people assume..

What people assume.. they know about.. how I feel... may be incorrect....

The pedophile... that hurt me... was a person in a position of great power.. a school band instructor... he had... perhaps.. hundreds of victiums....am not sure the real total...

For myself.. I class pedophiles... in a special catejory of evil... those.. totally and completely.. evil.... with no redemption possible...

How I feel about other people.. that sexually abuse people - THAT.. I do not know... truely.. have so many mixed feelings about that.. so haven't gotten there in my recovery.... my father.. my ex-husband.. am still... still working on it...how I really feel...

So... I do know.. how I feel about my pedophile.. so I write about him...

And people "assume".... both that I have forgiven my pedophile...

And people "assume" that I have not forgiven my peodphile...

Because... I am DID..... with many alters.... I am sure.. you can all see... that I have many different feelings... on my pedophile...

Am.. I angry......

Well.... for MY own good.... I choose... to move on... Does that mean forgiveness...... well no.... it doesn't..

no anger noes not equal forgiveness.... period..

It does mean... I have moved on with my life...

I do... not tell other people.. how to feel....

threads like this do trigger.... so...

do we not put them here on PC... because they can trigger...

I would hope... that would not be the case... because if it is... then.. it is to be silent... ONCE... more in my life... that there are STILL... things that cannot be talked about... EVER.....

So... for those... people... I have triggered I am sorry...

For my own feelings... that I "own"... I will never say sorry for those...

My feelings... belong to ME... not to other people... my pedophile happened to me... so... my feelings I "own"...

(((((((((((((( freewill ))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((Freewill))))))))))))))))))))

i feel the same too ...... i will never forgive .... i can move on without having to forgive no matter what people think, i am not at the stage in therapy where i can control the anger yet, it is early days, yet i feel sometimes people try to tell me i HAVE to forgive for the anger to stop and it makes me angrier ... i WILL learn not to become angry in time but i will NEVER forgive him ..... it is my choice ..... he hurt too many people and helped split up my parents .....

.....so, i am trying to heal, right now i am in a bad place, but i will be in a good place again, two steps forward, one back .. i will get there .... please don't be silent .... please keep posting..... you help me so much, you inspire me ....

love you, Kerry xoxoxoxoxo