genital with a rubber, despite he knew I was underaged. He asked me how I was feeling.

The fourth incident happened at the age of 20, I had a rape incident at the church in Camberwell. It happened on February 28, 2016 and it was this event that had triggered all the flashbacks of my trauma history. I had amnesia my whole life until the age of 21. It happened on a Sunday, in the morning after the church service. There was an Asian man who did hand gesture twice to me, telling me to come over and he was luring me into a dark room. The fifth incident happened at the age of 20, I was giving out flyers at Caulfield train station, there was a Caucasian man who approached me and had a rape incident with me. He fondled my hair and shoulder, kissed and rubbed my hand for a very long time. He asked me do I know what love is.

The sixth incident happened when I was 22 years old by my psychologist Andrea. I was in the waiting room sitting and she was fondling my left thigh. It felt normal for her, but it was traumatic to me. The other incident happened when I was 24 years old. She stimulated my genital, the feeling was very new to me, I felt very confused and very traumatized by it afterwards. I never have touched my genital for stimulation by myself. When she touched me, I felt like she had destroyed my purity. When I had the forced orgasm, I felt very traumatized. She was rubbing my heart and fondled my small breasts for a very long time. In 2020 November, she held the fragment stone that was gifted by my therapist Andrea and she placed it on my genital for stimulation. She had destroyed the power of the healing symbol that I used to cherish so much. It had lost its meaning afterwards. It was meant to hold all of my fragments together, now it is the opposite, causing harm to me instead. In 2020 December 9, I was in the hotel room in Glen Waverley, I was in my most traumatized position in the bathtub and she poured milk over my heart and it dripped down to my thighs.

The seventh incident happened when I was 25 years old. I was going through psychotherapy with Dr. Rosie. She is a doctorate clinical psychologist. She abused her power over my child alters and took advantage of my age regression. There was a time I was in my most traumatized position on her couch in the therapy room, she placed many stones on my left thigh. She told me to email her about my feelings and said that we can be friends in knowledge. There was another time I was drawing on the ground with her, she held my left hand and rubbed it for a very long time. I was very traumatized afterwards. The eighth incident happened when I was 25 years old, I was in the hospital’s bedroom at Camberwell in 2020 December 11-14. It was a rape incident. My psychiatrist Kevin went into my bedroom alone and closed the door completely. Normally there would be two people present and never alone to visit me in the bedroom. He knew I dissociated and switched alters, he took this chance to abuse me. He asked me whether I see anyone in the bedroom and I said I only can see him. He asked me whether I know what alters are and I said no. I was lying on my bed when he visited me. Another time I collapsed in the hospital’s corridor waiting for his appointment, I was in my most traumatized position crying and he touched my right hand.

Have you reported the abuse?