Excuses, excuses

While simultaneously doing a load of laundry and playing a game of Trizzle online, my mind randomized as it sometimes does. It went to the many times in my life I have been told to put up with someone's behavior, not complain about it, and ignore any hurt I feel, because that person "can't help it" and/or "isn't responsible" for what they do. Maybe it's an addiction. Maybe it's a mental illness or other brain condition. Maybe that person has also been abused, and now they're passing it along to the next generation. For whatever reason, I am told I should just overlook anything they say and do, and I'm made out to be an awful person if I so much as *feel* hurt.

Even now, there are those in my life that I have chosen to discontinue contact with, for a variety of reasons. Is this unloving and unforgiving of me? Do I lack empathy and compassion for them? I've often been accused of it, but no. And I will explain why.

Choosing random names here. No reflection on anybody who might happen to have these names.

Let's suppose Melvin has a medical condition that causes him, for reasons entirely beyond his control, to abruptly start swinging his arms at random moments. Let's further assume that this condition cannot be treated, making it even less his fault. Because of it, Tessie has actualy suffered injuries on more than one occasion. Can Melvin help what he's doing? No. Is Melvin hurting Tessie on purpose? No. Does this condition make Melvin a bad person? No. Should Tessie show compassion and empathy, understanding that Melvin can't control it, and didn't mean any harm? Of course.

But if Tessie is wise, she's going to have that compassion and empathy from a safe distance, and not continue standing directly next to Melvin!

I am appalled when I think of the behavior I've been subjected to, and expected to endure without complaint because "they can't help it," or "that's just the way they are," or "you know how they get," or "they didn't mean anything by it."

It's not my fault they can't help it. Yes, that is the way they are, and yes, I do know how they get, and that's exactly why I want to stay away from them. I don't care if they meant anything by it or not. Accidentally step on my foot, it's going to hurt just as much as if you did it on purpose. I got hurt, I didn't deserve to get hurt, and I need the wound taken care of instead of ignored. Now, do your job and protect me!

But no, my protectors didn't.

Yeah. One of my t's asked me, how exauctly did your mother become queen boss of the family, when she was so awful / mean / neglectful / unreasonable / etc.

I learned to lurk under an invisibility shield. I was a Stealth kid. Only way not to get attacked.