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May 19, 2008 at 08:30 PM
#1
you my mom... I am searching for words...
therapy today.. left such a residue.. the DIDer Headache, a Tummy ache.. I hurt... and I hurt back "then"... when you cleaned me up after daddy raped me to... how do I know I "hurt" back then Mom... because I re-lived the experience today... my 4 year alter shared with us.. the body memories.. and the memories stored.. in her mind... it wasn't the first time... perhaps.. now.. it will be the "last" time... picking us up by the arms... "depositing" us screaming into the claw foot.. huge bath tub...owwwwwwwwwwwwwieeeee So the words to you have finally "arrived".... they come with eyes full of tears.. and you know.. I never cry....I am tough.. and so very stuborn.. so.. here we go... Mom... Thank you for being my Mom.. in my time of need.. thank you for attempting to relieve my pain with soaking me in a hot tub... thank you for not leaving me.. alone in my pain... I know.. that you could have done that... I know you could have walked away.. and ignored.. your hurt little girl... it was probably the most difficult thing that you have done in your life... helping me then.. at that moment... You had to overcome your fears... your anxieties.. your revulsion of me.. so you had great courage.. and I mean that with all of my heart and soul.. you did good.. Though other people would judge you harshly... telling you.. "you should have left him"... "you should have protected your daughter".. They do not know what I know about you.... that you did your absolute and complete best.. Until today - I was always so angry with you... and thought how can I ever forgive you.. there really is nothing to forgive... because in the end... you were my mom... and in your way... as loving as you were humanly capable of being.. May you now be able to.. rest in peace "in heaven"... mom.... I love you very much.... your daughter...freewill... |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2008
Posts: 1,822
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May 19, 2008 at 09:46 PM
#2
You are a strong loving person freewill.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2007
Posts: 3,747
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May 19, 2008 at 09:47 PM
#3
(((Freewill))) I really hope through your forgiveness you can eventually heal the wounds you endured.
__________________ "Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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Grand Magnate
Managing Editor, PC 
Member Since Apr 2004
Location: Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 4,572
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May 19, 2008 at 09:49 PM
#4
((((((freewill))))))
is it OK if I cry with you?  You're so brave....not very many people could have gone through what you did and come to this result. Though my mom was my primary abuser, my dad did some too, and my mom did nothing...at all....ever....to stop it.....and while I have forgiven her for what she did to me (I think, sometimes, anyway)....I have not forgiven her for standing there watching while "the other stuff" happened....and I don't know if I can, now or ever. I wish you peace and I admire your courage. In one post you taught me an enormous lesson, and I thank you.  Candy |
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Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2007
Posts: 1,162
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May 19, 2008 at 11:39 PM
#5
__________________ lyn one could do worse then be a swinger of birches. ~robert frost~
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
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May 19, 2008 at 11:43 PM
#6
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May 20, 2008 at 04:01 AM
#7
((((((((((((((((Freewill)))))))))))))))
You are so amazing, and such an inspiration to me. Love you, your little girl is someone for my little girl to observe and learn and grow from .... gentle hugs. So strong, so brave. I'm honoured to be your friend. love you, Kerry xoxooxoxoxo 
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2007
Location: where the x marks the spot
Posts: 1,456
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May 20, 2008 at 11:55 AM
#8
(((freewill)))
__________________ 花鳥風月
c'est tout ce que j'aime |
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