[sweepy62]

i so dont want to overwhelm my t and this happened while me being an adult like 15 years ago and i am married and my t and i are in the middle of processing child trauma but i guess this brought stuff up in my head. i been married for a long time and when we got married my husband was into the cocaine habit which he eventually stopped but he was a very financially stable nice person but at times he forced me to have sex or threatened me and i was already having problems with normal intimacacy as it was so on those day it was just be out of the blue and my h is big and tall he would throw me on the bed i would cry and say no repeatedly and have his way with me sometimes he would pull my hair or grab my throat or other times he would handcuff me saying it was role play other times he would smack me around he would say i would like it rough he said he was my h and he loved me, i thought it was ok because i grew up my parents had a similar relationship, he also use to take pics of my face while i was crying and threatened to send them to my mom, should i tell my t and mix this adult stuff with my child stuff

[Big Mama]

Absolutely mention this. Marital rape is real, and it is a real issue. It will make a difference in how the T and you process things. It is not uncommon for things that have been long forgotten to come back to you. I have had so many things come back that I kept them written down in a note book. Because if things resurface then it is for a reason, but I was afraid these things would disappear as quickly as they have returned. Sometimes it is events, other times it is small parts of things that you can add to later.

Please mention this. I think it will make a huge difference in how the T goes about relating and working on things.

[sweepy62]

thank you big mama i just dont want to be that client with lots of problems you know but thanks for the advise i still have a problem connecting the words with the husband

[tinyrabbit]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I think you should tell your T anything you want to - don't worry about keeping things in neat categories.

I also think you should talk to your T about your fears that you'll overwhelm him or her. I've found it really helpful to talk about this and hear my T say it's okay.

[sweepy62]

Thank u so much for your feedback I will tell her next wed and I will keep u updated

[tinyrabbit]

Just to add: I think things come up because you need to deal with them. Some part of you evidently wants to work on this now.

[Liz07]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Just to add: I think things come up because you need to deal with them. Some part of you evidently wants to work on this now.

I agree with this. Even though it can indeed be scary to tell someone about those things that are difficult to relive, telling your T about it is the safest place to do so. It will help you out in the long run to discuss it with your T, as it sounds like something that was very frightening to experience. Let us know how it goes.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Liz07

I agree with this. Even though it can indeed be scary to tell someone about those things that are difficult to relive, telling your T about it is the safest place to do so. It will help you out in the long run to discuss it with your T, as it sounds like something that was very frightening to experience. Let us know how it goes.

I agree with this

[sweepy62]

Thanks guys my appt is we'd and I will certainly let you know but just to let you know I will be very ashamed to bring it up because ad am adult I knew he was doing wrong I could have stopped it I wasn't a child all over again but I will try my best ok

[Big Mama]

sure you were an adult, but abuse doesn't discriminate. And that is what he was ding to you. We freeze, we panic, we allow things we should not have with out realizing that it is not our faults. We do what we have to in order to protect ourselves, and often that is to comply. You did nothing wrong. Someone else did something wrong to you.

[Open Eyes]

I agree with the others here sweepy, you need to tell your T anything that comes up that you struggle with. Often people that experience abuse when they are younger find themselves experiencing it again in other ways. You need to see how this all connects and learn how to "resolve" it and how to help yourself prevent being a victim again.

((Hugs))
OE

[sweepy62]

Thank you big I'm always looking for the logic in things adult vs child I guess I didn't have much of a choice as an adult but I'm afraid of the logic behind it happening to me as an adult but I'm guessing I will follow advice

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Thanks guys my appt is we'd and I will certainly let you know but just to let you know I will be very ashamed to bring it up because ad am adult I knew he was doing wrong I could have stopped it I wasn't a child all over again but I will try my best ok

No. You couldn't have stopped it. You didn't know how to stop it. Your childhood left you powerless to stop it. You were already traumatised and he was powerful and intimidating. It was not your fault.

Someone else should have known it was wrong. Someone else should have stopped it. That someone else is the person who did this to you. He and he alone should bear the responsibility and the shame.

I had some similar issues with my ex-fiancé and it feels all tangled up with the childhood stuff, somehow.

[sweepy62]

Yes tiny that's the way I felt tangled up like I couldn't tell the difference e except that I was little then and nobody had a clue the I was big and still nobody had a cli except me because my h does not know of my past and nobody knows of this adult stuff except you guys and the t which I will start telling next week well what I will do is write it down. What do you think

[Big Mama]

sweepy, I feel terrible for you. My family did intensive in home for 6 months and marriage for 6 months before I told my T about what happened to me. Finially we, the T and me, decided my H had to be told because he was abusive and had no idea the things that happened in my past. After I finailly told him 4 months ago, things have changed so much. He said he would not have done those things had he known. Which was nice, but he shouldn't have done those things reguardless of the circumstance. I am just glad he stopped and now he can be part of the healing not part of the trama.

I hope talking to your T helps you as much as it has helped me. It has been one crazy ride. I have came out victorious over rape, my brain is giving me signs of CSA, child sexual abuse. and We will be working on that. Can't wait till I come out victorious again. You can come out victorious to, just be honest and keep your head held high.

[sweepy62]

Thanks so much big and I'm so sorry what happened to you