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laval4mp
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Trig Dec 24, 2023 at 06:01 AM
  #1
hi, i was
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and today im really horrified for what the future holds. my boyfriend is objectively really emotionally and mentally abusive, he has gaslighted, guilt tripped, and victimised himself ever since me and my friend met him and now he has
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it is ****ing horrifying that i cannot tell anyone about this because i dont want to label him as
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because im scared of what hes going to do and anyways i cant stop seeing him because we have a concert planned soon and again, im scared of what he'll do.
this entire situation just makes me feel so hopeless especially since i have to see him today and i just dont know what to do with that i dont know how ill be able to cope because it literally feels like my entire life has come to an end ever since
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happened, and now i have to see the cause of all this pain and act completely normal and happy for christmas eve! i hate this situation i dont know how to live anymore and nobody cares or knows, i feel lost, thank you for listening.
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CANDC
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Default Dec 24, 2023 at 02:16 PM
  #2
@laval4mp welcome to MSF. I am sorry that you are in a relationship that sounds very challenging and you feel obligated to pretend all is well. Have you considered changing your plans for the concert because how easy will it be to be playing music with someone that sounds like they are being abusive?

What about your own self care, are you thinking of getting a therapist or support group to help you cope with this difficult situation?

Things may be slow around the holiday weekend here. Hope you get the support you are looking for.

@CANDC

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laval4mp
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Post Dec 24, 2023 at 05:27 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by CANDC View Post
@laval4mp welcome to MSF. I am sorry that you are in a relationship that sounds very challenging and you feel obligated to pretend all is well. Have you considered changing your plans for the concert because how easy will it be to be playing music with someone that sounds like they are being abusive?

What about your own self care, are you thinking of getting a therapist or support group to help you cope with this difficult situation?

Things may be slow around the holiday weekend here. Hope you get the support you are looking for.

@CANDC
i really want to change the concert plans because i hate the idea of being anywhere NEAR my boyfriend but i feel so obligated because i bought tickets for this concert for him and i dont want to betray him by not taking him im seeing a psychologist in January for many reasons so if needed i can talk to her about this experience but im scared to open up to anyone about this because i feel like my experience is invalid because someone so close to me did it if that makes sense? my best friend does know and is trying to support me through this but its still really hard. thank you for replying i really appreciate it
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Default Dec 24, 2023 at 08:45 PM
  #4
Kimmy' neighbor: "You can't keep running into a brick wall."
Kimmy: "Shows what you know. Sorry, giving up isn't my jam. My jams are grape, Jock, and Space."
Titus: "Hashtag respectmyjourney."
~ Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Life turns on a dime. It CAN get better! Give tomorrow a chance. And the day after tomorrow... I had two wonderful surprises today, and I wouldn't have been able to experience them if I'd made a different choice the other night. Keep going. Make positive changes in your life.

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Abusedbysister
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Default Dec 26, 2023 at 12:06 PM
  #5
I am sorry to hear about your ordeal. I have been abused all my life so I know how you feel.. I have been in abusive relationships since I can remember, including romantic ones, and it will get worse. Pretty soon, the abused will be under the control of the abuser. What I have learned is: (1) open up about it to your trusted friends and therapist. Most abuses come from those who are close to us., whether physical, psychological or sexual; (2) End the relationship as soon as possible. Otherwise, it will get worse. It is easier said than done but the abuser will not change for the better but always changes for the worse. These are my two words of wisdom from my experience. My advice: throw away the tickets or take someone else.
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Default Dec 26, 2023 at 10:40 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by laval4mp View Post
i really want to change the concert plans because i hate the idea of being anywhere NEAR my boyfriend but i feel so obligated because i bought tickets for this concert for him and i dont want to betray him by not taking him im seeing a psychologist in January for many reasons so if needed i can talk to her about this experience but im scared to open up to anyone about this because i feel like my experience is invalid because someone so close to me did it if that makes sense? my best friend does know and is trying to support me through this but its still really hard. thank you for replying i really appreciate it
@laval4mp you said "I feel like my experience is invalid because someone so close to me did it if that makes sense? "
Please know that your experience is not only valid, but is very common. I have read that most assaults are done by a person that one has a relationship with or a relative.

The other thing I have read is that survivors of abuse often blame themselves as if they did something to deserve it. That is victim blaming. You are not to blame it is not your fault. Take that up with the therapist.

I would not tell more people who are not professionals about it because most people do not understand trauma. They might not react in an appropriate way.

However, the one person I would tell is the Therapist. They will be able to help you more if you reveal the trauma. If they do not know how to work with trauma, it may be time to seek out a therapist that does.

What about telling your BF how about I give you both tickets and you take someone else hopefully a male friend? But that could be disturbing if he ends up bringing another woman. Maybe this is better discussed with the therapist and see what they say.

@CANDC

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Thanks for this!
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