Today it occurred to me

Without exception, every person in my life who has ever bullied, assaulted, or abused me in any way….

….has gotten away with it.

I’ve been sitting here *trying* to think of an exception, and I can’t. It’s the truth. Whether it’s “quit being so sensitive, just ignore them and they’ll stop,” or “not enough evidence to convict,” or “what did you do to egg it on?” or “there’s two sides to every story,” or “surely it’s not that big a deal, you’re making mountains out of molehills,” or “he didn’t know what he was doing, he’s sick in the head, you have to excuse him and let it go,” no justice has ever been served for me being harmed in any way.

I learned early in my life that it’s only called “abuse,” “assault,” or “bullying” if it happens to somebody else. If it happens to me, it’s just “oh well, shut up about it, other people have been through worse.”

How can I realize this fact and not end up incredibly depressed?

I find that it can help to write a letter to the abusers regarding Restorative Justice......meaning, this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. You can give it to that abuser, or keep it. I wrote a letter to the molester, and to the father who abandoned me. I think it is a way of taking your power back.

I agree with Marie123 that a restorative justice letter helps, but I wouldn’t share with your abuser. I didn’t since I knew the main culprit (my sister) would enjoy reading it knowing how much damage she has caused me mentally and physically and how much power she still has over me. I think some of us become targets. We get in an abusive relationship that would breakdown our self esteem and confidence to such an extent that others will see us as a target and then it becomes a vicious cycle. We become everyone’s floor mat. If people closer to us stopped it earlier on instead of blaming us or play down the issue, things could have been different.

I found therapy very helpful. Meeting a trusted therapist who can walk you through the recovery process is very helpful.

I wish I could answer this one because it really is infuriating. The reality is that most abusers never really face actual justice or even exposure while their victims suffer greatly.

I don't know if this will help, but I can say that from my experience, abusers tend to live in a weird hell of their own. My dad has been absolutely horrible to me, but really seeing him and understanding who he is has been astounding. Every minute of his life is spent in perpetual victimhood. Even the slightest inconvenience crushes him entirely. He's so incredibly small and incapable of self-reflection. He's truly the weakest person I've ever met. He's incapable of actual love or joy. He's always afraid of being abandoned. That doesn't excuse his behavior in any way and I feel no pity for him. He's done the most horrendous things to everyone and everything around him. It's just that, even if he never faces any direct consequences, I wouldn't wish his existence on anyone.

I don't pity him or delight in his suffering as I've just become indifferent to him. I've chosen to just let him go so that I can be free. I just know that he'll never be free. He has to be himself forever.

Thank you everyone for the support here. I'm bringing it back up again because today I remembered, there is one exception to this rule. A man and HE went to jail. Yes, he should have gone to jail. Yes, in that one instance, justice was served. He got what was coming to him.

It happened to me again a few times later in my childhood, but nothing was done about it.

So he did go to jail. In that one instance justice was served. You remembered a very important exception.

Abusers will often "get away with it." I am sad that you've gone through this, though! I resolve my anger toward abusers, and move on. I can't afford to waste my energy on them. I focus on the things that bring me joy. Karma may or may not exist, but if it does, maybe it will get them one day.

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been abused. I feel the same way that you do about things. Especially when it comes to my emotional lly abusive family.

I was always expected to just shut up & not make a ‘big deal about things’ as that’s just the way that they are. That and the fact that they’re family & that I should try to get along with them disgusts me.

I finally went no contact with them Abuse is a big deal. You have every right to be upset & to want justice.

Why should they get away with sny of their bad behavior? You’re not yo sensitive & you’re not making a mountain out of a molehill.

This is why abuse is so prevalent in society. Abusers often get away with abusing other people. Especially when they have a group of other people to back them up sadly.

Don’t let your abusers get away with anything

What happened? Call the police, contact H.R if this is a work related issue, go no contact, get a restraining order, etc…

You need to protect yourself. Go no contact Except an apology from everyone who’s ever hurt you.