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survivor112
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Heart Mar 08, 2023 at 03:02 PM
  #1
For anyone who takes the time to read this, I just wanted to provide a little bit of hope for those who are experiencing or recovering from physical and emotional abuse in domestic relationships. I was in a four year abusive relationship with my partner at the time. I endured emotional, physical, and sexual abuse throughout this time period. At the time I felt extremely alone, devalued, and overall worthless. I spent so much of my time catering to the other individual's needs and walking on eggshells ensuring that I did not say or do the wrong thing to set him off.

As I'm sure many others can agree with, the relationship did not start out this way. It started with lots of hugs and kisses, attention, and planning for the rest of my life with who I thought was my soulmate. Gradually the 'love' started fading and it seemed that everything I did was 'wrong' and he was not the man that I initially agreed to be in a partnership with. Emotional and mental abuse set in with the love bombing, manipulation, and toxicity to one another. Along with emotional abuse came the physical and sexual abuse. I was constantly being stalked and watched and ultimately I was just too afraid to seek outside help because of the repercussions I would face if my significant other found out. Being young, I thought this was true love and I constantly sought to prove to myself and others that I could make the relationship work if I just tried a little harder. I felt trapped and would then take these feelings out on myself with self harm and long phases of depression. I didn't believe that I deserved any better than the hand that was dealt to me. Ultimately, what led to the end of this relationship was threatening to harm my family and others I deeply cared about. During the time, I did not care that I was the victim of physical abuse but I did care that others could potentially be harmed because of my relationship.

After finally seeking a protection order, my abuser continued to stalk and pursue me for another year after the relationship ended until he found his next victim. As you can imagine, this took an emotional toll and made me constantly paranoid. I felt as if I could not move forward to new and healthier relationships. I also never took the time to heal myself and moved from one toxic relationship to another, again not feeling like I deserved any better.

Now seven years has passed, (I hope that this is not discouraging to viewers reading this, as everyone heals at their own pace and in their own way) and I finally feel as if I have learned and recovered. I still to this day have moments of PTSD and truly believe that although I have healed, I will never forget the lessons I learned. I have taken a deep look into what makes a person a psychopath and how to fully recover and become my caring self once again despite what I have went through. I am now engaged to a man who is the most thoughtful and caring person that I have ever met. I have learned healthy coping skills. Overcoming this was not easy and I strive everyday to be a better person and not let my previous relationships affect my current and future relationship and marriage. Each day I take the time to reflect on myself and how I can continue to be this better version of me, not only for my fiancé, but more importantly, for myself. I deeply feel for those who are going through something similar and my hopes in sharing my story is that you too will be able to find some hope and courage to leave an abusive relationship, despite feeling alone. You are stronger than you think!

Last edited by CANDC; Mar 08, 2023 at 10:16 PM.. Reason: Bring thread within Community Guidelines
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Default Mar 09, 2023 at 05:25 PM
  #2
Hi, survivor! Thank you so much for sharing, & for encouraging others here. You told part of my story, & I'm so sorry you had to live that life, & I'm so glad for you, regarding your new future. Welcome to MSF, & thank you so very much for joining us!

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Heart May 21, 2023 at 07:34 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by survivor112 View Post
For anyone who takes the time to read this, I just wanted to provide a little bit of hope for those who are experiencing or recovering from physical and emotional abuse in domestic relationships. I was in a four year abusive relationship with my partner at the time. I endured emotional, physical, and sexual abuse throughout this time period. At the time I felt extremely alone, devalued, and overall worthless. I spent so much of my time catering to the other individual's needs and walking on eggshells ensuring that I did not say or do the wrong thing to set him off.

As I'm sure many others can agree with, the relationship did not start out this way. It started with lots of hugs and kisses, attention, and planning for the rest of my life with who I thought was my soulmate. Gradually the 'love' started fading and it seemed that everything I did was 'wrong' and he was not the man that I initially agreed to be in a partnership with. Emotional and mental abuse set in with the love bombing, manipulation, and toxicity to one another. Along with emotional abuse came the physical and sexual abuse. I was constantly being stalked and watched and ultimately I was just too afraid to seek outside help because of the repercussions I would face if my significant other found out. Being young, I thought this was true love and I constantly sought to prove to myself and others that I could make the relationship work if I just tried a little harder. I felt trapped and would then take these feelings out on myself with self harm and long phases of depression. I didn't believe that I deserved any better than the hand that was dealt to me. Ultimately, what led to the end of this relationship was threatening to harm my family and others I deeply cared about. During the time, I did not care that I was the victim of physical abuse but I did care that others could potentially be harmed because of my relationship.

After finally seeking a protection order, my abuser continued to stalk and pursue me for another year after the relationship ended until he found his next victim. As you can imagine, this took an emotional toll and made me constantly paranoid. I felt as if I could not move forward to new and healthier relationships. I also never took the time to heal myself and moved from one toxic relationship to another, again not feeling like I deserved any better.

Now seven years has passed, (I hope that this is not discouraging to viewers reading this, as everyone heals at their own pace and in their own way) and I finally feel as if I have learned and recovered. I still to this day have moments of PTSD and truly believe that although I have healed, I will never forget the lessons I learned. I have taken a deep look into what makes a person a psychopath and how to fully recover and become my caring self once again despite what I have went through. I am now engaged to a man who is the most thoughtful and caring person that I have ever met. I have learned healthy coping skills. Overcoming this was not easy and I strive everyday to be a better person and not let my previous relationships affect my current and future relationship and marriage. Each day I take the time to reflect on myself and how I can continue to be this better version of me, not only for my fiancé, but more importantly, for myself. I deeply feel for those who are going through something similar and my hopes in sharing my story is that you too will be able to find some hope and courage to leave an abusive relationship, despite feeling alone. You are stronger than you think!
I understand how you feel. I seen domestic violence from both sex

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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