Coming to terms with being lied to

I think my aunt told a really terrible lie to manipulate a response out of me.

I had experienced sexual abuse in childhood at the hands of a step parent. I reported him. He admitted guilt, and because he was compliant with the investigation, I was told I didn't have to testify against him in court. I was told he was in court ordered therapy, and had gone through intensive therapy.

My aunt said my mom lied about it all and that she refused to take part in the investigation, thus having the case dropped.

It just doesn't quite add up though with what my aunt was saying. It also looks like my aunt was really trying to manipulate my loyalty to her. In the end she discarded me anyway, and told a few other lies.

I am disgusted she told such a lie just to manipulate me, like she saw something she could manipulate and didn't care just as long as it made me loyal to her, and easy to manipulate by her.

She kept accusing me of lying, and kept trying to get me to "confess."

In the end I am not surprised I had this experience given my family history. It's so messed up I just want to move far away.

This doesn’t make sense.
You started with “I think”. Telling me you are uncertain yourself. Bringing up another questionable thing here. You stated that you “were told” that he was cooperating and there for you didn’t have to testify. So did you not go to the hearing at all then? Was there still a hearing? And “who” told you that he was cooperating and therefore you didn’t have to testify?
Then I’ma little confused as to what your aunt is trying to get you to “confess”? Are you saying that your aunt is trying to get you to state that you lied about the sexual abuse and your original statement of it?
Finally why is she trying to do this? What does she have to gain from all this?
Is there a chance that there is a little truth to the idea that you may have been lied to in the past about not having to testifying about the assault so that you didn’t have to attend the hearing and therefore did not go to the hearing?

Not sure what she wanted me to confess to. Intel to use against me because she’s just like that. There is another abuser in the family and they don’t believe it, although he has done jail time for repeat offences to his partners (domestic violence). Neither her nor my mom have good track records for honesty, so it’s hard to tell when they’re being honest. A lot of manipulation and triangulation out of both of them. My aunt accused my mom of lying a lot, but it appears my aunt likes to provoke, and lie, and gets angered quite easily if you set a boundary, or disagree with her.

My mom told me an awful lot of the details about the case. In court, it’s not unheard of that a victim doesn’t have to testify if the perpetrator does not contest anything. A lot of details were shared about his therapy, and just a lot of things were known in the community and shared as fact beyond what my mother said. It appears like something was done, either out of my stepfather's guilt or due to a court process.

My mom liked gloating and gossiping and that could have given the appearance that the situation was dealt with. Police records are not free information, even in cases of child sexual abuse in my country.

My aunt had some odd behaviour and seemed to take opportunity to belittle and isolate me if I was feeling vulnerable.

I used to have faith in my aunt, but she acted bizarrely recently- like trying to give my physical address out to my mom when I was no contact - after telling me my mom was essentially complicit in my sexual abuse.

My mom was abusive and used to allow my brother to physically attack me. I told my aunt this, and she tried to triangulate my brother into the situation when my mom passed away, and essentially gave him all the power, while he stonewalled me on any information.

Essentially, my aunt would say something provocative and I would tell her, “that's not right” and she’d rage like you had seriously emotionally wounded her. She likes to score keep and any information I give to her is kept as intel to use against you later.

At a later date, when I caught her in another lie, she threw the situation with my mother back in my face and swore up and down she had no idea where my mother lived and said she would never lie to me, which came across like she’s lying. She’s done that a couple of times and then would try to gaslight me afterwards. She tries to mess with your head and if you don’t react and point out a discrepancy on anything she says, she goes on a warpath of name calling, put downs, labelling and spreading as much c.r.a.p. as she can to her people.

She has 0 loyalty to me. She calls me a liar I think as projection. She screamed it at me when I admitted I felt vulnerable around an alcoholic superintendent. It’s like she took a moment of vulnerability, saw it as weakness and attacked. She is vindictive, and if I merely point out a discrepancy and admit I don’t like how she handled something (without attacking her) she goes into a rage.

I have seen a lot of rages and violent tantrums out of family and I am just done with it. Now it’s piecing together the stories to figure out what is actually true. Decided my family does not have my best interest at heart.

A truthful person wouldn’t rage at you or punish you for pointing out a discrepancy.

Trust me the more I go into it, the harder it might be to understand.

Here’s how things went with my aunt. She claimed my mom lied entirely about the history of sexual abuse to her new partner. I don’t know how my aunt came to this conclusion. Or how she knows this intricate detail in my mom’s personal relationship. She claims she lied because my mom would ask her not to talk about her ex when she visited with her new partner.

The case happened over 30 years ago so why it would get dragged out and discussed then seems a bit sus.

My aunt then said that my mom refused to be interviewed for the investigation and got the case dropped. Again, I didn’t know this for over 30 years.

My aunt seemed to blame my mom heavily for the relationship suggesting she ignored the warning signs. There is a bit of an element of mother blame.

Despite the case getting dropped social services was involved in counselling my family at the time, including my stepdad. Social services kind of worked with police on the case. I don’t think the police needed my mother’s testimony to move forward with the case. My mom’s actions in trying to keep family together in those moments didn’t belie someone who is an enabler or has something to hide.

Something just isn’t quite adding up.

The way my aunt told it it’s like you’d think this might have been useful information at the time everything happened, not 30 years later. The passage of time makes me wonder if she distorted some things in her mind.

When my mom died she told me I was just a very angry person, and that everyone thinks you’re just an angry person and that I shouldn’t be allowed to meet my mother’s partner at her cremation because I might say something to upset him. She told me he said I was just an angry person as well. I had Never met the man. She also claimed the day after my mother was cremated, “oh he wanted you to attend, but I told him it’s not my problem to tell you these things and it’s up to him to contact you.”

Afterwards I said I felt like information was deliberately mishandled to leave me out of the loop. I said her handling of the situation was hurtful and unacceptable. She kept telling me to talk to my brother who in turn refused any information and treated me like I was trouble for asking for basic honesty.

She told me that she hadn’t talked to anyone in years and claimed I was imagining things. She told me not to drag her into my drama. She said it was unfair I brought anything up considering how well she treated me. She said it was a necessary evil to triangulate my brother in because he said I hated my mom for some of the things she did. They both decided I shouldn’t go because I might say something.

So are you with me on this? She claims a bunch really damning things about my mom that involves her current partner and is absolutely dead set on me not meeting the man, at my mother’s cremation , or having much of a presence in my family. She was trying to control my image and how I show up in family in a very negative way. It's kind of funny she accuses me of lying, and my mom of controlling the narrative when she does the exact same things herself.

Could it be she’s acting like that because she hasn’t actually been truthful and might be uncomfortable if I discover a few things I didn’t know about?

The nerve to actually start drama and then turn around and accuse me of it.

I said it seemed deceitful that she claimed she hadn’t talked to them in years but then acted like she had a direct conversation with him during my mother’s cremation. I said it seemed very deceptive and disrespectful and kind of disingenuous to act that way, and call it kindness.

The lady lost her ****. She called me pathetic, crazy, and said I was exactly like my mother. She accused me of being in a psychotic episode and just dished out a bunch of ad hominem attacks. She said she was going to have me charged with harassment.

Nothing I said reached the level of Karen that she did.

She brought up how I threatened her with abandonment if she ever gave my address to my mother. She retold the story as if I approached her unsolicited and said, “if you ever give my address to my mother I’ll disown you.” She swore up and down she didn’t know where my mother lived and knew nothing about her life. Again that’s quite different from the things she claims to know about my mom.

The reality is she approached me and said she almost gave my address to my mother. She specified address. I laughed and said omg I would disown you. Why?”

The woman could barely contain her rage at me because I had boundaries. I had to explain why handing out my address to someone she essentially called a pedophile enabler is bad.

She retold that like I attacked her with that information.

Her actions don’t really belie an honest person. You provoke, triangulate and bring up subjects to deliberately trigger and then you use that to isolate me?

Honestly ***** my family.