Need someone with knowledge on this

Okay .. a few facts to give background

I don't have any knowledge about strokes, etc. I do however, have knowledge about verbal abuse. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. As you have experienced, you can see that abuse is always a choice. You can't make anyone change. Have you talked to him about his behavior? Strokes dont cause abusive behavior. Does he want to change? Would he seek therapy?

Agreed strokes do not cause abusive behaviors. What they do cause is brain damage and bc he is unable to truly think clearly all the time, talking with him can only be done when he is clear headed. When I talk to him about it then, he says "it's like I hear myself saying things but am unable to stop myself from saying it and do not understand why I am saying it. To be honest, I'm not certain why you stay." and he cries physically, so I know he means it.. I just do not know how to help him, or myself.

Thank you for responding. ❤️

Im sorry but theres nothing you can do to "make" him change back to a non violent person.

in short stroke in a medical condition. it affects whatever areas of the brain and functions that the physical damage is in. and that depends on lots of things including what type of stroke it is, what life style the person was living, what their risk factors are, what their common and not so common symptoms, problems and behaviors are.

I have seen able bodied people lose partial or full mobility and yes it does also affect a persons mental health side of things like mood swings and so on. I have a relative who had a stroke. she went from being the most caring and compassionate person to the most violent, irritable hard to be around person.

the thing you need to know about this is that you the loved one or care taker can not "make" a strke survivor go back to being normal or better or less irritable or less violent any more than anyone can make you not do things you do.

they are their own person making their own choices based on their own life situations, feelings and so on. you cant fix them.

but you .....can..... do things for yourself that will help you understand their situation and then take steps on how you react or deal with their handicaps.

for example this person is showing abusive , or aggessive behaviors. you cant change him you cant control him because the stroke has damaged his brain cells in a way that he now has no control over what he says and does.

ok I cant control others do I see a pattern in me that can be changed. is there one thing that is setting this off. not saying tip toe on eggshels like a victim of domestic violence a stroke survivor being aggressive and abusive has nothing to do with domestic violence. its physicla brain damage that needs to be worked around.

so for example if he gets upset because his eggs you just put in front of him are scrambled next time you ask him before cooking ....

Im making some eggs do you want some, I can make them scrambled like this ...

show a picture.
I can fry them like this -
show a matching picture.

that way his brain matches your words to the pictures, in turn stimulating both sides of the brain by passing the damage on one side or the other of the brain.

his physcial therapist should have explained this and that stroke survivors do have a change and they can not go back to normal or how they used to be before the stroke. they can through physical therapy and occupational therapy train other areas of the brain to take on the jobs of the damaged areas but that takes time, repetition and patience. and understand that his now normal reactions will not be something you can control anymore than you can control out of you the feelings of irritation, frustration and so on.

what you see is what you have now, this is all there is, this is him good and the bad. you cant control him but you have control over you and your reactions and how you approach his difficulties because of his handicap.

you can also contact a treatment provider to work on your past abuse issues so that you can understand how that past abuse is different than his being aggressive and abusive due to traumatic brain injury.

his physical therapist and his occupational therapist can also help you to understand his situation and how to work with him as he is now - a disabled person who cannot due to physical brain injury control his outbursts of frustration, anger and his feelings about his life and situations.

his treatment providers can also get you set up with respite care where someone comes in to help you care for him, or help enroll him in special senior and disabled day programs. these will give you a break from him and being his care taker and be able to focus on you and your own therapy needs.

Pretty sure you completely misunderstood what I was asking and I am truly not going to go through the frustration of reexplaining myself. You understood what you wanted to understand. Thanks for responding, but I am not someone that's about controlling anyone, so if that's what you heard, I apologize .. but bc the vast majority of what I hear from you is this:

(1) you cannot control him
(2) his care team is in charge, not you

There is nothing I can use to benefit from this from. But,again, thank you for trying.