August 6th - National Sister’s Day

August 6th is the national sister’s day. I usually end up spending the day thinking about the things that my sister did to me. Not only she used to beat the daylight out of me regularly until I was in late teens, she bullied me constantly that I was in a command mode around her. I knew she would beat me up after coming home from school and I was in a constant state of fear around her.

The more upsetting thing was the reaction of other people who thought it was very funny to have a 5 5’ girl beating up a 5 7’ guy. My parents were embarrassed by me and blamed me for not being able to stand up to her and would encourage me to “be a man” and stand up to her, which would result in more beatings. In high school, teachers had noticed my bruises and found out she was beating me up but didn’t want to do anything about their ace student who was their top girl soccer player and champion in girls’ rugby and I was not good at anything. The principal even told me I should be more like her not appreciating that I was always in state of fear .

I always wondered why I didn’t have a sister who was more like other sisters. Many brothers and sisters get along and they become friends min adulthood, but I am still in a state of fear around her and get anxiety to think about her. Therapy has helped but hasn’t eliminated my issues.

I know some of you have heard my stories before but I needed to express myself in a safe environment.

I never had a sister, or indeed any sibling. I'm sort of thankful for it. being the only child meant I wasn't involved in any type of sibling rivalry

sorry for what happened to you. I hope you take extra care of yourself today.

I had a brother who was occasionally violent towards me. His behaviour was distressing and he began threatening to kill me so much I thought he might actually do it.

I think he is more supported by family because they are more wowed by him having a family and doing all the right things in their mind. He’s more narcissistic and I think family automatically accepts him because he reflects their narcissism. They readily default to lauding him for average milestones while holding me at arm’s length whenever I bring any issue or concern. My successes feel overshadowed by me being the problem.

I think I am a scapegoat.

That's terrible and you absolutely didn't deserve it and your parents should have protected you. Women can 100% be physically abusive and it's awful that you got stuck with that kind of sister.


My mother was physically abusive to my brother and mentally/emotionally with me.


It doesn't matter how strong someone is - some people are more vicious like your sister. The meaner person will usually win because they don't care about being fair or how badly hurt you are. I'm glad you had therapy and it helped. I think it's hard to ever fully escape the consequences of bullying and abuse. Lately I've been watching Buddhist videos on YouTube and they can be soothing. One thing that might also help is to think of what good might have come out of it - like you have compassion for others who are suffering. I think more men are coming forward these days who are victims of physical abuse from women.

Thank you for the comment. Sorry to hear about your mother. It is so true that meaner people win. Not only she didn’t care how much she hurt me, she enjoyed it more the more pain I received. Although physically I was bigger, I ended up being mentally in a state of fear of getting hurt all the time, and she knew it so she made sure I would get hurt.

It is true that more men are coming forward about getting abused physically by women but it is still slow. In our culture, there is a feeling of shame about it, like not being a man or being a sissy or wuss. I grew up with a 24 hr feeling of shame and I am still embarrassed about it to this day.

I believe you. My brothers beat me up and my mom blamed me.

I'm sorry you went through that and being blamed or people not believing you is the worst thing in the world. Know that there are people out here who believe you and know it wasn't funny or your fault.

I grew up being constantly torn apart by my older brother and sister. They mimicked the behavior of our narcissistic father and I was the scapegoat. I went through years of this continued pattern of behavior until a few years ago when we all began to realize what we'd been through. My sister ended up in an abusive marriage and my brother with a long line of abusive women. Recently, as we've all confronted what our lives have actually been like, we've become very open about the abuse/horrible behaviors and have begun to heal.

I'm not saying this will necessarily happen with you and your sister or that she deserves forgiveness, but I do hope you can make your own peace with it. Who knows, there may actually come a day when she seeks your forgiveness (I never expected it from my siblings) and it will be entirely up to you whether to give her that or slam the door in her face. In the meantime, keep trying to move forward and live the best life you can. We have faith in you.

I’m the scapegoat too