The things that tell me my family relationship is toxic/abusive

1. They told me they are all I have, and I have no friends. My friends told me to treat them like a ****** boyfriend and dump them

2. They intentionally say things to try to provoke a reaction. Then act like they didn’t do anything and twist context to paint you as “attacking them” in an unsolicited manner

3. Tell you you possess difficult emotions and insist you feel that way when you don’t

4. Like gossip. “Let me tell you what I heard through the grapevine. So and so says this about you, and everyone thinks that about you.”

5. Conversely the gossip sounds like information they fed to others. They are the source of gossip. The gossip seems to be negative.

6. Inability to apologize and admit wrongdoing

7. They attack ad hominem. But you’re causing drama simply because you’re not buying their disingenuous explanations and outright lies.

8. Inability to handle any conflict or disagreement even when you disagree respectfully. You disagree because you’re difficult and an angry mentally ill person.

9. Seem to accuse you of the very things they are doing to you. Attack your very core of your person, and if you plead your case, you are harassing them.

10. Stating your feelings is viewed as an argument

11. Your familial abuser is a wonderful person worthy of redemption. You have membership in the family out of sheer grace. You feel like you can’t redeem yourself

12. Use any opportunities to tear you down, especially if you’re already upset about something

13. They are a wonderful person. You are not.

14. Traits of your abuser are projected onto you. You are your abuser even if you didn’t hurt anyone

I wrote this list because it’s hard to feel like it’s true. But it feels that way to me. Maybe this list will help you.

I feel almost the same way you do. A lot of people would dread the thought of being stuck all alone on a desert island, but that idea seems like it would be almost ideal for me when I am relating to my family. I am so sorry you are treated so poorly.