[Mrocker]

Hello, I'm new to the forum. And I am having trouble with this. When I was 13 and my sister was 8. I was in her room and I asked her we could cuddle, which we did. I did get aroused, but we did not take our clothes off, I didn't touch any of her body parts, we did not kiss, it was just a brief cuddle which felt good. This never happened again, and we've always had a good relationship as siblings.

I'm 64 now. I never really felt guilty about it or had issues with it and the memory of it sort of faded over the years. Recently I was in therapy and mentioned this to my therapist and she didn't think that much of it. So it really hasn't been an issue. Recently I was together with my family and my sister's husband mentioned that my sister doesn't remember some of her childhood, that he thinks she had some sort of Trauma. It wasn't directed at me but at the group. Right away I felt super guilty that maybe some how I caused the trauma

We did have other trauma in our lives. My sister was in a bad bicycle accident with my cousin where she flew over the handlebars and was injured. We also were in a bad accident in a trailer when we were teens where both my sisters flew out of the back of the car. Luckily nobody was killed.

I am very reluctant to bring this up with her because she may not even remember it or it may not bother her, and I didn't want to put something in her head that maybe isn't there. Her issues could be totally unrelated to this. Looking for advice on the forum.

[CANDC]

Hi @Mrocker welcome to MSF. I am sorry that you feel this guilt about a situation that you did 51 years ago.

From what you say you just hugged and as happens to young teens the body responded. What you did was not act on that feeling and did not pursue it. I don't see any reason to keep beating yourself over the head about it.

First you were 13 and teens are experiementing with relating to other people physically. You did not respond in an inappropriate way. End of story.

The blame game is nasty as it keeps ruminating on an incident and blaming us even if we did nothing wrong. Telling your sister might not really help her and may only confuse her. You have confessed to your therapist and now to us. If you do not feel better yet by dwelling on it then why keep telling the story?

By creating a new behavior pattern I have got unstuck. Instead of keep running a scenario in my mind, I regret doing it but do not judge or feel guilt. I make a determination not to repeat it again and then I see it as a dream that I wake up from now.

The time I spent dwelling on problems was mostly wasted. I needed to let go of problems and make a new start. Doing that every time the thought comes up I have rewired the brain. It has taken persistence.

If you want to talk to an issue with your therapist, how about asking her how you can cope with guilt and feeling responsible for others? Just an idea.

Hope you get the support you are looking for. @CANDC

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Hi @Mrocker welcome to MSF. I am sorry that you feel this guilt about a situation that you did 51 years ago.

From what you say you just hugged and as happens to young teens the body responded. What you did was not act on that feeling and did not pursue it. I don't see any reason to keep beating yourself over the head about it.

First you were 13 and teens are experiementing with relating to other people physically. You did not respond in an inappropriate way. End of story.

The blame game is nasty as it keeps ruminating on an incident and blaming us even if we did nothing wrong. Telling your sister might not really help her and may only confuse her. You have confessed to your therapist and now to us. If you do not feel better yet by dwelling on it then why keep telling the story?

By creating a new behavior pattern I have got unstuck. Instead of keep running a scenario in my mind, I regret doing it but do not judge or feel guilt. I make a determination not to repeat it again and then I see it as a dream that I wake up from now.

The time I spent dwelling on problems was mostly wasted. I needed to let go of problems and make a new start. Doing that every time the thought comes up I have rewired the brain. It has taken persistence.

If you want to talk to an issue with your therapist, how about asking her how you can cope with guilt and feeling responsible for others? Just an idea.

Hope you get the support you are looking for. @CANDC

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