24, living with abusive family, eager to move out, life not going according to plan

I joined this forum six years ago because of my abusive family. When it comes to this, things have not been much better.

I’m 24 years old, I have a high school diploma, no college degree, no paid job experience, no driver’s license. I’ve used Microsoft Office for over a decade, and have used several means of making money (all unsuccessful), but I’m not sure if hiring managers even care.

Not only do I still live with my family, but they are abusive, they make me out to be a brat still, with quite the rap sheet, and they try to tell me I really am one, and I’m the one in the wrong, in spite of my intentions being the total opposite since I was 13, and getting better and better from there! That’s why I didn’t go to college, because I thought it would mean this treatment would automatically span too long. Here I am, it’s already spanned even longer. I had planned to put an end to this.

As a child, I would be disciplined a lot and I would hate it, and each time, the disciplinarian would try to tell me that I am the villain. I just assumed the adults were always right indeed, but believed there was a surefire way to prevent this from continuing. My experience as a teenager would tell me that I was horribly mistaken. They don’t care how old I am, what my intentions were, how hard I try to get a job, nothing! Zero! My family tries to tell me, as long as I live with a parent, they say I’m bad, I’m bad, period, case closed, end of story. This suggests I should act WORSE, not BETTER, because better isn’t working, if anything better than that would make my life worse! Because I would making it more miserable to make their lives better, still not better enough. There hasn’t even been any hope anymore. My father says, “if you don’t like it, tough luck.” And “get a job, that’s when you’re an adult.” He’s like, the house is his, the problem is mine. Even my mother (who wasn’t much better than my father) said I am no longer a child at 13 and become an adult at 18. Not 30!!!

Ever since joining this forum, I have been desperate to move out. So I’ve started several businesses, and yet not a single one has taken off. What I hear online constantly is that you need to spend money to make money, and on top of that, my family does not support this kind of idea of just simply gambling it away. In other words, they try to control how I spend my money. To think that I ask them for a loan, which they said I’m definitely not getting and I’m “literally wasting my life”. So I’ve tried promoting them for free, and it’s seemed to harm rather than help. I’ve tried other means of making money online - freelancing, crypto, you name it. They insist that I get a job.

This can mean completing hundreds of job applications, tailoring each resume which I’m not even sure how to do sufficiently, filling in a lot more information than just a resume per job application, getting dressed for each interview, most of the time for nothing, and I’m not even sure where I even find job interview invitations or job offers! I used to apply to jobs on LinkedIn, where was I given notifications for interviews, and there was one job I thought I got, but, Laura told me it was a scam, and she said if I don’t believe her, she’d show me a Reddit thread that indicates this. Eventually, there were two more jobs I was believed to have gotten as well, but, in one, there wasn’t really enough work for me to do, in the other, I wasn’t even considered a good enough fit for anything!

Like, I don’t even know what I’m going to do. I was believing less that I even can do this, so I was looking for more encouragement, and what I find is “it’s only going to get worse, get out while you can.” If anything, this makes me believe less that I can do this today.

I’m trying to move out of my father’s house in minimum possible time, and I’m hoping to God I do it this year. Any suggestions on what I should do based on what I have typed in this post? Eager to know, thank you so much in advance.

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@Plankton5165 welcome to MSF. I am sorryi you are in a tough situation. I am not sure where to go from here but here are some things I did to get my life together.

Get a bicycle to get around. Check the bus service in your area to see what options are available.
Get a volunteer job to get experience and to help your resume. Hospitals are always in need of people.
Try to not react to parents. They may be difficult but having a place to stay is better than homelessness.
Maybe if they saw signs of improvement they may be nicer.

Hope you get the support you are looking for.
CANDC

You really think I haven’t tried showing them signs of improvement? Do I even have to say it didn’t work?

No matter what I do, I just don’t stop treading on thin ice or falling into it! I am FED UP with it to death!

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While every situation is different, I used to be living with my family, and things were pretty bad. My little sister physically abused me regularly growing up and my dad was a disciplinarian. Also, losing fights to my sister and being teased for being a sissy, loser and wuss ****ed up my mind and I had no self confidence by the time I was in late teens. I lived at home until I was 21 with little job prospect. I had an uncle in a different city who took me under his wing and I moved to that city and i slowly built my life. I still have anxiety attacks and PTSD but I have left the cycle. Do you have a family member or a relative who can help you build your life?

Yes it’s a pain to fill out lots of applications and get dressed for interviews but that’s what’s necessary if you want to leave home. Don’t think of it as a waste think of it as gaining experience and wisdom with each interview.

Or I could just start a business and have it take off, which is what I’m trying to do at the moment.

What I was going to say is, it’s official. This big mean family of mine is my least favorite thing in the history of the world.

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Sorry to hear that. I think it’s best to avoid them as much as possible. The less you talk to them, the better. Treating you like a child just because you still live with them isn’t right.

Look into care giver jobs as a lot of them don’t require any experience at all. Training is usually provided. The oay is usually around $20 an hour. At least here it is where I live.

Or look into retail work. It sucks & you probably won’t get any f/t hours, but they’ll hire almost anyone who is fairly personable that has open availability.

Also, try JobCorps asap. The cut off for help is 25. Thet’ll help you out with finding a job, offer job training, a place to stsy at, finances & more.

Job Corps | Careers Begin Here

I am in a very similar situation, only a step ahead (got out of the unsafe environment, stayed at a shelter for a bit, and am now couch surfing). I’m going to respond assuming you absolutely cannot afford rent on your own (idk who can here honestly).

I’m looking for jobs that provide housing. Campgrounds, farms, hotels, etc. Is that ideal and something I really want to do? No. Do places have any reason to hire me over anyone else? Nah man, I have a criminal record and no consistent employment history.

I’ve also applied for section 8, public housing, bridge grants, transitional housing, long term residentials for those with mental illness, 811 housing, and at this point it’s a waiting game.

I hate to say this, but you will get more help after fleeing the abuse and have the “homeless” label. If you have a “disabled” label that’s even better. With those two, you’ll be given priority.

I was in this position, my mum's half family that moved here are like something out of a horror movie. I do not live with them, I have two houses but live in my mum's old house out in the country. They were driving me crazy, they would. come over here and start fights with me (verbal) or fights with each other and sometimes physical others verbal. I am really sick and not in the mood for it anymore, I have put up with their crap of and on for 53 years on and off. I was in a better situation than you, and new door locks and restraining orders did the trick just fine. I am just now well enough to take it anymore, so I don't. I would recommend you get away from them as soon as possible, if they have always been this way, why would hey stop now. You deserve better, everyone deserves better. Good luck to you, oy' family, what can one really say? So, sorry this is happening to you.