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Chat Moderator
Member Since Feb 2016
Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot
Posts: 4,274
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Jun 22, 2024 at 06:33 PM
#1
There was no "old me" before abuse. First thing I recall is abuse. My life has been out of my grasp and I fight only to survive. I just wanna live man...
People talk about how they're finally "living". I want that so bad. Always have. I still am trying to figure out how to get there. So much fog all around me. I've been in recovery for addiction and realize why I became an addict. My addictions helped me survive hell. It wasn't until abuse stopped that it turned on me and I was now attempting to survive the addictions. 5 months in and I'm so devastated by my life. I guess I always was but numbed myself from it. There's no numbing now and the rage is like a wildfire consuming a dense forest. My anger has been instrumental in maintaining sobriety, but crippling for my psyche. I want the world to burn for the evil that has run rampant, hurting people I love and myself. I want to burn with it for the blood on my hands. How can I trust others if I can't trust myself? "I'm committed to the lie that feeling safe is unrealistic." __________________ "Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 537
4 71 hugs
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Jun 22, 2024 at 07:28 PM
#2
That is powerful writing.
How can we get to the point of "living" without massive transformation, reinvention? Maybe if we know who we are without pain, it will be possible. __________________ Major Depressive Disorder; Sleep Apnea; possibly on the spectrum Nuvigil 50mg; Effexor 37.5mg; meds for blood pressure & cholesterol |
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 MtnTime2896
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